Ask Commander Shepard!

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kman123:
This is the greatest thread ever.

I know, right?

OT: Please tell me the picture on your desk isn't actual Tali's face. I mean, come on, don't you agree she looks way too much like that internet stock photo?

On a second note, how does she look like?

Also, do you play video-games, Shepard?

If yes, what's your favorite video-game?

How do you feel about Diablo III? C:

rhizhim:
snip>

I'm going to have to go with Traynor

Kelly was nice and all..but.....I think she had a thing for Varren..or anything that was alive

Jaeke:
Hey ParaFemShep... I think I found those extranet files on RenegadeShep you were talking about

ah yes...not surprising at all

I actually enjoy "Battle Tits" now and again..call it a guilty pleasure

Ugly Shepard:
snip

Look ugg I have to-

wha?..really?

holy crap man, thats AMAZING!

TheOneBearded:
How do you feel about using money, given to you by the Alliance for the war effort, to buy fish?

they don't know..I put it down under "ship enhancements"

and it does make my quaters look rather pimp...if you'll excuse the terminology

GameMaNiAC:

OT: Please tell me the picture on your desk isn't actual Tali's face. I mean, come on, don't you agree she looks way too much like that internet stock photo?

On a second note, how does she look like?

Also, do you play video-games, Shepard?

If yes, what's your favorite video-game?

How do you feel about Diablo III? C:

1. its fake..Tali is actually less....."humanoid" (beware the fangs...)

2. I play the ocasion video game..I really like Grim Terminus Alliance....like the part where you can be a slaver

as for Diablo 3 Im giving it a miss..as I said before my extranet conection gets rather hazy out in space

Hectix777:

Shep bro, I need to ask you this bro because I think you and I are of the same bromentality. So I feel the need so ask you this brobing question, that only a true bro could answer bro. Who would you rather be your best bro, Batman or Thor. I'm counting on you to answer bro, be broficient in answering these bro. Later, bro.

god...this amount of "Element-Bro" in the body is hazardous....it'll cause serious brain damage...

I sugest you seek help

round 2: doctors

Dr. Karin Chakwas _________________________________________or__________Dr. Chloe Michel?

image
image

who
is
the
better
doctor?

vs

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Dr. Karin Chakwas is your good old loyal med bay doctor that went through thick and thin with you. she has been on ships as long as she can think

good old rusty but trusty staff member, or disused tool that needs a infinite vacation in the medical waste bin?

vs

Dr. Chloe Michel

she is young. she is fresh. she lets you steal find medical supplies to help those in need on the citadel.
she makes the recovering of your genius friend who charged a machine, Ashley/Kaidan a personal matter.
she likes walks in the park, chocolates, administering medi-gel and has always 'flexibility' and 'extra fluid med gel' for Garrus.

balm for the eyes or herpes on your ship?

Who Is The Better Doctor?

I am Harbinger:

hino77:

George Francis Gaspar:

Oh god...Harbinger be trolling the thread! Quickly Shepard(s)!!! Save us!

Harbinger is my long lost twin brother digitalized in to cyberspace with space waffle thechnology,and inserted in to a Reaper body.He was going through his goth faze, hence the whole "Salvation through destruction" thing. I just told him to kill stuff every once in a while.But he really had retched aim, i mean , not killing shepard with a direct reaper beam to the chest? Thats just sad.

It's not my fault you gave me a lousy targeting system.

If you had a good targeting system , no one would make it to the crucible and the joke would never pay off,not to mention i would be bored out of my huge omnimegaawesometelect.

Shepard! did Cerberus put your butt on wrong? Do you have a frontbutt?

Shepard! There is a young man claiming that he is your son and he wishes to join the Normandy.

image

Is he yours, by any chance?

Paragon Shepard:

Hectix777:

Shep bro, I need to ask you this bro because I think you and I are of the same bromentality. So I feel the need so ask you this brobing question, that only a true bro could answer bro. Who would you rather be your best bro, Batman or Thor. I'm counting on you to answer bro, be broficient in answering these bro. Later, bro.

god...this amount of "Element-Bro" in the body is hazardous....it'll cause serious brain damage...

