Blatant Lies

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The last person I spoke with was Jesus.

EilaliE:
The last person I spoke with was Jesus.

Do you live in Mexico?

My grandfather hasn't talked to me in years. He's still alive, after all, and lives in a house, not in my head. He didn't recently tell me to open up an ice cream shoppe to lure in unsuspecting tourists and try to steal their souls with thirty delicious flavors.

Malbourne:
My grandfather hasn't talked to me in years. He's still alive, after all, and lives in a house, not in my head. He didn't recently tell me to open up an ice cream shoppe to lure in unsuspecting tourists and try to steal their souls with thirty delicious flavors.

Pistachio. All unsuspecting tourists love pistachio.

Evil Smurf:

EilaliE:
The last person I spoke with was Jesus.

Do you live in Mexico?

Yes. Have you been stalking me..? Seems like I'll have to move.

EilaliE:

Evil Smurf:

EilaliE:
The last person I spoke with was Jesus.

Do you live in Mexico?

Yes. Have you been stalking me..? Seems like I'll have to move.

Nobody's stalking you. You're just being paranoid. There's nothing behind you, so don't bother turning around.

Malbourne:

EilaliE:

Evil Smurf:
Do you live in Mexico?

Yes. Have you been stalking me..? Seems like I'll have to move.

Nobody's stalking you. You're just being paranoid. There's nothing behind you, so don't bother turning around.

Certainly not a pistachio, in any event.

I'm not slacking off instead of studying for an exam that I have to retake next Friday. I'm super motivated about it. I'm not at all worried about what next year will entail, and I'm certainly not disliking how my school runs things.

Also, I'm not at all bitter about failing to enter my desired college for a second time. After all, I don't want to become a game designer.

Barbas:

Malbourne:
Nobody's stalking you. You're just being paranoid. There's nothing behind you, so don't bother turning around.

Certainly not a pistachio, in any event.

Apparently, you two have a lot of knowledge regarding this topic. So, I'll be trusting whatever you say.

EilaliE:
Apparently, you two have a lot of knowledge regarding this topic. So, I'll be trusting whatever you say.

The most useful piece of information I can give thee is this: the chancellor of the Pistachio People has a weakness to bullets, but favours a surprise attack from the breadbox.

Barbas:

The most useful piece of information I can give thee is this: the chancellor of the Pistachio People has a weakness to bullets, but favours a surprise attack from the breadbox.

I'm taking notes. Not so sure what you mean by "surprise attack", could you clarify?

EilaliE:

Barbas:

The most useful piece of information I can give thee is this: the chancellor of the Pistachio People has a weakness to bullets, but favours a surprise attack from the breadbox.

I'm taking notes. Not so sure what you mean by "surprise attack", could you clarify?

He likes to hide himself in the breadbox, camouflaged as a savoury delight and making muffled bready noises. When someone opens the box for some delectable dough, the last thing they usually see is a pair of tiny eyes staring hungrily back at them from inside a currant bun - he goes for the eyes first, because those allegedly taste like fruit gums.

Barbas:
He likes to hide himself in the breadbox, camouflaged as a savoury delight and making muffled bready noises. When someone opens the box for some delectable dough, the last thing they usually see is a pair of tiny eyes staring hungrily back at them from inside a currant bun - he goes for the eyes first, because those allegedly taste like fruit gums.

That is very kind of you.
I have now successfully graduated the HTAPPU (How-To-Assassinate-Pistachio-People-University). This would have never been achieved without the notes. I would like to show my sincere thanks to you for all the help I have received from you.

I missed out on some high-brow comedy, from my mother's perspective...

Whenever I'm at the beach I become a walrus.

I've never thrown a Halloween themed party on Christmas just to confuse people.

EilaliE:
Whenever I'm at the beach I become a walrus.

delicious

The secret to eternal life is to eat nothing but Pokemon hearts.

Fijiman:
The secret to eternal life is to eat nothing but Pokemon hearts.

At least it's better than Kingdom hearts... (Too many keys for my liking, anyway...)

Fijiman:
The secret to eternal life is to eat nothing but Pokemon hearts.

Not Gengar, though; he'll possess you and use your body to rob jewellery stores.

A disco ball insulted me, it said I didn't sparkle enough.

FPLOON:

Fijiman:
The secret to eternal life is to eat nothing but Pokemon hearts.

At least it's better than Kingdom hearts... (Too many keys for my liking, anyway...)

That's because all they are is lard and keys.

Barbas:

Fijiman:
The secret to eternal life is to eat nothing but Pokemon hearts.

Not Gengar, though; he'll possess you and use your body to rob jewellery stores.

Don't forget that he'll also use your credit card to buy as many copies White Christmas as he can. Also, Ghost pokemon have the best hearts for consumption as they are already dead and don't technically have a physical form.

EilaliE:
A disco ball insulted me, it said I didn't sparkle enough.

You should consider becoming a Twilight vampire then.

I'm hiding from the cops... (Do ask why...)

Fijiman:

EilaliE:
A disco ball insulted me, it said I didn't sparkle enough.

You should consider becoming a Twilight vampire then.

I'll become Eilward for you, Bella.

EilaliE:

Fijiman:

EilaliE:
A disco ball insulted me, it said I didn't sparkle enough.

You should consider becoming a Twilight vampire then.

I'll become Eilward for you, Bella.

Because you didn't say that, I don't now have a reason to post this.

No one should watch the show Garfunkel and Oates...

Fijiman:

EilaliE:

Fijiman:
You should consider becoming a Twilight vampire then.

I'll become Eilward for you, Bella.

Because you didn't say that, I don't now have a reason to post this.

I'm so glad you didn't reject me, Bella! You've now made me the happiest disco ball alive.

The movie Warm Bodies didn't make me laugh at all...

I need someone to drive this car filled with high explosives into town... for science.

The name of the movie Warm Bodies didn't remind me of a chore I need to take care of under cover of darkness...

Humans evolved from cheese dip.

THIS IS THE BEST FORM GAYMZ POGHSTE ON THE ER360NOSCOPIST xdddd LEL SO EPIC!!1!1!!

Evil Smurf:
Humans evolved from cheese dip.

I've just made a cheesy one-liner after hitting the hay...

I'm not a heterosexual. How amazing of me!

Redlin5:
I'm not a heterosexual. How amazing of me!

Nobody has ever been like that before!

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