You know you've been on the Escapist too long when...

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The mice talk.

This is off-limit to non-users.

You fart to yourself for larfs.

The splendid giantesses have returned.

UltraDeth was crushed by a hulking pelvis.

I have explored these caves and claimed them as my own.

Nathan Drake has retired.

You've reached the Panther tier.

Someone has developed a R.Y.N.O. 10.

You know what that means.

You're addicted to bustin'.

When you watch The Adams Family and think "I could masturbate to this".

The eggs are off.

The washing machine is on fire.

When the headlines promise that the next Resident Evil movie will be the last one.

The rocket pack is cleared for take-off.

When you can't go one day without hearing about another bloody remaster.

Britain has taken back China.

The translator is set to Spud.

When panties explode out the walls and ceiling.

The airship is needing refueling.

There are no remaining sources of fuel anywhere.

It's only 5 more miles to the lost city.

They're already capping A?

When you've read Erin Dies Alone's every new page from beginning to end.

15 new unlockables have been added.

You found the archived shows.

A freaky ghost bed is in the house.

When you find an exact replica of Earth in No Man's Sky.

The parrot has died of old age.

It's fallen off.

You married that Korean girl from up the road.

They added spaced armour to the Shermans.

You feel 150% American.

Russian is at 60%.

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