Granted, it is detained and dissected for science against your will

I wish I could make my own quality gifs.

Granted, but you're not allowed to upload them

I wish that I could get a good-quality job.

Granted, but you get fired after a day.

I want a cookie.

Granted. The cookie is stale and kills you.

I wish for Liz White.

Granted, but you also get that annoying kid from that annoying series following you around whilst annoying you.

I wish I could think of something less... Annoying.

Dr.Susse:
Granted but the fact you can annoys you.

I wish every moment from now on was calm.

Granted, but only because you're dead.

I wish that more places round here will sell Cherry Coke.

Granted. They don't stock any other soda. And that's a damned shame, because Dr. Pepper is the greatest thing known to man.

Now I wish I had a bottle of Dr. Pepper.

Granted, but it's empty, 'cause I drank it before giving you the bottle. I love me some Dr. Pepper. :9

I wish I cou- *BOOM*............... _*silence*

Granted, you come to life missing both arms.

I wish to own a Zoid.

Granted, but it comes complete with everyone's favourite thing ever, Clippy.

I wish I could play guitar better.

Granted, you become a Guitar hero and go to rehab afteer taking to manyh drugs.

I wish for Laptop that can and will play any game that ever was or ever will be.

Granted, but you can't use an external mouse for it, having to rely on the touchpad. In fact, it's completely devoid of USB ports, disk drivers, internet cable plug-ins and it also lacks the ability to connect to wireless networks without the use of a USB device... Oh snap.

I wish I got a job. Seriously, I need that damned money. D:

Granted, although you fall into a coma and miss the whole thing.

I wish for Charazard.

Granted. It's somehow a level 1 Charizard that only knows Splash. Hey, don't blame me, transporting Pokemon between universes may do strange things to them.

I wish I had a Magikarp. (There's no way they can ruin this one at all)

Granted, it's dead.

I wish I could cakeify people.

Granted, it's a lie.

I wish White Chocolate Malteasers.

Granted, they are hated by everyone and taken off the market before you have any

I wish for a blue elephant with wings and spikes.

Granted, but the wings are too small to do anything, heck, they're barely visible, and the spikes are infinitesimally small, thus pretty much not existing.

I wish I could speak a few more languages.

Granted, but you only speak those langueges and never English.

I wish for Minecraft.

Granted. The instant you try to play it, all your imagination flees, leaving you with a large open world you can't do anything with.

I wish for a top hat to eat my head.

Granted. When you put it on the Hat insults you forever for having a bad tasting head.

I wish for the best internet connection ever.

Granted, it's a special deal that costs a few million dollars.

I wish I had a pen tablet.

Granted, but you can only use it on blind, deaf, mute quadruple amputees.

I wish for an unlimited lifetime supply of working headphones.

Because mine break all the time.

I wish people would stop pointing out when previous posters don't make a wish.

Granted, now no one makes wishes any more, effectively ending the thread.

...

...

...

I wish I didn't say that, because this thread has to continue! D:

Granted, but the memory of it drives you to insanity.

I wish for Captchas to jump in a hole and die, preferably next to the Atari ET game.

I wish I had lazer beam eyes and a nuclear fusion reactor instead of a lymphatic system, aaaaand....two balls of gluueuue TO BE MY FRIENDS!!! and I wish to go dancing...NAKED!

^Above poster: Doesn't work like that mate.^

TheEmoSpeeds666:
Granted, but the memory of it drives you to insanity.

I wish for Captchas to jump in a hole and die, preferably next to the Atari ET game.

Granted, but then they become zombies...because, and their first victim is you.

Verzin:
I wish I had lazer beam eyes and a nuclear fusion reactor instead of a lymphatic system, aaaaand....two balls of gluueuue TO BE MY FRIENDS!!! and I wish to go dancing...NAKED!

Granted, but after going to jail for public nudity, you accidentally lazer eye your two glue ball friends. You become incredibly depressed and commit suicide, and the nuclear reactor inside you kills everyone around you when you do. You are then hated by everyone in the afterlife forever, with no way out.

I wish I could ruin 14 wishes at once.