Who is the above Escapist... In real life?

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The ghost of future Al Gore.

Mecha-Gandhi.

A boy named Leo. He has a scary friend.

A boy named Cole. He sees dead people.

You're thinking of Scde. And you're a spy for Romania.

Scde was in The Sixth Sense?! O_o

Also, you're an Engineer from the Czech Republic.

He's a Secret Service agent, and posted that from his wrist computer while having a gunfight with a cyborg dictator while hanging from a blimp over the Himalayas.

He's a guy who has been experimenting with voodoo and is just one week away from bringing back his dead wife from beyond the grave.... and then realizing after the zombie apocalypse has come and gone what a mistake that turned out to be.

He is in fact an alien, he just happens to really like the atmosphere here, y'know? He has postponed the invasion for now.

He's the self-declared Emperor of Oceanica, although everyone just ignores him.

He's the ghost of Christmas Past... He really needs to switch calenders however.

He is a spatula.

He's a suave manly man who plays by his own rules, nobody else's, not even his own.

Xmbts may have been a roadie for Modest Mouse.

He's a superhumanly strong one-eyed rock star with a robot buddy named Sparky.

I'm on to you.

Obviously none other than Bozar, mega-producer of the Gnome Hollywood, and famed for his cutthroat buisness policies making him the single most successful movie maker in all Gnomedom.

He is John Johnson, from Normalstreet, Genericville.

He's a benighted moralistic photographer who hides his scarred face behind a mask.

Link To Future had a rough childhood. He was born in 1990 to a small Spanish family that lived on the outskirts of Madrid. His father was a cobbler and his mother washed clothes. In 2008 he was informed that he had won the Young Scientist's of Europe scholarship for his presentation on the applications of pulsar fields in kidney stone disintegration. He was to recieve a full ride scholarship to the Oxford school of practical sciences when his mother fell terribly ill. He was forced to abandon his college path and work part time as a dishwasher in order to help pay medical bills. After visiting her in the hospital his father was on his way home when he was hit by a drunk driver. Deprieved of his family and his dreams of college LInk To Future turned to crime. For just over a year he was a pickpocket on the streets of Madrid until he had secured enough money for passage to America. Once in America he worked once again as a dishwasher in a lounge called The Butterfly. Over the course of the next few months he learned English from a waitress there named Jamie Holts. One night the booked band cancelled at the last moment and the manager decided to host an open mic night. Link To Future was about 10 minutes ahead of schedule and decided to give it a whirl. He sang Lovin, Touchin, Squeezin by Journey. The crowd could have sworn it was Steve Perry up on that smokey stage. A man in the audience, a certain Mr. Randolph Morales, was there to scout the band that was supposed to play. Instead, he heard the talented young Link To Future, who is now on his way to a successful career as a singer.

He's a fiendish small-town cop on the hunt for the last specimen of a great and near-mythical creature.

A Robo-Platypus from the future.

He's an enchantingly handsome Republican hairdresser from the Mississippi delta.

He is the president's brother, living in the beautiful land that is Albuquerque.

He's Weird Al, pining for Albuquerque.

Jerry, the brother of Christ.

He's the leader of the Cyborg Ninja Space Raptor Army.

He's a sword-wielding flyboy grifter who must take medication to keep him sane.

He's my pharmacist, an he's terrified of me.

He's a hate-fuelled albino gentleman spy in a wheelchair.

He's skeletor!

He's actually a dragon living underground. A computer has fallen down a rift caused by an earthquake and he has since learned of the internet through it. He makes his own electricity.

He's a lamp post on Broadway.

He's an underprivileged vegetarian jungle king with a mysterious suitcase handcuffed to his arm.

He is an alligator. Rippy the Alligator to be exact.

Cookie for the reference.

Yeah, I pass the time by ending children's lives. You caught me. :P

He's an immortal dishevelled romance novelist searching for his wife's true killer.

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