Who is the above Escapist... In real life?

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I know that he wants "I beat Awesome Express" written on his tombstone..

I know that AwesomeExpress is an expert in subtle, veiled threats.

I know that he thinks victory will always be his!

AwesomeExpress needs to hope on the train to excellence. Like right now! Before you miss it!

Irony's Acolyte is just an Iron's Acolyte.

Something tells me Cap'n Ninja is part of a clique that plays too much paintball.

He's a prematurely balding office worker from Missouri, who goes drag racing at weekends in his grandmother's car.

She's actually the ghost of somebody you knew in a previous life.

He's the head of an Anarchists group, who have meetings every other week at the civic center.

He is the actual Eddie, mascot of Iron Maiden. The only honest-to-God living dead creature on Earth.

Zirat is in charge of a cult dedicated to destroying social classes. He is naturally the President.

Eumersion is a ninja of the night... Who strikes during the day!

Redlin is secretly addicted to dark chocolate. He can't get enough of it.

Irony's Acolyte is a mysterious rogue with a cool hat.

EDIT: Yay 7000, 6999 more then I originally intended.

xmbts is an accountant who is on the Escapist while doing the math, costing her clients thousands of dollars in mistakes in the paperwork.

Redlin5 is holed up in a rundown building on beautiful Carpenter freeway.

Doc Gnosis is on the moon, spamming everyone with email.

Redlin is actually, a mythical creature that roams Canada, moonlighting as a lumberjack

xmbts is actually a quality control inspector at the Pringles factory.

Cap'n Ninja is most deffinately the exectutive officer of a legitimate marketing company.

Metzeten is Phillip Jackson. An employee of Liquid Design: A company specialising in alternative design concepts.

Cap'n Ninja is really Bruce Willis.

Nouw is Jason Statham's favourite cousin.

HIS AVATAR!!!

nuba probably lives somewhere in Scarbourough.

and your the invisible man

In his Scarborough house, he collects patterned porcelain plates.

and you have murdered someone over a cup of tea

He funds his plate collection by selling antique tea cosies.
No, the embodiment of the female population of Japan had blood spurt from her nose, getting the surrounding area messy

Hmmm.... I take it Cap'n ninja comes from Japan.

ha why is your face blue with fear if you aren't a murder which you are!

Nuba is actualy a mutated insect, posing as a human with a skin condition in the world.
He is a screenwriter\Actor\Director triple threat.

Zirat wants to bring back the age of Metal.

Doc Gnosis makes tin dragonscale fingerless gloves by cutting scale shaped pieces from CocaCola cans and attaching them together. He then sells them on etsy.

She isn't cap'n Ninja at all she's...Captain Ninja.

Also she's some sort of secret agent.

Someone who enjoys root beer and vaggies.

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