I sugest you seek help

Bro the Bro-zo in my body has not affected my broductivity or my broformance. In fact, I'm more brofficient and broactive in about everything I do! Even brototype game is doing better.

*10 points to the person who tells me where I got this from.

Hectix777:

Paragon Shepard:

Hectix777:

Shep bro, I need to ask you this bro because I think you and I are of the same bromentality. So I feel the need so ask you this brobing question, that only a true bro could answer bro. Who would you rather be your best bro, Batman or Thor. I'm counting on you to answer bro, be broficient in answering these bro. Later, bro.

god...this amount of "Element-Bro" in the body is hazardous....it'll cause serious brain damage...

I sugest you seek help

Bro the Bro-zo in my body has not affected my broductivity or my broformance. In fact, I'm more brofficient and broactive in about everything I do! Even brototype game is doing better.

*10 points to the person who tells me where I got this from.

I searhed part of that quote on google and one of the results was a twilight fanfic. I hope that wasnt where you got it from :P

How goes the Revolt of the Bottle Caps? Is Garrus still doing some "Talibrations"?

Do you like the nose I gave you? I'm starting to think I made it a little too big.

Muspelheim:
Shepard! There is a young man claiming that he is your son and he wishes to join the Normandy.

image

Is he yours, by any chance?

This is frakking hysterical.

TheOneBearded:
How do you feel about using money, given to you by the Alliance for the war effort, to buy fish?

Worth every credit. Hell, if they made me, I would have paid more.

I am Harbinger:

Renegade Shepard:
Harbinger can't hurt a fly.

Really Shepard? Does this seem familiar to you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OygPZDVTxuc (2:18)

You're pansy beam can't even kill me, Harby. I thought I was just a rudimentary creature of flesh and bone? If so, why is it so hard for you to kill me?

GameMaNiAC:

kman123:
This is the greatest thread ever.

I know, right?

OT: Please tell me the picture on your desk isn't actual Tali's face. I mean, come on, don't you agree she looks way too much like that internet stock photo?

On a second note, how does she look like?

Also, do you play video-games, Shepard?

If yes, what's your favorite video-game?

How do you feel about Diablo III? C:

She looks way more freaky alien then that, don't worry, but the picture does give a basic idea of what she looks like.

And yes, everyone does, it's the future for Amonkira's sake.

And I'd have to say I really enjoyed the games I was in. Author Avatar Appeal.

And Diablo III isn't too bad. It's a bitch trying to get a connection in space though, and nearly impossible in the Traverse.

Eh, I have better things to do with my time anyway.

Like dying, I guess.

him over there:
Shepard! did Cerberus put your butt on wrong? Do you have a frontbutt?

>Refer to ParaShep

She's/he's/she's the one with the frontbutt.

rhizhim:
Snipping this unnecessarily huge thing.

Me and Chakwas have been through a lot and is a good drinking buddy, I'll go with her. I liked Garrus being oblivious to Chloe's constant flirtations at him, though. She's not bad, but come on, she's going up against Chakwas.

Muspelheim:
Shepard! There is a young man claiming that he is your son and he wishes to join the Normandy.

image

Is he yours, by any chance?

image

Simeon Ivanov:
How goes the Revolt of the Bottle Caps? Is Garrus still doing some "Talibrations"?

Bottlecaps had me pinned down for days.

Don't think I'm going to make it.

Tell Tali I love her.

Legs.

Oh, and tell Miranda she left her space pants in my bed.

And that she's not getting them back.

I am Harbinger:

TheOneBearded:

I am Harbinger:

Did you see all those starships getting blown up and worlds being conquered? We were busy doing that Across an Entire Galaxy.

Ah yes, "busy doing that across the Entire Galaxy." More like, "busy doing that across the Entire Galaxy on planets Shepard just happens to not be on.

See: Earth and Thessia.

Wow, only a few dreadnoughts out of the hundreds your fleet is made of. Great job. You hear that - that's the sound of one hand clapping. My other hand is busy pimp slapping your creator for ruining the game for me.

