Ask Commander Shepard!

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Phenomenis:

Paragon Shepard:

Phenomenis:
To Parashep and Garrus:

How did the two of you avoid chafing? Did you remember to use Mordin's ointment? And, most importantly, did you Shepard, remember not to ingest?

that's private...I will however confirm that yes...the Rumours of Garuss's reach are in fact true

So, with Garrus and his reach certainly up to standard, do you think you were able to rise to the occasion with your flexibility?

And Garrus, did you remember to savour the last shot before you popped the heat sink? Or did it all go somewhere horrible?

You don't have to answer that one commander.

If you don't mind, I'm going to go track down whoever passed on our private conversations and make them wish they'd only been caught by the Reapers.

Quick, this thread must never die!

Shepard, Garrus, Zaeed or whoever, what is your proudest career moment?

SecretNegative:
Shepard, Garrus, Zaeed or whoever, what is your proudest career moment?

That has got to be holding off the combined efforts of those gangs on Omega for several days. I achieved a kill count via that single event that most professional soldiers couldn't touch throughout a lifelong career.

I challenge you all to write a fanfiction!
...Are you all busy writing the fanfiction? Okay.

Jailbird408:
I challenge you all to write a fanfiction!
...Are you all busy writing the fanfiction? Okay.

fanfiction? You mean like that nasty thing some poster sent me about myself, Wrex, and Jacob in bed together? I was less horrified by the marauders.

Just in case it passed you by, the answer is no.

G Vakarian:

Phenomenis:

Paragon Shepard:

that's private...I will however confirm that yes...the Rumours of Garuss's reach are in fact true

So, with Garrus and his reach certainly up to standard, do you think you were able to rise to the occasion with your flexibility?

And Garrus, did you remember to savour the last shot before you popped the heat sink? Or did it all go somewhere horrible?

You don't have to answer that one commander.

If you don't mind, I'm going to go track down whoever passed on our private conversations and make them wish they'd only been caught by the Reapers.

It was probably Yeoman Chambers.

Oh, come on, it's goddamn obvious!

SecretNegative:
Quick, this thread must never die!

Shepard, Garrus, Zaeed or whoever, what is your proudest career moment?

Ah, that takes me back...

I got hired to recover a black box from a downed recon craft that crashed almost next door to a goddamn Batarian military base. Alliance couldn't send its' own men in, as they had to maintain deniability or else they'd probably end up at war. They were paying more than I'd ever gotten on a job before at that point, so I rounded up all of my Blue Suns and took the offer. This wasn't long after I'd started the group, though and I didn't have many takers yet, so I hired a little outside help from the goddamn Blood Pack as well.

My plan was to hijack some Batarian shuttles from a space station orbiting the planet and fly them into the base... literally. We set four of them on course to crash them into their comm tower and the three AA guns protecting the place, and then land our own shuttles with much less resistance. There was no way I was going to use my own men as goddamn kamakazies, so I gave that job to the blood pack. The warlord I hired similarly passed the buck onto the four unlucky Vorcha who happened to be closest at the time; he left with the after picking them, but I did hear him assuring one of the that shuttles had airbags.

Anyway, that particular part of the plan went even better than expected, as one of the AA guns was positioned over their goddamn armoury, which was also destroyed. The Batarians had their rifles, but their heavy weapons were gone, so there was nothing they could do as we landed. Where the plan started falling apart was when the goddamn Blood Pack Warlord and his men broke ranks and charged straight for the command center. Our right flank was effectively gone, and we were about to be flanked in a direction that was completely open (that is to say, against which we had no cover). Without really thinking, I charged the right myself, took up position against a door, started shooting, and for what seemed like an hour, never stopped. (This was awhile ago, before the invention of the goddamn Thermal Clip. I'd modded my rifle to absorb heat so well that it could fire for up to 45 seconds at a time (Yes, I timed it)).

I must've killed about 35 Batarians in the space of about 5 minutes. These weren't goddamn thugs, either; actual soldiers. I was running and gunning so fast that when the last four of the surrendered, I accidentally killed two more before I realized what was happening. With their flank secure, my Suns had outfought the rest of the garrison, and we were just securing the last of the smaller buildings when that goddamn warlord kicked the door down from inside. He told me that he was taking the black box and selling it to the Alliance himself, and that we should turn around and leave unless we "want[ed] to see krogan blood rage fro the receiving end".

