Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

 Pages PREV 1 . . . 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 NEXT

You self-exile to the Moon with your telepathic wife because your every whisper could shatter mountains. And do you REALLY want your significant other to know literally every thought in your head? Also the Hulk shows your pummeled corpse to the world as a declaration of war.

was that first part a reference to black bolt? if so well done sir.

back on topic:

Spellcheck instead recognizes something you find even more obnoxious as a word.

quite some time ago in this thread I wished for real life to have cheat codes. the ruination of such was the console is on Mars. so I wish I had the training and resources, as well as a space suit and shuttle to take me to said console on Mars.

Drake the Dragonheart:

You self-exile to the Moon with your telepathic wife because your every whisper could shatter mountains. And do you REALLY want your significant other to know literally every thought in your head? Also the Hulk shows your pummeled corpse to the world as a declaration of war.

Was that first part a reference to Black Bolt? If so, well done sir.

So was the last part, Black Bolt was Hulk's first victim in World War Hulk.

You are able to survive the same way Matt Damon did on Mars, but there is no electric generator to power your console. Enjoy your poop potatoes!

I wish Assault on Arkham was made in live-action, and the movie actually called Suicide Squad was never made.

It's not very good for a number of reasons. (Which I'll let you imagine.)

I wish Kratos wasn't such a selfish, indifferent, brutal S.O.B.

He is longer any fun to play in the God of War Series.

I wish I could invent a microwave that makes reheated leftovers taste like they just came out of the oven. i.e. no more soggy pizza!

Granted but because we are all transendant balls of pure energy floating through space we don't need food anymore.
No pizza, Tacos, Bacon........

I wish for a strong drink.

Powerful enough to put you in a come for weeks.

I wish to fight drug dealers NARC style.

Due to a lack of depth in reality, you can only ever see straight lines that sometimes represent drug dealers to shoot.

I wish all console games had the vast swath of options that PC games do.

Granted but because of this extra power the console wars of 2009 killed us all..

I wish they still made Mega man games.

The in-game graphics look like the original Mega-Man box-art.

I wish EA never devoured beloved developers.

EA devours you instead.

I wish I was the legendary dragon knight, with the power to become the dragon!

While in your dragon form, other knights slay you.

I wish Roland Emmerich's Godzilla was just named something original but the movie was otherwise identical.

It is still awful.

I wish for one day Aziz Ansari and Jay-z esentially switch lives: Aziz is incredibly smooth and Jay-z spills mustard on his shirt all day.

They're both Final Destination fodder.

I wish those movies were witty comedies, but with all the same gore.

They become vastly underappreciated cult classics.

I wish my internet connection would stop sucking!

Your internet connection blows.

I wish to make a single cohesive timeline of every Simpsons moment, including the Tree-House of Horror.

It goes on forever.

I wish I could learn Judo/martial arts under highly respected world reknown sensei Neil Ohlenkamp.

He will teach you on one condition: you must star in the most vile and illegal porn imaginable.

I wish the PlayStation 4 exclusives were sold for PC on

Granted. At triple the price.

I wish I had a 2000 inch TV!

For storage purposes, it is actually several smaller screens that you're supposed to assemble like a jigsaw puzzle with only smooth, uniform pieces.

I wish an eldritch abomination would instantly obliterate Earth and everyone on it.

Granted but Lovecraft is still incredibly racist.

I wish for clouds of blue and skies of white.

BLM accuses you of racism for making the sky white.

I wish Black Lives Matter and Gamergate could better police themselves.

Because of the over reactionary nature of the internet this wish would probably just ruin itself!

I wish for the power of a dream catcher to let me sleep easy.

As you get a good night's sleep, your guilty conscious has you dreaming of how you should have actually ruined my wish, with something like "The extremists accuse public image managers of being 'enemy spies' and nothing is accomplished".

I wish my mom would use the Wii games I gift her to keep her promise of weight-loss instead of wussing out at the slightest hint of exhaustion.

You mother becomes an obsessed fitness guru who puts you to great shame. Adding further shame she beats people up with karate she learned from Wii fit!

I wish I could find that small measure of peace we all seek, and few of us ever find (bounus points if you get the reference)

Granted now every Asian actor is portrayed by tom cruise.

I wish that every day was filled with mirth.

In the grim darkness of from now on, there is only mirth.

I wish Imperium of Man would just chill.

It chills alright. all the way to absolute zero.

I wish I could serve my country.

Granted you are serving it with a side of chips and a light Ceaser salad.

I wish to buy one kitten please.

You unknowingly select the most angry kitten alive; he hisses at and scratches you at every opportunity, peels off all the wallpaper, and uses anywhere as a litter-box.

I wish non-sexual nudity was legal everywhere.

You see more of some people than you ever would want to!

I wish I had mystical Kung Fu powers!

The TV show made about your exploits stars an unlikable white-washed prick who never wears the costume and the pacing and plot are meandering garbage.

I wish Agent Carter wasn't canceled.

It instead gets run into the ground to the point it makes everyone hate the characters.

(blame cinemasins for this one!)

I wish Olivia Wilde was my girlfriend.

Unfortunately, you go on a date in the middle of a Final Destination opening and not only do you watch her die gruesomely in a vision, but saving her results in an even worse death for her later.

I wish Jim Sterling would hire whole teams to systematically reveal the corruption of everyone remotely related to the video game industry, because (thank the) Lord (for Jim) knows he can't do it alone.

Nintendo, Ubisoft, and Konami all hire assassins to eradicate this threat. Jim Sterling is martyred, much like his predecessor, and his message gets perverted and used by the game industry to actually further their corrupt ways.

I wish I could think of a better wish.

You think of the greatest wish in the world; but within the 14 seconds it takes you to type it, Earth is obliterated in favor of a space-highway.

I wish the Hitchhiker's movie was beloved enough to have the whole series adapted to the big screen.

 Pages PREV 1 . . . 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
Register for a free account here