Mall Fight - Back To Basics (Open)

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Eric's ghost is burned by the blinding light of the light bulb.

Hey, it makes as much sense as a decorative rifle being a conventional weapon.

No, I won't let it go.

Scorched and blinded, I possess Tox.

"A decorative rifle is a perfectly normal and conventional weapon." (Tox)

I call ghostbusters.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" (Me)

I am sucked into the ghost box thing. However, the Ghostbusters charge Knife with a ridiculous fee.

"Bullshit! If a conventional weapon can't be used the way it was intended to be used, it's not conventional anymore! Plus, there's always the chance that it was actually a combination of materials that happened to look like a conventional weapon and he probably doesn't hear me." (Me)

I pay the Ghostbusters, who leave. I then zap Eric back a body, which I dump in the fountain.

I cannot swim.

"Help! Someone!" (Me)

A sexy lifeguard babes rescue me.

"Like, what's like, up?" (Bizarro Sister)

"Bizarro Sister!? No! No canon from past or ongoing Mall Fights! Bad Sister! Bad!" (Me)

I kick Bizarro Sister off and commit suicide. I respawn on Knife's head, and I mess up his hair, making it look all frizzy.

I'd like to note that the fountain is electrified.

I push Eric back into the fountain, causing him to die electrified.

Also, you have broken the oath!

FOR SHAME.

"Ahhhhhhhh! I'm being electrified! This is incredibly painful! Ahhhhhh!" (Me)

Everyone shuns Eric. And by shun, I mean hits in the face with 2x4 planks of wood.

I steal all the bits of wood, and nail them together to create a large cube.

"My god, THE CUBE!"


Um... no. More like Jim Henson's Cube. Anyhow, I run around while in the cube, crushing people. Ziggy herds them to the right place.

I respawn in the pest control store, and grab an armful of bug bombs.

ORGIA MODE ACTIVATED

I spawn inside the cube and grab onto The Thinker.

"This is fun!" (Me)

I crush MammothBlade and Martintox. I bash Eric repeatedly against the side of the cube, giving him several concussions. Then I roll over Knife, triggering all the bombs at once. The shrapnel from the destroyed cube kills everything not already dead.

"Hey can you believe those little foam dinosaurs that grow out of the little foam eggs, can move if you leave them in the water long enough!!" I shout riding on a giant foam/sponge T-rex dinosaur.

"Can you believe the bookstore didn't have any spud jokes!?" I say as I load my spud gun.

"It seems you all don't have enough STARCH in your diet! Let me help you with that!!" I open fire on everyone available.

OoC: It's made of foam, so the dinosaur is mostly just for the 'WTF is that?!' factor, it wouldn't be able to do anything...

I respawn and set the dinosaur on fire with a lighter.

"Now you are riding a dinosaur that is on fire! How badass is that!?" (Me)

Zepherus quickly burns to death.

I respawn, confused as to how someone went and burned a sponge filled with water.

With logic! Foam is weak to fire, and thus cancels out water's strength over fire!

"Damn you logic!"

I kick Zepherus in the groin.

"Indeed." (Me)

"AH!!" I keel over in pain, "WHY?!"

"Because...consider the Wallace." (Me)

image

I slap Eric.
"Now stop that, it's silly." I say, "And rather suspect."

I Grab Knife and shove a Toy Knife up his ass.

I laugh at Knife's misfortune.

I eventually recover from the impact to my balls, and swiftly slam my foot squarely into Eric's crotch...

"Damn it, that freakn hurt! How the hell do you like it!?"

I laugh at Eric's misfortune. Then I jump in the fountain and respawn.

I run for the hills, making a mad dash to the sports equipment store, Erik isn't going to sack me again!

I shoot myself, and respawn in front of Zep. Where I kick him in the balls.

"Eric. With a C." (Me)

"AgH!! YOU CAN READ MINDS TOO?! I think one of them popped you jerk!" I say rolling around on the floor.

OoC: Sorry about that, force of habit. One of my friends is named Erik. So I often just write it that way...

I Grab Eric and cut off his balls with a spoon(?!)

"It's an understandable mistake." (Me)

I signal a horde of wildebeests.

"However, you must still be punished." (Me)

I get out of the way as Zep is trampled.

I then notice I have no balls.

"Well, shit." (Me)

I die.

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