Vote for Me!

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Vote for me, 'cos that Fiji ain't nuthin' but a ho!

Vote for me and I'll have ice cream in every pocket!

Vote for me and I will remove liberal values for everyone everywhere, replacing them with robot dogs and missile drones!

Vote for me and maybe I'll do something about that annoying grinding noise that keeps you up all night.

Vote for me because I don't know who that dude is but he's probably here to steal your silver and doubloons!

A vote for Fijiman is a vote for not the next person.

I promise to be tough on criminals... by being a more ruthless criminal!

Vote for me and I will make sure that gamer gate won't bother you anymore.

Vote for me for I have fabulous hair.

Vote for me, I'm not Fijiman!

Vote for me for I am not secretly a dog disguised as a weapons manufacturer.

Vote for me I am much sexier than the others.

When I am elected, I will give everyone a FREE MANSION*!
When I am elected, everybody will get a $1 000 000 TAX REFUND**!
When I am elected, I will bring TRUE DEMOCRACY*** back to Escapistland!
When I am elected, I will fix the GRIDLOCK IN ESCAPISTLAND CITIES****!
When I am elected, everybody will get 20kg of FREE FOOD*****!
When I am elected, I will END POVERTY******!
When I am elected, I will BRING THE COUNTRY TOGETHER*******!
When I am elected, I will CREATE 10 000 000 NEW JOBS********!
When I am elected, I will REVITALIZE THE SPACE PROGRAM*********!
When I am elected, I will RENEW FIREFLY FOR A SECOND SEASON**********!

Vote for me and I will implement all these new changes to Escapistland. We are turning the corner, and you want someone who will fight for YOU. So vote for me, and help to usher in a new age of the Escapist!
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*Mansion being the name of the newest tax form

**A new $1 000 000 will be created for this purpose. One will be handed out to everybody. Who cares about inflation, right?

***This true democracy will involve no actual voting. Or any real voter input, really. Well, that's true democracy to me. Not sure what you guys thought it meant.

****This will be achieved by the government repossessing all cars owned by citizens and exporting them to other countries.

*****Said food does not have to be edible.

******The poverty line will be lowered to the point that no one is under it.

*******This will be achieved by creating a mandatory, 5 year conscription policy

********This will be a side effect of the five year, mandatory conscription policy

*********Shipping a giant death laser into space would count as revitalizing the space program, right?

**********If Joss Whedon is up for it. And all the actors are cool with it. And they can find a network that will take it. And it won't cost too much.

[I didn't know what to call what this election was for, so I just said Escapistland. I didn't really have time to go through the entire forum.]

Vote for me, I'll demolish Euro-Disney and build a Better-Disney!

Vote for me and I will give you a night to remember.

Vote for me and I'll get three people to do what he said!

Vote for me and I will ensure that our world will be just like Mad Max.

Vote for me for my goals smell like victory and good cheese.

Vote for me and you will survive the upcoming apocalypse

Vote for me and I'll not stab you! :o

Vote for me and I will see us to the sunlit uplands.

Vote for me and I will see us to the dimly lit dance-clubs.

Vote for me and you'll never go hungry again!

Vote for me a receive 2 free votes absolutely free!

Vote for me and I'll Greenlight any old shit.

Vote for me if you want to live

Vote for me and you'll get to give T0ad one free smack upside the head.

Vote for a bleak future and a forgotten tomorrow!

Vote for me to ensure the end of the reptilian Queen Elizabeth II's rain of terror.

Vote for me and I'll share the post count! :D

If you vote for me, you could win a sushi dinner.

Vote for a different tomorrow! Today!

A vote for me is a vote for the creation of the most metal pants ever.

Vote for me and I will make sure that the trains run on time.

Vote for me. Vote for cat memes.

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