TheOneBearded:

I am Harbinger:

TheOneBearded:

Ah yes, "busy doing that across the Entire Galaxy." More like, "busy doing that across the Entire Galaxy on planets Shepard just happens to not be on.

See: Earth and Thessia.

Wow, only a few dreadnoughts out of the hundreds your fleet is made of. Great job. You hear that - that's the sound of one hand clapping. My other hand is busy pimp slapping your creator for ruining the game for me.

I like you, Bearded Man.

To all the Shepards: Who is your least favorite person on the ship and why?

Fijiman:
To all the Shepards: Who is your least favorite person on the ship and why?

That IGN bitch.

Because she looks funny.

TheOneBearded:

I am Harbinger:

TheOneBearded:

Ah yes, "busy doing that across the Entire Galaxy." More like, "busy doing that across the Entire Galaxy on planets Shepard just happens to not be on.

See: Earth and Thessia.

Wow, only a few dreadnoughts out of the hundreds your fleet is made of. Great job. You hear that - that's the sound of one hand clapping. My other hand is busy pimp slapping your creator for ruining the game for me.

If you could strangle that little prick for us, we'd be most obliged.

Renegade Shepard:

You're pansy beam can't even kill me, Harby. I thought I was just a rudimentary creature of flesh and bone? If so, why is it so hard for you to kill me?

If I'd know which of those tiny specks was you, I'd have shot it twice. Maybe three times. And stepped on it a few times to be sure. It's not my fault all you humans look alike.

A question for either Shepard;

You and your crew are suddenly turned into....

What do you do?

I am Harbinger:

Renegade Shepard:

You're pansy beam can't even kill me, Harby. I thought I was just a rudimentary creature of flesh and bone? If so, why is it so hard for you to kill me?

If I'd know which of those tiny specks was you, I'd have shot it twice. Maybe three times. And stepped on it a few times to be sure. It's not my fault all you humans look alike.

Excuses.

Knife-28:
A question for either Shepard;

You and your crew are suddenly turned into....

What do you do?

Goddamn, Ponies are popular, aren't they?

Anyway, I suppose we'd just do what we normally do.

Except as Ponies.

Yeah.

Renegade Shepard:

Goddamn, Ponies are popular, aren't they?

Anyway, I suppose we'd just do what we normally do.

Except as Ponies.

Yeah.

Good, good...
*Continues to tinker with ponyfication ray*

So, any interesting story's you'ld like to share?

Knife-28:

Renegade Shepard:

Goddamn, Ponies are popular, aren't they?

Anyway, I suppose we'd just do what we normally do.

Except as Ponies.

Yeah.

Good, good...
*Continues to tinker with ponyfication ray*

So, any interesting story's you'ld like to share?

Um, yeah, shepard? Have a spare EMP device I can trash this guy's place with? A spare omnitool with the overload program would be even better.

Evil such as this makes the reapers seem tame.

*Finished installing an EM blocker into the P-Ray*
Huh, did you guys say something?

Can I have some of your hair Shepard?

Heronblade:

Knife-28:

Renegade Shepard:

Goddamn, Ponies are popular, aren't they?

Anyway, I suppose we'd just do what we normally do.

Except as Ponies.

Yeah.

Good, good...
*Continues to tinker with ponyfication ray*

So, any interesting story's you'ld like to share?

Um, yeah, shepard? Have a spare EMP device I can trash this guy's place with? A spare omnitool with the overload program would be even better.

Evil such as this makes the reapers seem tame.

I see...so the ultimate weakness of humanity is...ponies...we must use this. *transmits orders to Reaper fleet to begin reaperizeing ponies*

I am Harbinger:

Heronblade:

Knife-28:

Good, good...
*Continues to tinker with ponyfication ray*

So, any interesting story's you'ld like to share?

Um, yeah, shepard? Have a spare EMP device I can trash this guy's place with? A spare omnitool with the overload program would be even better.

Evil such as this makes the reapers seem tame.

