Create a life story for the user above you

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As the title suggests! Use your hilarious minds to create a life story for the poster above you!
You could explain in great detail, from the beginning of their life to the moment of their death, or some it up in a sentence, doesn't matter, I trust you guys to know what to do!

TheFunPolice policed all fun.

Until there was no fun left to be ha-

Daystar Clarion:
TheFunPolice policed all fun.

Until there was no fun left to be ha-

Daystar Clarion derailed a thread on the Escapist once, and enjoyed the adrenaline rush so much that he had to do it again. And again. And again.

These days, he's a broken shell of a man, only driven by the desire to derail. He spends his days begging for change from passerby, only to start accusing them of starting the Spanish Civil War if they actually reply.

Spirit loved to run free through the mountains and valleys untill one day he ran into the Roadrunner and Wile E Coyote. Wile e Coyote and Road-runner were pretective of their territory and chased Spirit off a cliff where he fell to his death.

(sorry, I was picturing this in my head and it was much more funnier in my head than when written)

Saoirse13 was a secret agent for a big corporation and is assigned to spy on the competition, the competition? Pepsi. This agent is a spy for Coca-Cola, and not Pepsi knows who is spying on them.

Always looking behind her, knowing Pepsi is there somewhere, watching...

Fiz_The_Toaster:
Saoirse13 was a secret agent for a big corporation and is assigned to spy on the competition, the competition? Pepsi. This agent is a spy for Coca-Cola, and not Pepsi knows who is spying on them.

Always looking behind her, knowing Pepsi is there somewhere, watching...

Crap I've been foiled. Brilliant. Made me laugh alot.

saoirse13:

Fiz_The_Toaster:
Saoirse13 was a secret agent for a big corporation and is assigned to spy on the competition, the competition? Pepsi. This agent is a spy for Coca-Cola, and not Pepsi knows who is spying on them.

Always looking behind her, knowing Pepsi is there somewhere, watching...

Crap I've been foiled. Brilliant. Made me laugh alot.

Yay!

My job here is done, glad I could be of use!

He was created fo the sole purpose of making Saoirse13 laugh, and now he must return to his creators for debriefing and termination.... It's been a good run, friend.

@The Night Angel
wants fried chicken from Old Snake

The Night Angel is from an alternate universe where Solid Snake was real and after he finished his work in FOXHOUND he opened a fried chicken place.

EDIT: crap you got there before I finished typing.
hmm I can't really see your profile picture so I'll say your a robot created to advertise march mayhem

Having become jaded and cynical after years of operating a successful proctology practice, @DrRockor decided he needed a change. No longer content with removing foreign objects, including gerbils, from people's rectums, DrRockor decided to create a musical supergroup. Teaming up with Dr. Dre, DrRockor's first album went triple platinum. However, DrRockor was not suited to a life of fame and tragically died of a morphine overdose he prescribed to himself soon after performing his hit single "Crack that Azz" at the Grammy's. He became the first person to have his medical license posthumously revoked.

Dags90:
Having become jaded and cynical after years of operating a successful proctology practice, @DrRockor decided he needed a change. No longer content with removing foreign objects, including gerbils, from people's rectums, DrRockor decided to create a musical supergroup. Teaming up with Dr. Dre, DrRockor's first album went triple platinum. However, DrRockor was not suited to a life of fame and tragically died of a morphine overdose he prescribed to himself soon after performing his hit single "Crack that Azz" at the Grammy's. He became the first person to have his medical license posthumously revoked.

That is hilarious and I love you for it

Dags90 was a notable author in the niche genre of bird-related horror. However, he grew increasingly despondent after his latest masterpiece, "The Magpies of Middleborough," failed to appear on bestseller lists despite a riveting plot about a coven of magpies who were summoning an eldritch cassowary from beyond the stars to bring forth the end of days before being thwarted by an 11 year old with a BB gun. In spite of such affronts to his greatness, Dags90 chose to remain among humanity due to the presence of his one friend, who was a constant inspiration with his frequent practices of bringing home bird carcasses, adorning them with leaves and powders, and putting them over flames before ingesting them to absorb their power, or sometimes just deepfrying them. However, one day, Dags90 was on a walk in the park with his friend when a pigeon ceased its cooing and started spewing a litany of curses and incantations. Dags90 was protected due to a variety of salves and baubles that he kept on his person at all times, and he was eventually able to silence the bird using a rock that he enchanted to be painful when thrown at things. His friend, who was oddly not well protected against the daily threat of bird related occult ritual, succumbed immediately, and his soul was ripped from his body and sent into the nearest object, a mockingbird carving that he had just bought. Dags90 brought the statue that was now his only friend home to stand by his computer, and he began his quest of frequenting as many internet forums as possible in hopes of one day encountering an enchanted woodcarver who might restore his friend to life

Launcelot111 has been stalking the ones who kidnapped his goldfish for three days now. The fish, cleverly dubbed "Goldie," was likely withholding all kinds of confidential secrets about the universe, and was about to speak of them when he went missing from the garbage disposal he was living in until his fish bowl got out of the wash.

