I poke Diablo in the eyes and punch him.
"I was here before you were, bitch!" (Me)
"jgdlksjghasjklah" (Real Tox)
Futox walks over to Diablo.
"My brother, stop this futile violence. By sticking together, we can all fix this problem with no losses-Who am I kidding?!" (Futox)
He then stabs him in the fucking head.
"Almost, Futox, almost."
Suddenly, giant enemy crabs.
"Kill Real Tox! And anyone in the way!"
"Real Tox, you'll have to stick with me for a while." (Futox)
"Wha-?" (Real Tox)
"ALL ABOARD!" (Futox)
Futox brings me, Real Tox and Eric onto the Caseys, before making them fucking fly to the Nega City.
Justin, Waffles' writer, breaks the Fourth Wall, "I don't what happened,", he says, drawing his FINAL MEAL AT TIFFANY'S (Original Dalek Arm&&Audrey Hepburn Poster), "But I won't let you kill him!", he yells blasting a crab, "HE OWES ME MONEY FROM THE POTLUCK!"
"I AM FLYING ON AN A HEARD OF SALAMANDERS TO AN UPSIDE DOWN CITY IN THE SKY. MY LIFE IS COMPLETE."
I pull a bottle of Nutmeg out of my pocket, unscrew the cap, and snort it up my nose.
MEANWHILE, IN NEGA CITY!
In Nega Tox's office, DAAAAAAARRRRRRRRK ERIC approaches Nega Tox with a report as he is busy counting gold coins on a scale.
"No, we aren't lowering the age of consent for you and Nega Sakura."
"No, it's not that, sir...although if you go over my 899992372824 page essay, I think-"
"Just tell me what you came in here for!"
"Oh. Right. There is a heard of salamanders flying down from the Mall."
"...Of course there is."
Nemesis follows the Flying Caseys to Nega-City as I steal a choppa and follow suit.
I am already in the choppa.
"VODKA or Scotch?"
I throw RanNDM G out of my Choppa.
"It's pronounced VODKA you git!" I yell at him as he falls.
"Did we lose Diablo?!" (Me)
"I don't think he can get over a stab to the head quickly!" (Futox)
"Then what's that chopper doing over there?!" (Me)
Futox looks at the chopper.
"What the hell did I do to anyone?! I wrote shit on a fucking forum game!" (Real Tox)
"Diablo hates you, that's as far as I know." (Futox)
"And where are we supposed to land?" (Real Tox)
"Either in the main building or at Xot and X' place." (Futox)
"No, Jim's! The building on the left!" (Me)
"Okay, then!" (Futox)
"Wait, he'll know we went there!" (Real Tox)
"Not with the clouds and the stealth option helping us!" (Futox)
The herd of salamanders suddenly turn invisible along with the Mall Fighters on it, land and start going into a building and into Jim's appartment.
"Hey, Jim, we got a few things to tell you! ...Jim?" (Futox)
Futox gets off the herd and checks the bulletin board.
"Went to mission from Nega Tox which may cost my life. Be back by 6." (Futox)
"I didn't know Jim worked for Nega Tox." I say. "But onto important matters: Futox, the break said Real Tox is giving off gamma particles . That's what we avatars use to write the story with. But according to that radar, Real Tox has been giving off WAY more then usual, just by existing. Do you have any idea what could cause that?"
"Excuse me, but gamma particles come from lightning strikes and terrestrial gamma-ray flashes! Darn it, I should have went over to Xot." (Futox)
"At least we're relatively safe." (Me)
"Well, either Real Tox has a pacemaker that gives off a severe amount of gamma particles, or he's the good version of Electro." (Futox)
"Yeah, or he is pulling real life into Mall Fight."
"Jesus. I once had a universe be sucked into another. Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light."
"Wait. If Real Tox has more "gamma particles", then he could use it to make a plot so he can get rid of it!" (Futox)
"That's a great idea! But what should I think of?" (Real Tox)
Real Tox sits down on a sofa and starts thinking.
"Of course! Refocus it! Eventually, the gamma gland will overextend itself!"
I rush over to Real Tox. "Think, Tox! Use your IMAGINATION!"
"I'm thinking... I got it! Tox and Eric, you will need to find a cure in the Mall to take care of Nemesis, and Futox, you'll need to herd those salamanders for the entire story arc and have flashbacks about your dead girlfriend!" (Real Tox)
"I don't have a..." (Futox)
"Well, then, let's get Jim and Xot and go!" (Me)
Real Tox grabs a laptop.
"I'll keep the plot going here, maybe I'll manage to refocus the gamma gland if I keep working on it!" (Real Tox)
I grab Tox by the arm. "Come on!"
However, as we walk out, we find Nega Tox.
"May I ask just why THERE IS A MILLION FUCKING LIZARDS ALL OVER MY GODDAMN TOWN."
I respawn in the helicopter.
"It was a trick question. They were both Scotch."
I kill Diablo with alcohol poisoning.
"Well, see, we fled from an insane Mall Fighter who tried to kill Real me, because he somehow generates more gamma particles than the other writers, but he can channel those particles by writing a plot." (Me)
"...Of course." (Nega Tox)
Nega Tox walks away.
"Why did I get my city in the one place where anything is possible?" (Nega Tox)
I fly my helicopter over Tox and Nega Tox.
Futox calmly walks out of the room and onto the roof with the salamanders.
A crab that attached itself to the underside of the copter jumps down and spits out a micro robot with the head of the MCP that grows seven feet.
"TO STOP THE EXASTANCE OF I, THE BREAK IN REALITY, REAL TOX MUST BE DESTROYED!"
I jump down from the copter and annihilate the giant enemy crab with a CD cannon that shoots lightning and tornadoes. The chopper crashes on top of the crab for good measure.
I toss Tox a pair of cool shades.
"That takes care of the cremation."
However, I already have my cool Sollux shades on. In fact, I wonder when I last cleaned them.
"Man, that was awesome. I guess me and Tox should start looking for that cure now."
I sneak away during the boss battle and hide somewhere in the city as it was time for my writer to sleep.
Nemesis on the other hand was lost in the citys space museum.
Tox wears his cool shades over his cool Sollux shades. For ironic purposes.
That somewhere Diablo sneaked away to was Nega Tox' office, and he quickly gets spotted and killed.
But that was a booze dream
"So, let's get Xot." (Me)
However, before Diablo can be killed, DAAAAAARRRRRRRRK ERIC rushes in, saying "Wait, wait!...Diablo, could you read this 899992372824 page essey?"
"Oh, for the love of..."
Nega Tox kicks the both of them out, kicking Diablo so hard he flies up into the Mall.
No i like the lava one better, night
Diablo lands in the lava pit.
"SO. Let's get Xot and Jim!" (Me)
Jim and Xot burst up on the roof.
"Could I kindly ask what all those fucking salamanders are doing all over the city?" (Jim)
"Also, why does X have such a large penis?" (Xot)
"A proper diet, a certain distillation of royal jelly from my beekeeping days, and the rarefied atmosphere here in Nega City where I keep my primary residence." says X as he walks forward, like a badass.
"That doesn't explain the salamanders!" (Jim)
"That's because I ran into a small problem." (Futox)
"Are you herding them or what?" (Jim)
"Yeah, I might as well be." (Futox)
"Can I keep one?" (Jim)