A watch killed me? WHAT!?
I respawn, and run to the grocery store, and get a sack of potatoes. I also grab a BBQ lighter from the checkout desk, I make a break for my old body with the pipes and spray cans.
Unfortunately, I've converted the watch-speeding chess-playing machine into a movie projector that induces the symptoms of a rare virus know as "The Plots", and also induces extreme sleepiness. I find Zeph, and shine it on him.
I swerve into the mall in my white 2007 Ford Focus. I kick open the door and a mountain of bottles and cans fall out onto the ground. I light my cigarette and bumble around the entrance, avoiding the mall as much as possible. I. Hate. The. Mall...
But I do like food. I stop in the Food Court. The fire and blood is a minor point my friends, as I listen to death metal and this stuff makes me feel welcome. It seems there has been a fight, and people were killed with Nintendo 64 and original X Box equipment. It also appears that there is, for the time being, an endless supply of chili cheese fries. Do I endeavor? Oh hell yes. All those minimum wage jobs means I work a fryer like a champ.
...BLAST! Chili in a mini riot is a bad idea. I barely make it to bathroom, and the toilet seat pays the price. I just became That Dude: the one who pooped on the seat. Hovering above the seat, I notice through the crack in the door that someone has followed me inside. It is a naked man. Shit just got real (weird). He perches on a urinal in a Thinker pose... but he never expected that I would have the first strike. I burst from the stall and hit him with a full blast of dookie. "My body is a weapon! Ahahahaha!" I scream as I run out of the destroyed bathroom.
I shove a novelty Servbot head on Enslave_All_Elves
before throwing him down a massive flight of stairs and into a car that happens to be flying off a cliff.
As the light is shined on me, I feel something come over me, "Come heroes! We must defeat the evils that live in this mall! But first, nap... tim...e...zzzzzzz" I collapse half way finished my potato cannon.
I grab Zeph's cannon, and combine it with my own projector to make an instadeath-grenade blaster. I turn around to see a man who looks just like me, but covered in feces, so I shoot him. Then I kill Zeph, for good measure.
OoC: I hate you... (not really but I didn't even get to use ma spud gun...)
I respawn and chuckle, I hadn't properly sealed the pipes together with the super glue yet, one more shot would cause the spud gun to fail, exploding the user. I run to a mountain climbing store and grab a pick, and start to dig a hole in the floor to make a pit fall trap.
I use my Barney Technomagic to rig the gun to explode, and I happen to run into martintox, whom I throw the gun at. BOOM!
I finish digging my pit fall, covering the bottom with deadly spikes, had to replace the tickle spikes as they just wouldn't do, and go to the bakery. I then place the cake in the centre of the pitfall and run to a bush near the trap watching and waiting.
Hey! Cake! I run to it and, in sheer excitement, literally hover three feet above the ground. I eat the cake.
"Ha ha! I knew someone would try to float over the trap, that's why I got a special 'pound' cake. I call it the 'tonne' cake! Muhahahaahaaha!!" I jump out of the bushes.
Thinker feels heavy as he slowly falls into the trap, after finishing he plummets into the spikes. "And that is for stealing my spud gun!"
I sneak up behind Zepherus, and push him into his own trap. I then disappear back into the bushes.
I respawn and set the bushes on fire.
While I burn to death, the fire spreads to the basketball courts. I respawn, and observe the inferno.
I respawn and go to the 'Janitors-R-US' store and grab a gas mask. I then run over to Foot locker with some tongs and grab the stinkiest socks in the universe. I start running through the mall looking for people to throw the socks in their face.
The burning basketball court explodes. Because.....reasons......
I see Knife admiring the explosion of the basketball court. I walk up to him and ask. "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Knife's nose explodes off his head, trying to run from the stench of the socks. "I didn't think so either..." Knife dies from a nose bleed...
I get a ticket for the big game.
Um... what the hell was that?!
I respawn, and tackle Zeph and Tox into the flames.
Knife dies because of the stench of the socks again as he makes the tackle, but the socks land in the fire, burning way the socks without a trace.
I respawn, and go to the grocery store, and go to the apple section, yes there is an entire 'apple' section.
I grab a plastic bags from the side of the isle, catching as many apples as I can and run off. Knife tries to continue to pelt me with apples, but I knock over a tower of cans, distracting him as I make my escape with an apple corer.
*new challenger* I spawn in the grocery in the beverage section and grabs cans of soda and shake them as I run around the store, heading towards the sound of falling cans.
I try to burst through the shelves and tackle Zeph, but fail, and tackle Tonz of Fun instead.
I crack a Bottle of VODKA over Knifes head.
A safe distance away I hide in a booster juice store. I core the apples, and put the seeds in a blender. I then grabbed an funnel, and a container of the blended seeds and ran off to find someone, making my way to the top level of the mall.
(Apple seeds have cyanide in them, about half a cup will kill)
I take Zep's Juice and drink it, thinking it to be VODKA.
I respawn in a GameStop.
I respawn, and grab a hammer, looking for someone to kill.
I push Knife's body off of me and sigh, throwing the cans into the air and run to the spice aisle, putting cayenne pepper in coffee filters, making little spice bombs and run out of the store to the Gamestop.
I burst through the front of Gamestop, and start swinging my hammer at anything and anyone.
Hears the commotion coming from gamestop and heads over there seeing Knife going crazy
I hear the cries of a multitude of really bad games dying. Wondering what happened, I looks over the banister to see Tonz running up to the Gamestop. I grab one of the potted plants near me and chuck it in his direction.
I hear the pot break only a few feet from me and look around, seeing Zeph and throw one of my cayenne pepper bombs back at him.
The head of the hammer flies off the the handle, and hits Tonz in the face.