Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted... Oh never mind, I seem to have misplaced it.

I wish I could sleep.

Denied.

Ok, granted. But you only sleep for a minute then its back to the land of insomnia.

I wish I had a doppelganger that would go to classes for me.

Granted. He proceeds to break every rule in the school, neighborhood and country. Then he disappears, making you the most wanted man in your country.

I wish I had the ability to look in the future.

Granted but the power drives you mad

i wish for a friend named robot dragon loli queen

Granted but that friend will betray you for a small girl.

I want better wifi out here.

Granted but you have no way to use it

i wish my computer was fixed

granted but it's fixed to explode!

I wish for a cake.

Granted, but you'll need to get through our Aperture Science Testing Facility.

I wish for a triumph.

Granted but it is a car. Specifically the one I used to own with a 4 banger Chevette engine in it... Like this:
http://www.diseno-art.com/images_3/Triumph_TR7.jpg
But hey it was freshly repainted that wonderful pimento red color...

I wish I didn't have so many things to do for the next 2 weeks.

Granted, now you have 1 and that is to eat a chainsaw.

I wish for lemon grenades.

Granted but they taste awful

i wish for a new car

Granted. Once you get inside, the car explodes.

I wish I had a pen.

Granted. Fifteen of them in fact.

I wish clowns weren't so creepy.

Granted, but now mimes are even creepier now.

I wish Calvin and Hobbes came back...

Granted. Now you have to watch them go away again.

I wish MSPaint Adventures would update even more!

Granted. It updates every five minutes, but every time it does it loads up compounding bugs and glitches.

I wish I had my own personal goose that lays golden eggs.

Granted, but the value of gold has degraded so those eggs are worthless.

I wish I could fly.

Granted, but you can never land.

I wish my homework was finished for the week.

Nouw:
It's your mother's urine. That doesn't get me probed right?

I wish for some company at night which will comfort me. No Slendermans, I'm home alone!

Granted! And it is Slenderman *Bleep*er!

MY STACHE GIVES ME STRENGTH!

Edit for OT: Granted, but the homework becomes twice as hard the next week

I wish I had a wish.

I ruin your wish by giving you 2 wishes.

I wish for 1 wish.

Granted but your wish has been predetermined as a wish for no more Halo RP.

I wish for a less granted wish.

Granted. Now you can't wish for anything.

I wish Dr. susse would stop farting music at me.

Granted. Now he burps it at you.

I wish for a book to read by candlelight.

Granted, but the book combusts near the candle.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

Granted, but you can't wish for that.

I wish I didn't procrastinate so much.

Granted, but you have the body of a wasp.

I wish I could play the piano.

Granted, but after you learnt it a disease killed every single pianist in the world.

I wish my wish was granted.

Granted but you cant make a wish like that

I wish this robot didnt have to die... or any of the humans.

Granted, but now YOU have to die.

I wish I had a pet that looked like Impulse's avatar.

Granted, but that pet is me, and I have to die.

I wish I didnt have two wishes.

Granted, now you have infinite wishes but you can't make up your mind what to wish for.

I wish I had a pet that looked like impulse's avatar and that he didn't die.

Granted, but it can only eat your flesh because its allergic to every other type of food.

I wish that Doc would suffer!

Granted, but you get to suffer with me!

I wish IDK would stop trying to eat me cat and leave me alone.

Granted, but once again, I go cannibal on your ass.

I wish that Doc wasn't an angry time-lord!

Granted, but I wasn't to begin with. I just have great survival instincts. You've wasted a wish.

And... your corruption doesn't work because I specifically said "leave me alone" at the end.

I wish I had more Mountain Dew.

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