Mall Fight - Back To Basics (Open)

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*Falls to his knees and punches TrilbyWill in the kneecap. As Trilby falls to his knees as well, starts punching Trilby over and over and over and over again... and then stops.*

"You know if we keep this up, we'll just drown. I suggest we get a canoe from that handy sporting goods shop. That pet shop down the ways might have a display of Piranha for all we know"

The Pet Shop does indeed have a display of Piranha as well as venomous snakes

The pet store floods and all the venomous snakes drown. Except for the sea snakes. They're fine.

Oh, and I guess the piranhas are released as well.

*Hops up, dashes to that damn sporting goods store and jumps aboard a barely sea worthy canoe*

"Might as well look for some supplies."

*Grabs a couple of flares, a flare gun, a life vest, a few metal oars and a fishing rod w/ bait*

I abandon DJ DEnM in my matress boat, then try to ram Over's canoe with the arcade cabinet boat.

I climb into the canoe. "ONWARDS, for Destiny!" I declare, pointing my rake at a strip club announcing the new dancer named Destiny in neon.
"Knife! Come with us!" I yell. "Or I lobotomise you."

Unfortulenty, the strip club floods, drownign all inside and polluting the waters with dirty lingerie. Meanwhile, I ram the canoe while Trilby and Over are distacted.

I jump from my boat and stab Knife with my Arcade sword. I retake my boat.

I respawn in 'Billy Bobs Boating Bonanza' and steal a motorboat, which I then use to run over DJ DEnM.

I respawn in the nearby maintenance hall where I find a drain. I unplug the drain so the mall stops flooding. I then shoot Knife with my Token gun.

*Watches as the water drains and flopping Piranhas start appearing on the floor.*

"IDEA!"

*Grabs a couple of the floundering piranhas and clamps them onto DJ's nipples and runs off laughing as they piranhas start gnawing their way into DJ's chest*

Dies and respawns. "I'LL GET YOU!"

I start chasing Over frantically while waving my arcade sword

I respawn and hit DJ DenM over the head with a box.
A box filled with poision lobsters that is.

I respawn and trap Knife in a cage. Which I proceed to weld to the floor. "Get out of that!"

I paddle along after Over.
And by that, I mean I drag the canoe along the ground with the paddle.

I give Knife a knife, now he has a way out..... not a good one though.

"Thank you kindly good sir." I say to Night Angle, committing Sepuku and respawning next to the cage. I then return his knife to it's propor place, his chest.

I start mining in the nearby rock climbing wall. I break through and...lava comes out. I burn to death.

I then remove the knife from my chest, and before bleeding out, I use it to slit Knife's backstabbing throat :P

I respawn in an electronics store, and set about building a fort with all the computer casings.

I paddle up to Knife. "Soup broth." I say.

"Soup broth tea you brew." I respond to Trilby, before activating the automated CD cannon on my fort, which starts firing upon him and his boat.

*throws frag grenade*

I paddle away at low speed.
Incredibly low.

I steal Trilby's boat, kill him and plant the French flag in the boat. Then I make a fort with it.

((Also, fuck yea forts.))

I throw a molotov cocktail at DJ DEnM's Boatfort.

I escape before it can burn completely and lunge my arcade sword at Knife.

I respawn on Knife's shoulders. "Onwards, to battle, trusty steed!" I yell, pointing my rake at DJ.

As Trilby respawns on my shoulders, I trip, impailing Trilby with DJ DEnM's sword, and trapping him under Trilby's dead weight. I then abscond while I have the chance.

I respawn on top of DJ and start slapping him silly.

I stab Trilby again and throw his corpse at Knife.

*Spawns at Pet shop and unleashes a rabid horde of chinchillas from their quarantine.*

"HHAHAHAHAAHA!!!"

*Dies frothing at the mouth as he is attacked*

I respawn near the rabid chinchilla pet shop.
"That seems dangerous and irresponsible." I say.
I put on my Staples Easy Armour and rush the horde.
THAT WAS EAS- THA- TH- TH- THAT WA-
I impale the last chinchilla.
THAT WAS EASY!

Meanwhile in the Ye Olde Outdoor BBQ Supply Shop

*Spawns, in the "Ye Olde Outdoor BBQ Supply shop.*

"More chaos more!!"

*Strolls over to the display of propane tanks and fills a flat cart with them*

"*Whistling Dixie*"

*Grabs a few flares that he finds in an emergency kit in the back and wheels his cache towards an open escalator. As he reaches edge, he waits until he sees his opponents. Lights a flare and hops in the cart, propelling it towards the soon to be chaos*

Goes into the nearest astrology store to grab a telescope. I tape it to my token launcher to make the "Long-range Arcadesmans +1 Token Sniper". Patent pending.

I walk over to the base of the escalator, and, seeing Over speeing down, hold a cricket bat at about head hight.

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