Mall Fight - Back To Basics (Open)

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"Yes." I say, mounting an automated book catapult on the battlements of my fort.

I walk in and start reading a load-bearing copy of Game of Thrones.

Fortulently the only thing the book is supporting is a table, and by taking it, Trilby causes a bowling ball to roll off the table and land on his foot.

"That was a completely pointless set-up! The fuck?" I yelp.

I respawn in a nearby arcade.

I proceed to build an arcade fort o3o

Hmmm it's rather lonely in this fort dododo hmmm boring I'm going to sleep

Knocks TrilbyWill over and sits on his chest, shoving slice upon slice of pizza into Trilby's mouth


I look down from the bookforts battlements to see Over killing Trilby. "How the hell'd you get in my bookfort?!" I say.

*Points to the another rather large hole in one of the mattresses that make up a wall in the mattress fort.*

"I think it was bedbugs. You should clean this place up!"

*Thinks that he forgot to mention that he sneaked in behind TrilbyWill on his way out of the Domino's Pizza*

*Gets up and brandishes a large wooden pizza spatula at Knife*

"So. Here we are in a mattress fort with nothing to do but beat each other senseless. Shall we begin or would you like the time to formulate some last words?"

"But, we're in a book fort..." I say, pointing at the surrounding litereature.

*Is currently a confused idiot. Turns blue*

Poison Pizza?

*Dies and respawns in book fort, now more aware of what's going on.*

Do you have "Murder by Numbers?"

"I'll have a look." I say, before ducking down behind the battlements then reapearing a moment later with the book. "Yes, yes we do." I then through the book at Over's face. Hard.

*Is knocked backwards end over end off the battlements to the not so soft carpeted floor below*

"Owww. That hurt."

*Grabs a letter opener from the stationary department of the book store and a ladder from the wall.

"Oi this ladder is heavy."

*Leans the ladder against a wall of the book fort and starts climbing, letter opener in his mouth*

I push the ladder backwards off the battlements.

"Oh... shiiiiiiiiiiiiii"

*Thuds onto the floor below, again.*


*Starts kicking books, trying to break through the wall*


The wall trembles, and with a cry of "Ohhhh Shhiiitttt.", I fall with it, trapping both me and Over under the rubble.

*Should have thought that plan through*

"Well hey there Knife, ummm... how's your day going?"

*Hopes the weight of the books can kill him so he can respawn*

"" I say, taken by surpise by the question. While thinking of a response, I notice the letter opener laying just within arms reach. I work on freeing my arm so I can grab it.

I look at the letter opener, then at Knife. I kick him in the face.

I break some of the older arcade cabinets and make a sword out of their scraps.

*Finally dies due to the sheer weight of books on his chest and respawns back in the Sporting Good store.*


*Picks up a Bow and a couple of arrows and prays that he remembers how to use them and then picks up an aluminum bat for good measure.*

"Let's go hunting."

Due to the weakened structure of the book fort, more of it collapses, crushing Trilby, Over and myself. I then respawn and take control of DJ DenM's matress fort.

*Has moved on to an abandoned American Apparel store and gathers a few shirts and ripped them into rags. Moves on to a smoke shop and grabs to lighter fluid and a lighter.*

"Burn burn burn... the forts gonna burn... burn burn burn... the forts gonna burn..."

*Starts wrapping the American Apparel rags around his gathered arrows and dousing them with lighter fluid.*

"Burn burn burn... Knife's gonna burn... burn burn burn... Trilby's gonna burn..."

*Stands in front of the Mattress fort.*


I look over the battlements of the matress fort to see Over standing there looking all pyromainiatic.
"Awww hell naww." I say, before unleashing the deadliest weapon in my arsonal...THE SOFT CUSHION!

*Wonders what the Soft Cushion is before ducking behind whatever he can find*

"WTF was that? Surrender and I might let you live!!"

*Sparks the lighter and lights up one of the rag tipped arrows*

"Surrender or I'll burn you out!!"

I continue to pelt Over with soft cushions. Like, literal soft cushions.

"The corners they hurt my eyes!!!"

*Misfired an arrow into the ceiling*

The flaming arrow causes all the spriklers to activate, all of them. Needless to say the Mall is quickly starting to flood.

I respawn behind over wielding a sharp rake.
"YOU RANG?" I say ominously.

*Feels TrilbyWill's hot breath on his neck and reaches for his bat*

"Time to rake what you sow!!!"

*Thinks "that's not how it goes" as he swings for the bleachers*

I block the bat with my arm and headbutt Over repeatedly.

I use other arcade cabinets and tokens to make a token gun.

The Mall continues to flood and I make a boat out of some spare matresses.

Makes a boat out of arcade cabinets. "This place sure has a lot of arcade cabinets."

As the water rises, I find that matresses don't make good boats, so I swim over to DJ DEnM's boat and climb aboard.

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