Mall Fight - Back To Basics (Open)

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*Spawns at Pet shop and unleashes a rabid horde of chinchillas from their quarantine.*


*Dies frothing at the mouth as he is attacked*

I respawn near the rabid chinchilla pet shop.
"That seems dangerous and irresponsible." I say.
I put on my Staples Easy Armour and rush the horde.
I impale the last chinchilla.

Meanwhile in the Ye Olde Outdoor BBQ Supply Shop

*Spawns, in the "Ye Olde Outdoor BBQ Supply shop.*

"More chaos more!!"

*Strolls over to the display of propane tanks and fills a flat cart with them*

"*Whistling Dixie*"

*Grabs a few flares that he finds in an emergency kit in the back and wheels his cache towards an open escalator. As he reaches edge, he waits until he sees his opponents. Lights a flare and hops in the cart, propelling it towards the soon to be chaos*

Goes into the nearest astrology store to grab a telescope. I tape it to my token launcher to make the "Long-range Arcadesmans +1 Token Sniper". Patent pending.

I walk over to the base of the escalator, and, seeing Over speeing down, hold a cricket bat at about head hight.

*Rides head first into the cricket bat. His tumbling body forcing the lit flare to arc through the air as propane tanks follow suit. One comes to rest at Knife's feet the valve having been sheered off by the force of the impact. A series of low rumbles are heard as the tanks land and break open. The flare reaches the edge of the propane cloud and ignites an inferno that wipes out everyone on the 1st and second floors.*

I respawn in the basketball courts.
"Oh my god!" I say,


I set it on fire with my flamethrower, which I use to incinerate Knife.

I use my new Token Sniper to shoot EricDraven square in the head with a token.

I respawn. "Eric set the fire...on fire...." I say, the resulting lack of logic causing my head to explode. I then respawn again and grab a cricket bat, I then start sneaking up on DJ DEnM.

I use the five D's of Dodgeball:

In a random direction.

That random direction is straight towards me, catching me off guard. I swing my cricketbat at random, hoping to his DJ DEnM.

Knife hits me as I respawn, batting my head into DJ's head so hard it blows HIS head up.

I respawn and run after Knife with a titanium spork.

"No, not.....THE SPORK!!!!!!"
I flail my cricket bat at DJ DEnM.

I weave and bob (Boxing training helped!) and gouge Knife's left eye out, so he can see himself getting beaten by a spork.

"Agh!" I wack DJ DEnM over the head with the cricket bat.

I finish killing Knife just in time to not get knocked out from the paddling of the Cricket bat.

*stumbles in*


*is jumped by mall security and brutally beaten to death with a water noodle*

Fun fact, 'Mall Security' that just pounced Redlin were actually golums made from water noodles.
Now that that little tidbit of infomation is out of the way, I respawn and light the Water Noodle Golums on fire.
It dosn't do much.


I need something to fight with...

*jumps into the Mall's RONA store and grabs an Adjustable Ground Spike*


*swings with all his might and knocks off the head of a Golumn*

I respawn.
I then charge in and start hitting golums with my cricket bat.

*finishes off last Golumn*

Why, hello there.

"Ah, a newcomer, welcome!" I say, before smashing my cricket bat over Redlin's head.

I spawn and stab Knife and wait for the newcomer to respawn.

"Hi Redlin! I've always admired you in these forums, from afar." (Me)

I tackle EricDraven while yelling "LEEEROOOOOOY JENKINNNSSSSS". While he's on the ground I snap his neck off and plant a white flag where it was.

(Captcha: umbrella corporation. THEY DO EXIST O_o)

*Respawns and runs into hardware store again, hiding*

I follow Redlin into the hardware store. "Oh Reddie, come out and play-ay..." I call out.

I tackle Knife in hopes of reviving this topic and snap his neck.

Fortulently for me, what DJ DEnM thought was my neck was actually the ice covering it, and his snapping of it also causes the rest of the ice encasing me to shatter. I hit DJ over the head with the but of my cricket bat and run deeper into the store.

Spawn in the Hardware store, have the unfortunates to spawn in front of Knife, get stabbed by him as he runs past, respawn in the water feature in the middle of the mall.

"What the f**k was that?!"

I spawn in front of FDLinc and shoot a boxing glove arrow into his face.

I wonder how I managed to stab the newcomer with a cricket bat. While wondering this, I crash into a rack of wireless drills. I respawn, and grab the boxing glove arrow as it flys towards FDLinc.

having seen this, I grab Knife's hand, I put both our fists in the glove and pull him along enough to punch out Eric.
Sadly Knife is no-homo, so he promptly yanks his hand out and drowns me.
Respawn into a Hot Topic and start to wonder where I went wrong.

Again, I wonder why I would drown this newcomer, and not simply it him in the balls with my cricket bat. Not able to discount the posibility of alien brain slugs at play, I check myself into The Mall Hospital.

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