I'm a girl. By the way.

maziecat has been in the wilderness for five days. he has had nothing but irn bru to consume. he needs food to accompany this holy drink, but the only thing in the area is poison ivy. doing what he must, he ventures on, looking for some food, looking for some wild steak plants. little does he know, sneezing panda is out, kicking ass and blowing his nose. bad luck for him, pandas all out of tissues and asses to kick....

Maziecat was known throughout life for three things, his scintillating wit, addiction to satirical videos, and the fact that he never took off that bloody helmet of his. Tragedy struck his family when his spouse finally convinced him to take it off, and the sight of his helmet hair turned the family to stone. Broken, he set off into the sunset with his feline companion, never to be seen again.

Genetically engineered in a lab by sentient meerkats, Heronblade's only goal was to create a website dedicated to profiling the species. And he succeeded...

As Binnsyboy watched his new cavemen friends, Thug-Muck and Toos, excitedly play with the trombone he'd recently pulled from a nearby one-way time portal, he wondered if he'd ever find a way to get back to the present. After all, he hadn't fed his cat in weeks ... or was it technically millennia?

Heronblade had long been a man willing to put everything on the line for his ideals. Herons and blades - two ideals, that plenty had championed when seperated, but together? No one was bold enough to marry the idea of edged weaponry and avian omnivores but Heronblade... he had the power. He first saw a heron at the age of 6, and its stoic stance, the switchblade clenched in its beak, and its complete lack of fucks to give inspired him, and from that day, he campaigned endlessly to allow herons to carry whatever weaponry the want, when they want.

Edit: I took too long typing =[

Heronblade!

Hailing from a small fishing town, Heronblade decided to make a name for himself by slaying monsters. Sadly, there were none to be found. The tragedy being that he found a magical Herring which can transform into a sword. Heronblade longs for an Arch-Villain to attack his home or, world but knows the world is just too damned peaceful and mundane for such a thing to happen.

Shoggoth2588:
Heronblade!

Hailing from a small fishing town, Heronblade decided to make a name for himself by slaying monsters. Sadly, there were none to be found. The tragedy being that he found a magical Herring which can transform into a sword. Heronblade longs for an Arch-Villain to attack his home or, world but knows the world is just too damned peaceful and mundane for such a thing to happen.

The last survivor of a doomed planet, he was just a regular child until his parents where shot down in front of him one cold winters night. He then dedicated his life to protecting the city he loves and thus travel the world seeking training from the best of the best. Eventually he founded a large company known as "Stark industry" and began working on the Suit that would bring his dream of a safe world to life. While testing the suits ability in space he was hit by solar rays which warped his DNA, mutating it, turning him into a true hero.

His life continued as normal until he found a fallen asteroid containing a ring of unlimited power. Now in the darkest nights he fights, under the name Rorschach, keeping Jump city safe for all.

Also he needed something to Avenge

Maziecat has always been a favorite amongst the ice paladins and holds the title as a field commander of the 7th Lion Platoon. On the day he was born, his hometown of Kongsvinger was attacked by the mighty armies of Arendal. It was during this time, the death knight Jorad Mace from the Arendal army demanded that the warlock Minayo Beoulve would cast a soul releasing spell upon the city, causing everyone to die in the brink of an eye. When the spell was casted, Maziecatīs Krima (a cat like creature) named Asam, sacrificed his life to save the young boys life. Upon doing so, itīs own soul was placed inside Maziecat, denying itīs own existence and forcing it to stay a spirit forever.

Now, Maziecat holds a great vendetta for the warlock Minayo Beoulve and want to avenge his family and reunite Asam with his soul. As a commander of the 7th Lion Platoon, Maziecat now seeks to unite as many cities as possible before he can lead his army against the armies of Arendal.

- EDIT - Damn! I fell behind!

He woke up one day. Wanting a TV. So, Truniron bought a Trinitron from Thibodeau Thornton from Trenton.

And they lived happily ever after.

GobbieGoldchain:
YOU ARE MY SUBJECT

GobbieGoldchain was a wise man. GobbieGoldchain was a kind man. He was popular with the neighborhood kids who recognized him as the local Ice-Cream-Man, a job he deeply enjoyed even if it wasn't the most important; it brought joy to his life to see the smiles on the faces of all those little kids.

No one would have guessed that GobbieGoldchain was hiding a deep, dark secret. Every evening, he would hang up his uniform and instead assume the mantle of his secret persona: "The Iceman." Vanquishing evil in the darkest reaches of the night, a secret guardian to those who cannot defend themselves.

It would be this noble life of sacrifice that would prove his undoing.

"Help!" A shriek in the darkness, desperately yearning for the light to save her! Iceman knew that there was not a moment to waste! Bravely, Gobbie chased after the sound in his Ice-Cream Truck--which conveniently transforms into a Battle Tank. After a frantic search, he found her, along with his nemisis: Heat Wave.

