Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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The voice actor for Marvin is nowhere near as good as Alan, and all the other actors just phone it in as well.

I wish for a million wishes.

You become addicted to wishing for wishes and never wish for anything else.

I wish the night sky was more vibrant and active, without any any of it negatively effecting us.

You are condemned to a dome and never allowed to see it.

I wish I could have seen John Pinette perform live, in person.

He performs your least favorite sex-act with a large animal, just for you.

I wish nukes were never invented.

Dark matter bombs were invented instead!

I wish for cybernetic augmentation, and I was the first candidate.

As an early adapter, you're a glorified beta-tester and every mechanism in your body malfunctions frequently, often causing extreme pain.

I wish everyone could adapt to augments as well as Adam Jenson.

Adam Jenson was an early adapter, so every mechanism in his body malfunctioned frequently, often causing extreme pain and diarrhea. That is your future. Adam Jensen, however, adapted quite well to his augments.

I wish my appliances weren't in need of constant updates.

Now your appliances only need updates every 5 years, but they're more limited in use, more expensive, and perform worse.

I wish everyone had perfect spelling and grammar all the time.

They have perfect spelling and grammar, but they can only write bible verses. In Klingon. No more new books, just one old one. Forever.

I wish to always be able to pull the right amount of money for a purchase from my pocket.

He performs your least favorite sex-act with a large animal, just for you.

Oh fsck, I ar ded farm laftir

The money you pull is all foreign currency and not even in pocket-worthy condition.

I wish the Lego Deathstroke I found in the grass today had his legs and weapon.

It immediately animates and proceeds to hand you the most severe, humiliating ass beating of your entire life.

I wish the Nashville Predators would get swept in the Stanley Cup Finals, not even close, every game they lose 6,7-0, and Corey Sissons gets the super STD gonaherpasyphalAIDS.

Then the next 3 seasons they lose a game 7 at home to Anaheim.

The Sissors are all arrested after their loss in Anaheim for steroid abuse, the timing is thanks to corruption in sports management.

I wish professional sports didn't have anything to it beyond the athletes (authentically) performing well; no merchandise, no audience, no drugs.

Well that is several billion dollar industries just gone up in smoke. America's economy goes into a half century long great depression.

I wish I had a pet dragon!

Within hours, it burns your house down and is effectively captured and put to "sleep" by animal control.

I wish I was never gifted that $200 baby iguana who ran off and got eaten by a cat.

Granted but instead you got no presents.
Another year another forgotten birthday.
As this day dwindles into the lasting twilight.
A chill of loneliness rests on the forefront of thought.

I wish I didn't write that emo garbage.

Granted. You live that emo garbage instead!

I wish landmines were never invented.

With nothing to do, that man who has been disarming over 30,000 of his own landmines since the Vietnam War gets bored and starts killing innocent children.

I wish to understand some peoples' murderous obsession with shiny things like gold.

You become possessed by said obsessions.

I wish Toothless was my pet!

Your house is fine, but you're still arrested for harboring a dangerous animal.

I wish teaching cats to use the toilet (a real thing) was normal enough that kitty litter isn't even a viable product.

The cat spends all **** day in the bathroom and leaves the seat up every single time!

I wish Hayley Williams (lead singer for Paramore) was my girlfriend!

Hayley Williams is secretly a serial mutilator with a penis collection.

I wish it wasn't this easy to turn your obvious fantasies against you.

Granted I now only wish for different shades of off white to appear less regularly in paint catalogs these days.

I wish for what I just typed.

Your wish for "I now only wish for different shades of off white to appear less regularly in paint catalogs these days." is granted, so that's what you wished for.

I wish to not make a wish.

Granted. You become obsessed with collecting paint catalogues.

I wish common sense was actually common.

Granted but now we have no sense of personal safety.

I wish to be the master of unlocking.

Sure thing, but you're in a mansion full of zombies and there are no guns handy.

I wish for a movie to be made that is A Bug's Life crossed with Dracula; I call it...Tarancula.

It's so horrible it causes the death of the horror genre.

I wish I would be medically cleared for the Air National Guard.

You have perfect health, but Secret Orders task you with faking a chemical terrorist attack via remote drone on a water park.

I wish for A penny.

you find out only after picking it up that it was coated in an enzyme that causes your hair to fall out. ALL OF IT!

I wish I could teach Kung Fu.

Your dead-end job resembles a cross between a barber and Gamestop clerk; all you do is plug martial arts programs into customers' cybernetic skulls and they leave knowing all the moves.

I wish you didn't give me that obvious opportunity to reference The Matrix.

Granted. You are in the Matrix instead!

I wish for endless tacos!

Infinitely and rapidly spawning tacos completely overwhelm all space in the Universe and collapse everything we've ever known into a new cosmic egg.

I wish for everyone to have perfect metabolism, completely negating the need of bathrooms.

Granted but with out poop there's no poop jokes and sadly comedy ceases to exist. The mundane takes over and the human race chooses to go extinct. It turns out the greatest joke was life itself.

I wish rugby was the national sport of America.

Americans find a way to make the game even more vicious and brutal than it already is!

I wish Falling Skies would have been greenlight for a sixth season and had a much more satisfying conclusion.

Granted, but the script is turned into DLC for the game and you have to play THAT to get the good ending.

I wish Tera Nova had Season 2, with the dino-rider pirates as promised.

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