Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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They exist, but you never get into proper military position to use one. And you're a Ukrainian as Russia invades with their mech army. It's not gonna be fun :(

I wish for pollution to go away

It is now forever all contained in your living space.

I wish I could be paid to swear about video games for the internet.

Ultradeth, Our corrupt government equips their psychopathic soldiers with mech suits to better rape & pillage impoverished countries; a suit is stolen and reverse engineered for use by suicidal terrorists who are smuggled into large crowded cities by train then truck.

Drake, that you only review Early Childhood games with that kind of language gets you nowhere fast.

I wish cops and soldiers across the world were held more accountable for their crimes.

The change in police, military culture and accountability literally makes the world a better place. Racial tensions in USA die down, the Middle East sees a withdrawal of troops, and peace deals are made internationally. However, the new accountability laws go too far in their strictness, and make enlisting for duty less attractive. Over time, the armed forces are whittled down until there's barely anyone left. Police are now overburdened by crimes and the rates soar to 50 year highs, as psychopaths realize that the more they kill the less cops will keep up. "Distrust of governments" would understate how the populace feels, and attempts to appease the people end up leading to a real-life Purge night.

I wish this CSGO major breaks viewership numbers and doesn't stagnate/drop, foreshadowing the demise of the game.

Granted. Global rioting ensues.

I wish interviews would be done away with, "field performance tests" are used instead, and only positions where interviewing is an actual part of the job are allowed to conduct pre-employment interviews.

the people who would lose their jobs because of such (civil service commissions) become very angry with me.

I wish my voice was ****ING POWERFUL! ala

You self-exile to the Moon with your telepathic wife because your every whisper could shatter mountains. And do you REALLY want your significant other to know literally every thought in your head? Also the Hulk shows your pummeled corpse to the world as a declaration of war.

I wish superheroes were never absorbed into shared universes.

No great crossovers, that is all.

I wish all of America was really friendly.

Much like the aliens in Home, we take the "kill them with kindness" approach to conquest; and YOU have the voice of Sheldon Cooper.

I wish to discover a genetic archive of every species that ever lived across the Milky Way staffed by advanced aliens who hire me to keep stock of it all.

It's all kept stock on computers and a power surge destroys the hard drive along with all the data.

I wish the Helghast were a benevolent empire.

It is overtaken by a an empire the exact opposite of benevolent.

I wish I was paid to swear about movies for the internet.

Everyone hates that your criticism is just mindless vulgarity without any substance and, just like the Irate Gamer, you're forgotten (but without the stigma of plagiarizing AVGN).

I wish plagiarists were more commonly exposed and laughed out of their chosen fields.

The react like Steam Greenlight "devs", lashing out at every hint of criticism, false accusations of defamation and creating "work" which is nothing more than a bitter attack on anyone they don't like.

I wish characters didn't lose all their upgrades at the start of sequels.

characters now start sequels vastly overpowered and are completely unstoppable, removing any and all challenge.

I wish Alan Rickman was still alive.

He has no work.

I wish I was credited for bringing back the mullet and moustache look.

Sure thing, and everybody rightly hates you for it.

I wish mullets never existed.

What do pro-wrestlers and action movie heroes have to sport now?

I wish John McClane got some respect for his heroism.

Granted, the movies are loved by millions because (deep exasperated sigh) "fuck you it's Die Hard".

I wish Doug Walker never saw any Die Hard movies.

Why would one wish that on him?

I wish for an ultimate weapon.

Did you see the quote? His list of best Christmas movies is a definite low point.

You're arrested for possessing a weapon of mass destruction and raped in prison.

I wish human feet were more durable.

Now feet are hard as rock.

I wish there were no anti-science movements.

Granted we now exist only as pure balls of light floating through space and time eternally.
As a result though Game of thrones was never finished.

I wish to be brave.

You are Merida and your mother is either forcing you into marriage or a bear.

I wish we could switch between solid and light-beam bodies at will, and use this power to explore the Universe.

Good idea, just watch out for black holes and other hazards.

I wish capoeira was a genuinely dangerous fighting style.

Granted. It is declared inhumane by the U.N. and being caught using it is now punishable by lifetime incarceration.

I wish Mo Lewis had missed Drew Bledsoe. Tom Brady never becomes the starter and is traded to Cleveland.

Tom Brady kills his slaver overlords and escapes to a lawful world.

I wish to never hear or read another pro-athlete's name as long as I live.

Well, you can no longer live on earth then.

I wish I could use inception to convince my friend to divorce his evil wife.

All 3 dreams involve vilifying the wife in a way that accurately portrays her, but he remembers that you were there, knows that you have that dream-sharing machine, and the idea doesn't stick.

I wish to use time-travel to make video recordings of misunderstood historical events and long-extinct species.

The reality of these events are dull as dishwater and these species are noisy, lazy critters.

I wish hidden collectibles affected a game's story with positive, maybe negative results.

Granted but the one you want is behind that invisible wall.

I wish for noclip

All clips are removed from every video website on the Internet.

I wish every online game, namely MMOs, included a strict offline mode.

Some quests are harder without backup. Even though I approve this wish.

I wish it was possible for Xbox users to earn double Gamerscore after reaching a certain milestone and Playstation invented diamond trophy for every 5 platinums.

That Diamond Trophies work by a different metric (simple math) than the rest sends the gaming community into PS3 announcement levels of mockery that Sony never recovers from; and Xbox offers double the score after you've 100%ed their most broken games.

I wish DC would quit it with the corporate meddling crap and just let talented people work their magic.

DC becomes nothing more than "Marvel Light"

I wish I was a Master Exploder!

You've practically redefined what it means to explore: you've invented methods to ignore any temperature and pressure, making the depths of any planet or star a popular tourist destination. But the tourists pollute these cores so much that stars often fizzle out and planets collapse.

I wish "100%ed" wasn't considered a word by spellcheck.

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