Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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They're off.

I wish the meaning of life was obvious.

Granted, but it's the kind of truth you wish you didn't know.

I wish I could connect with people better.

Assimilation in progress.

I wish fear and depression didn't exist.

We now lack even the most basic preservation instincts and any mental abilities that would be lost to depression like social connections and the joy that is derived from using talents.

I wish City of 1,000 Planets well at the box office.

God knows how many memes, copycats and internet debates ensue.

I wish reincarnation was real.

Congratulations, you're now a mother butt-worm and your life is dedicated to making peoples' butts itchy and poop-smeared whenever you lay eggs.

I wish butt-worms didn't exist.

Butt-huggers are in their place.

I wish to die a George Cross recipient.

Granted, here is your paint bucket.

I wish for free internet service.

With a limited package.

I wish developers had full creative control of their works.

Great, now we're swarmed with George Lucas-types who never listen to constructive criticism.

I wish Mrs. Lucas was given the respect she deserves for fixing half of what would have been wrong the the Original Trilogy.

She is hated in equals amounts by the exact same people giving said respect.

I wish all of you would have a very merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, happy? Kwanzaa (What is the greeting for Kwanzaa? someone help me out here.) Happy holidays, and a Happy New Year!

Everyone you didn't mention doesn't get the same good fortune.

I wish being a hero was as glorious as fiction makes out.

There are No More Heroes.

I wish those games had smarter comedy and plot.

Disposing of great mechanics and decent play time.

I wish Xenomorphs were friendly.

You are now a citizen of Planet 51, where xenomorphs are friendly dogs with acid-urine. And you have no dick.

I wish for a working weaponless Iron Man suit.

It's useless against all hostiles.

I wish I could be assimilated into high society.

You know what, no. What part of "weaponless" indicates I want to engage with hostiles in the first place? I'm just asking for a protective flying suit and for the wish to go bad somehow. I hereby refuse to acknowledge any of your wishes until you actually manage to understand mine.

If you're going to fly around in an armoured suit, why wouldn't anyone recognize it as a potential threat?

I won't change my last wish until it's answered.

Fair enough, and I'll ruin it when mine is properly ruined. Obviously, to avoid being shot down by the Air Force, I'd register the suit as my aircraft, get a pilot's licence, swear to fallow air-traffic rules -whatever it takes to be legally recognized as a non-threat. Sorry for not making this obvious at first, but that I specified "weaponless" is a clear indication that I don't want the need to fight back against threats.

BuildsLegos:
Fair enough, and I'll ruin it when mine is properly ruined. Obviously, to avoid being shot down by the Air Force, I'd register the suit as my aircraft, get a pilot's licence, swear to fallow air-traffic rules -whatever it takes to be legally recognized as a non-threat. Sorry for not making this obvious at first, but that I specified "weaponless" is a clear indication that I don't want the need to fight back against threats.

I'll try this one...Here is your suit, a three-piece that will NEVER stop blaring out


I wish for Donald Trump's tax returns to be published.

UltraDeth, your assimilation goes as well as Applejack's, with the same ending of living the rest of your life on an apple farm and even getting a tattoo of apples on your butt.

JohnZ117, Donald Trump is exposed for tax fraud but is never punished.

I wish Donald Trump would be punished for all the disgusting things he does.

The punishments are minimal, like a short prison sentence or a small fine.

I wish breast milk had healing properties.

Women everywhere are kidnapped and enslaved on a regular basis so corporations can sell their milk as medicine.

I wish my Immortan Joe persona didn't lead to contradictions like this.

It leads to hilarious misunderstandings instead!

I wish no one would notice that spelling error in my last post here.

It's auto-corrected for a small fee of a dollar, a dollar per error.

I wish detectives had Sherlock Holmes powers of observation.

This is made possible by an initiative to hire all the smartest criminals to solve crimes (this is honestly how the Holmes author, inventor of forensic science, got his start.), which gives such a strong incentive for smart people to become criminals that only some of them are hired; this creates an epidemic of Death Note-style situations (but without the reapers or their books) where geniuses on both sides of the law are out-smarting each other at every turn. This sounds really cool; but because they're all so smart, us normies never even get to know it's even happening even when we die in the middle of it.

I wish the entire Asscreed franchise never mentioned anything regarding modern day: No Animus, no Desmond, no Abstergo, no "genetic memories", and certainly no Mayan Doomsday.

Then there's no Pieces of Eden, so neither side has any urgency to fight and are just killing for the sake of it.

I wish "in a lifetime" opportunities happened more than once.

"Having to think of grounded motivations for a conflict instead of a shitty magical mind-control mcguffin" also sounds like a win in my book, but I'll go easy on you this time. Anyway, "lifetime" opportunities do happen multiple times, just not for each individual.

I wish you could read minds.

Now, I can see everyone's dark thoughts. And it's horrible.

I wish the Imperium of Man ruled the real world with a moderate amount of leniency.

Trick wish: I win either way. Anyway: other planets get jealous of our freedom and rebel against the Imperium, leaving it a shell of its former self.

I wish Jim Sterling wasn't such a kinky weirdo.

Granted, now he is even more boring.

I wish I could think of something else to wish for.

You wish for panties, dooming us all.

I wish I didn't make a Dragon Ball GT reference just now.

You'd rather make another dated meme reference?

I wish I had multi-nation citizenship.

Granted, but they're all nations the United States finds suspicious. You've been renditioned.

I wish I had an aquarium.

Your only (permanent) fish is a great white shark and the aquarium for it takes up your entire backyard.

I wish the extra-large mammals of old never went extinct.

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