I see...so the ultimate weakness of humanity is...ponies...we must use this. *transmits orders to Reaper fleet to begin reaperizeing ponies*

I'm sorry but your extranet bill is 50,002 years 6 months overdue. According to previous transmissions a Reaper known as *checks notes* "Nazara" was supposed to deliver the payment, but has failed to make any payment. Therefore in accordance with company policy we are discontinuing your extranet services.

With Regards
Manager of Customer Relation of Verizion Telecast Inc.
Al Bundy

Heronblade:

Knife-28:

Renegade Shepard:

Goddamn, Ponies are popular, aren't they?

Anyway, I suppose we'd just do what we normally do.

Except as Ponies.

Yeah.

Good, good...
*Continues to tinker with ponyfication ray*

So, any interesting story's you'ld like to share?

Um, yeah, shepard? Have a spare EMP device I can trash this guy's place with? A spare omnitool with the overload program would be even better.

Evil such as this makes the reapers seem tame.

They're just Ponies, man. If Joker likes them, they can't all be bad.

Knife-28:

Renegade Shepard:

Goddamn, Ponies are popular, aren't they?

Anyway, I suppose we'd just do what we normally do.

Except as Ponies.

Yeah.

Good, good...
*Continues to tinker with ponyfication ray*

So, any interesting story's you'ld like to share?

Not right now, I'm tired.

EDI keeps telling me I'm drunk and need to go to bed.

I missed it when she had a mute button.

Fieldy409:
Can I have some of your hair Shepard?

I don't think my buzz cut can spare much.

So no.

Seriously, I'll punch you so hard if you try stealing some of this stuff.

him over there:
Shepard! did Cerberus put your butt on wrong? Do you have a frontbutt?

Yeah... Frontbutt. Something like that. _

Fijiman:
To all the Shepards: Who is your least favorite person on the ship and why?

Those two soldiers attending the scanner that leads into the war room. I swear they make me wait in that thing for a few seconds more so that they can stare at me in terror and awe... And not for the right reasons, either.

Fieldy409:
Can I have some of your hair Shepard?

Sure you can have some of my hair! I don't have any on my head, but... I'll find a solution for a fan such as yourself. =)

Hey RenShep, what do you think of the recent rise of the "Dolan" meme?

Also, there is a man here named "Vonrad Cerner" claiming that you owe him money. He wants me to ask you about it, but that would be rude, so I'm trying to get him to go away. He's being quite annoying, and I know you have excellent experience dealing with annoying people, so I was wondering what I should do?

Ugly Shepard:

him over there:
Shepard! did Cerberus put your butt on wrong? Do you have a frontbutt?

Yeah... Frontbutt. Something like that. _

Fijiman:
To all the Shepards: Who is your least favorite person on the ship and why?

Those two soldiers attending the scanner that leads into the war room. I swear they make me wait in that thing for a few seconds more so that they can stare at me in terror and awe... And not for the right reasons, either.

Fieldy409:
Can I have some of your hair Shepard?

Sure you can have some of my hair! I don't have any on my head, but... I'll find a solution for a fan such as yourself. =)

Don't worry as long as I get your DNA... I mean one universes Shepard should have the same as the others right?

What is the state of Earth (before being attacked by the Reapers) during your time? Do jet packs exist yet? What is your favorite candy?

ZodiacMaster101:
What is the state of Earth (before being attacked by the Reapers) during your time? Do jet packs exist yet? What is your favorite candy?

A glaring neon glow illuminates the streets
Breathe in the human vapors, sweat and heavy heat
Hi-tech cathedrals rise and fall in great ravines
Colossal steeples to the gods in the machines

Yes, but they're expensive and impractical.

Sblounskched!.

Wrath 228:
Hey RenShep, what do you think of the recent rise of the "Dolan" meme?

Also, there is a man here named "Vonrad Cerner" claiming that you owe him money. He wants me to ask you about it, but that would be rude, so I'm trying to get him to go away. He's being quite annoying, and I know you have excellent experience dealing with annoying people, so I was wondering what I should do?

It's so dumb it makes me want to punch a pyjak.

And in this case, punch him. If he mouths off, punch him again.

Maybe shoot him in the foot a couple of times.

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