Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted, He sold his account to a very strange and frequently abusive person.

I wish Furburt was less of a celebrity in his time and was still on the site.

Granted. No one knows who he is, becoming part of the unrecognisable horde that is 90% of any forum. Thus you rarely, if ever, communicate/see him.

I wish to eat the last cookie ever.

...Not granted. That cookie is mine.

I wish for the best gaming PC evar. Oh, and the funds to upgrade it for the rest of time, of course.

steeple:
granted, now you cant sit for a week without feeling burning sensations...

How is that appealing?!

OT: Granted. A puma barges into your house and eats it. Then they shit it on your face.

I wish for a doughnut ring due to the way my last wish was granted.

Granted, someone burns rubber in the shape of a donut on the street by your home.

I wish for a nice tall frosted glass of A&W Rootbeer.

Kuroneko97:
How is that appealing?!

I could try and come up with a better reason, but I really think you probably wont believe any of them anyway :P

OT: granted, it's so tall that you cant drink from it, and if you try to tip it so you could drink a bit, you'd get crushed

I wish to meet the crushinator in real life

Granted. A puma barges into your home and sets crushinator in front of you. Then it shits on crushinator.

I wish for Kirby's ability to copy abilities! :D

Granted but you accidentally swallow Rosie O'Donnell.

I wish to build you a new house.

Granted. Just as you finish putting the bricks on the massive super house you fall off the latter you were on, and like a generic red herring murderer, I hide your body so nobody can find it.

I wish The Escapist was populated by cookie people.

Granted but everything has gone stale.

I wish for more puns in the world.

Making Puns because punishable by death!

I wish for a 3rd arm!

Granted, you now have a third arm underneath your left foot.

I wish for an awesome costume.

Granted but it never comes off and people forever think you are Bowser.

I wish for Mario to save my day.

granted, it's a costume of a person in a terrible costume!

I wish to go deeper...

Granted. You sink to the absolute bottom of the ocean. You die, obviously

I wish I knew what the previous poster was thinking.

granted, you go mad with the revelation...

I wish I could organize my thoughts into files...

Granted, but someone looks at them and sees that there's a surprising abundance of 'porn' and a stark lack of 'not porn'.

I wish for a cupcake.

Granted: But it's one from the fanfic "Cupcakes"

I wish I was better at art

granted, it was poisoned, and now you're dead

I wish for the perfect plate of mac & cheese... just the right balance of the two, with both being tasty...

Granted, but the cheese is actually BLUE CHEESE! (That stuff is unholy!)

I wish to die suddenly and painlessly in my sleep...

granted, someone brings you back to life and stabs you, just see you bleed...

I wish for a chocolate-helicopter that is capable of flight, and after each bite I take the chocolate reappears, so it's basically infinite chocolate which takes shape of a helicopter!

Granted, but the helicopter doesn't need a pilot and take off without you before you can get in or take a bite.

I wish for a fresh bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich.

Granted, but the bread is the horrible stuff with raisins and nuts.

I wish for a dinosaur driving a jet to come and let me have a fly.

Too bad he drops you.

I wish for a new car!

granted, it doesnt have any wheels...

I wish to see your avatar without exiting my browser...

Granted it is forever burnt into your vision.

I wish Australia has a long and beautiful future.

Granted but it's so long that it's the only country that stays after the apocolypse. Meaning that without any food or help from other countries it will die a slow painful death.

I wish that people on my awards event could stop fighting (please!)

Granted the thread has now been locked.

I wish we could all just get along.

Granted, we all get a long piece of string. We then proceed to strangle eachother with our newly aquired string.

I wish that I could travel by cloud.

Granted, but the clouds are lighting clouds that shock you to death when you step on them.

I wish for world peace, but only for Iquanas.

Granted but it's too peaceful and the rest of us commit suicide out of jealousy.

I wish this wish didn't end with the extinction of the human race.

Granted. Your wish is now DIAMONDS...but humans still die in the end, sorry.

I wish I was half as cool as the Old Spice guy.

Granted. You're now one half the man he used to be, before he became cool.

I wish I wrote a comic.

Granted. You create the most indescribably generic comic book series ever. Naturally this makes you millions, but the thought that you could make millions from something so generic drives you into suicidal depression.

I wish flaming pigeons would cut a hole in my roof to let in some sun.

Granted, but only if one of the burning pigeons falls into your house and burns it down.

I wish that Thundercats wasn't cancelled.

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