"Let her go, Wave!" Said Gobbie, waving his fist furiously at the fiend.

"Ah, Iceman! How very ice of you to drop in!" Brandishing a pistol in one hand, while holding the woman captive in his vice-grip with the other. "I tire of this wench, and of you Iceman!" And he violently threw her onto the ground, preparing to finish her off.

Gobbie knew there wasn't a moment to lose. With the speed of a leaping panther, Gobbie threw himself in between Heat Wave and his victim, throwing an ice-spike--or snow cone--at the same time.

Heat Wave fell to the ground, lifeless, but so too did Gobbie. Heat Wave's bullet had found its mark in Gobbie's chest, for Heat Wave knew Iceman's one weakness: bullets.

The stars collided...and this man was born.

The End

She used to tell long, eventful stories, but then she was infected with an extremely contagious virus which drains your imagination slowly, until one day, she could no longer tell stories that took more than one sentence. The above post is proof that what I say is true.... the end <.<

The Nite Angler was once human like you and me... flyfishing, shooting the breeze, throwing back a cold one... normal stuff. then he had to put on that damnable eyepatch!!!! soon he went all crabby and started ending his sentences in "AAARRRR" and "RAAAAHH!!!"

eventually he lost all self-control , sold all his assets, and left for somalia..... eventually he would die a sad lonely undeath after being laughed to death by naughty somalia rebelrebels.

months later, a sympathetic witch would stuff his corpse wth knock-off 80% polyester shirts and reanimate him as a forum zombie/stalker. he currently resides in a north african embassy as an odd exhibit for regional dictators, and sometimes sysop and bug eater.

Paya... born from the totally heterosexual bumping and grinding of Nick Cage and Chad Kroeger. At first admired for the freak show he is, he was eventually abandoned at the steps of the Vatican. Taking pity on him, the Pope ordained him a Cardinal at the age of 10 and he was made Pope at the age of 18.

Upon his confirmation as Pope, Paya became God's blessed warrior Paya Chin!. On that day he was given his mission... to save the world from Evil... and witches.

Unfortunately, he has yet to do so since he's on the Escapist all the time!

overpuce was so over his platonic relation with a thai omnisexual humanfriend. BUT ALAS, his heart wanders in circles...

taking the train back to bangkok, he fell in love with a dashing coke-fiend-cum-whore-trafficker. their affair spanning amany drowsy sweaty nights and just as many public toilets they can find.

however as seasons change even in the tropics, the dashing coke fiend would go on to abandon poor overpuce in a random opium den. the cold-blooded cunt!!! till this day, overpuce tries to forget such exotic memories by pampering himself in upstate new york cafes; writing for trashy womens' magazines ,while posting on the escapist with his constantly lubricated fingers.

Paya Chin was a perfectly ordinary man before he decided he wanted to be a troll. He decided to start with the secondary "If you woke up in bed" thread, but his chosen method of trolling (refusal to learn from mistakes) is so incredibly obvious that nobody pays him any mind any more. Despite this, he has resolved to keep on fighting, through the thunder and the lightning...

(He is also Megadeth's number one fan.)

Leet x1337, born to normal parents, in a normal neighbourhood, always resented the tedium of his life, and so he took to the internet, where he hoped semi-palindromic name would earn him the respect and love of his peers. Alas, he was only partially successful, and now spends his days pointing out the trolls on the escapist...

This is The Night Angel. In the year 1797, he was birthed from the bowels of Mother Earth herself. Upon gaining self-awareness 2 seconds later, he punched her in the face for birthing him prior to the creation of the microprocessor.

And so he slumbered.

Until the year 20,100 AD. After waking, he found that the human race had been wiped out by a band of internet trolls 18,000 years earlier. Finding a time machine he traveled back in time to the year 2011 where he has been monitoring all communications on the internet whilst searching for a sufficient microprocessor to complete his ultimate creation: An A.I. Girlfriend.

Little Known Fact:
He sometimes refers to himself by his initials, T.n.A, because he is all about the T&A.

He has spent the last 100 years compiling a list of some of the most banal and uninteresting little-known facts in the world. However, he recently realised this was not a worthy goal, as no one would ever appreciate his work. He now just makes them up on the fly >.>

The Night Angel was vendor in manhatten who sold broiled Steaks on the street. After Saving up enough money he opened a theater in Vladivostok in which he only showed the musical "Cats" being reenacted by actual cats. The Theater caught fire one day, killing Night Angel and all the cats, who became ghosts who haunted all of the locals who never attended his shows.

sextus the crazy was born to a wealthy banker in Florence. However, he was unaware that his father was also a member of an ancient order of assassins until a supposed friend of the family betrayed him and killed his family. After this traumatic event, he woke up from the Animus and, to counter the subsequent depression of not being Ezio Auditore, took to the Internet.

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