Granted, but the genie who grants it then goes all beserk and murderous.

I wish for a lion to be taped to Louis Spence, like on Saints Row 3

Granted, but it bites your hand off whilst you're taping, thus making it half-taped. It easily gets free and bites your other hand and a foot off.

I wish that whatever happens, I could always eat some oranges and it is K.

Granted, but the oranges are GM killer oranges.

I wish for a cruise.

Granted. It's so good that other people get jobs and you get the same shift as a axe weilding murderer.

I wish for something bad to happen.

Granted. That cruise ship fell onto your underwater bachelor pad.

I wish for one extra button on my keyboard.

Granted, you get a button which targets all of the world's nukes onto your house. And it's so darn irresistable to touch...

I wish for Reese Witherspoon.

Granted, he kills you.

I wish that the snow would've came a bit earlier than today. Seriously, what the fuck is this shit? First snow, at the end of January?!?! IN SWEDEN?!?!?!?!?!?!

Granted, the rain stops and the clouds part, sending your land into weeks of drought

I wish I had a bowl of icecream

Granted, both teams are no match to the town of Winnipeg as the buildings crush the competition.

I wish for a refreshing glass of Mug brand rootbeer.

Granted. You get a glass made from root beer, that evaporates in your hands.

I wish someone would make me some breakfast.

Granted, but it never ends!

I wish that I could get a better than crap desk for my computer to go on.

Granted. It's now dog sick.

I wish for my drink to refill itself.

Granted, but it refills so much it spills and gets you all wet.

I wish for Vermin Supreme to become president of the USA!

Granted, but the USA gets annexed by EU and thus there's no president left.

I wish today would've gone very differently.

Granted, it's the day you die.

I wish for my new desk to be set up already!

Granted, but it falls apart and is unrepairable.

I wish above wisher didn't have such a hunger-inducing name.

Granted, but now it makes you thirsty!

I wish people would stop getting hungry over my name!

Granted, but only because we've eaten you!

I wish to have an infinite supply of Arabica bean coffee...(!)

Granted, but you die from sleeplessness because you have so much coffee.

I wish that angry parents don't get angry about derpie's showing in MLP.

Granted, now they get angry at you instead.

I wish I could change history.

Granted, but you can't change history in a good way. Only changing it so that many more people die.

I wish that I could of bought the Celestia doll when I went to sainsburys today!

Granted, it was the last one and you made a very poor child who walked for three days who wanted one cry

I wish that my internet was a little faster.

Granted but now it's so fast the whole internet explodes (Don't ask why)

I wish I could know why "him over there's" avatar was looking away from me!

Granted, the information makes you question the very existence of your entire being and you stay in a vegetative perplexed state for all eternity.

I wish that my space invader wall decals would stick to the wall better.

Granted, but there so good your head blows up in the amazingness of the replies!

I wish for my Minecraft to work!

Granted, now it does! you get addicted to playing unceasing tedium the video game.

I wish I could draw half decent.

ToastiestZombie:
Granted, but you can't change history in a good way. Only changing it so that many more people die.

Who said that isn't a good thing in my book..? ;D

OT: Granted, only no one else agrees with you.

I wish I had a bottle of coke that would always be full, no matter how much I drank from it.

Granted, it's totally flat.

I wish that youtubers actually had brains.

Granted, now they write their idiotic sentences in an intelligent way.

I wish I had an angel?