Why did the user above steal from the cookie jar?

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So we all know the awesome playground game, 'Who Stole the Cookie from the cookie jar?' - but in a bizzare and ridiculously intriguing series of events,

SOMETHING ELSE

has been stolen from the cookie jar.

It is up to you to decide why the bastard obviously nice fellow above you has stolen from the cookie jar.

Rules are as follows:

Now let us start!

I stole a kitten from the cookie jar!

Because it kept asking for a cheeseburger

i stole a wallet

Because he needs to feed his family with money.

I stole a Beer from the cookie jar.

The beer was Carlsberg - cause they do the best beers in the world.

I stole a man's face from the cookie jar

Because I ripped it off and put it there.

I stole a hammer

You didn't want anyone to touch 'this'

I stole a slightly agitated rubber duck

Because of your duck fetish, duh. :P

I stole a pair of scissors from the jar.

Because you wanted to remove your friend's liver and donate to charity, you kind soul.

I stole a magical slice of bread.

Because it cures baldness....

I stole a snake from the cookie jar.

To put it in my bed while I sleep...

I stole Ringo Starr from the cookie jar.

To put him in your bed while you sleep.

I stole Yoshi from the cookie jar.

$599 US Dollars, my savings >.<

To pay for a new catfish.

I stole a microchip from the cookie jar.

The man is after you now!

I stole Joesph Stalin from the cookie jar.

To stroke his mustache.

I stole the the cookie jar.

To have every one of its wacky items.

I stole the inside of the cookie jar.

Because He wanted to be arkward.

I stole a DVD Boxset of Battlestar Galalica (Fucking spellcheck...)

You stole it because you know no one should ever have to sit and watch that rubbish ^_^

I stole a pair of car ears

You stole it to look like ADORABLENESS.

I stole an obtuse turtle

For No RAISIN!

I stole Sxtus's DrumSticks

Because much like Popeye's spinach it gives you power.

I stole a nyan cat.

Because you needed some poptarts...

I stole the sun.

...Because you wanted to remake a Old Spice ad.

I stole a copy of "Superman 64"

Because you needed cheap kindling.

I stole a dalek.

You wanted to defeat Nazi Germany

I stole Arnie Schwarzenegger (spelling?)

To integrative him for his real name.

I stole a fire biscuit.

Because FIRE and noms. But mostly FIRE.
I stole a Cheat! card.

To cheat... at something...

I stole this post!

To enjoy the look of your own typing.

I stole a Frankenstein's monster!

Because you were sick of everyone calling him Frankenstein.

I stole a stein glass.

so you could get into oktoberfest.

I stole a cookie

You wanted to clone it!

I stole a... CENTIPEDE!!!

Because now your collection of animals with 100 legs are complete.

I stole a pie and a beer.

To throw and to drink.

I stole a Uzi

Because Being a post man you felt you needed one.

I stole a fingerprint.

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