After achieving personally what I had specifically brought the goddamn Blood Pack to do in the first place, I'd had enough of their shit, so I started shooting. Ten Krogan and about forty Vorcha had survived against the Batarians, and by now (breaking ranks had cost them rather dearly), had regenerated enough so as to be considered fresh. My men had sustained heavy casualties as well, and they were spread out, having just secured the base. In range of the Blood Pack was me and 8 of my mates. I was so angry at that smug Krogan warlord that I almost felt like I was in a little blood rage of my own, though I do remember dodging out of the way when he charged me, and when he stopped and turned around, I lunged forward and knifed him in the throat. One of the most satisfying moments of my career, that. Anyway, at that point, all but two of the krogan were dead (or bleeding out) and the Vorcha seemed content to sit in the command center and shoot out the windows, so I grabbed the black box off of the warlord and put a bullet in his eye for good measure before calling the shuttle pilots for an evac. On our way out, we stopped for a minutes in orbit while I detonated the explosives we had set in preparation to 'clean up' and avoid leaving evidence. That base burned like it was made of paper.

I made it out with about a third of my men still alive, but against all odds, we successfully took on the Batarian military and outfought the Blood Pack on the same day. My men got payed more than four times what I had originally promised seeing as how there were fewer left to pay and I no longer had to pay the Blood Pack.

As for the single proudest moment, though? That'd be when I went back to Earth to get some new recruits and I saw the line outside the office. The Blue Suns became one of the most respected mercenary forces in Alliance space in about a week. It wasn't long before that spread to Turian space as well.

Ah... Well, that was quite a lot to say, wasn't it? Probably talked your ear off by now. Ah, well. I'm old now, I can get away with it.

Jailbird408:
I challenge you all to write a fanfiction!
...Are you all busy writing the fanfiction? Okay.

Sorry, only one story per post I'm afraid.

If you were to form a mercenary group, what would you call it?

Should we rename this thread "Ask Garrus and Zaeed?"

Ahem, In light of recently released new data (The Extended Cut), We would like to invite Both Shepard Variants, and the crew, to discuss it
here.

Hmm, I guess I shouldn't have asked Zaeed...

Hey, Zaeed, what's your second proudest... OW! Sorry Shepard, I'll stop.

Fieldy409:
If you were to form a mercenary group, what would you call it?

...
...
..............

SecretNegative:
Hmm, I guess I shouldn't have asked Zaeed...

Hey, Zaeed, what's your second proudest... OW! Sorry Shepard, I'll stop.

Ah, that's a good one...

See, I was hired by an Asari government to take down a smuggling ring that was shipping ungodly amounts of red sand into their space. They didn't have enough evidence to move forward legally, so instead they had me and as many dumb meatshields as I could round up go in and enact world war 3 in... Hey! Where are you going!?

Zaeed Massani:

Although, the other day, I did see an Elcor trip. That was... interesting.

Oh ho! Did you see him try to get back up? Was it like a turtle that you flip over for the hell of it? Did you trip the elcor? I bet you did.

Shepard, did you do the new fourth ending to ME3?
Also, if you took control of the Reapers, what would be the first thing you would use them for?

Zaeed Massani:

See, I was hired by an Asari government to take down a smuggling ring that was shipping ungodly amounts of red sand into their space. They didn't have enough evidence to move forward legally, so instead they had me and as many dumb meatshields as I could round up go in and enact world war 3 in... Hey! Where are you going!?

Hey, here's a real question (that hopefully won't be as longwinded, and I've hid so Shep can't stop me), what's your favorite guntype? (Yes, guntybe, not gun. I know Jessie takes that spot)

I mean, the Mattock has a pretty nice feeling, but the Revenant is powerful as all hell. Or mayb it's the standard avenger?

Same to Garrus, what's your favorite Rifle?

Knife-28:
Renegade Shep, how do you feel about your portrayal in the following video?

The back of my face can usually take a handful of bullets before I die horribly and painfully actually. Learned from experience.

Zaeed Massani:

Renegade Shepard:

Oh, hey Zaeed.

I was always wondering, do you get as many girls as Garrus, with how many scars you have?

Yeah, but they tend not to be what you'd call desirable. I'm pretty sure Jack was hitting on me once, but I get a little skeeved out at the thought of somebody who could crush my goddamn bones with a thought.

Come on, you and Jack would make a good couple. Hey, raise your hand if you think Jack and Zaeed would make a good demented couple!

Fijiman:
What is the coolest thing you have seen in the last week or so?

Watching a Reaper rebuild a Mass Relay has a kind of beautiful irony to it.

Knife-28:

Paragon Shepard:

Knife-28:
Self Snip

that music...there's.. something really odd about it...like...it makes me want to cry...I..I....*sob*

I have to go

...

What?

She's bad at using her brain. Don't hold it against her, just ignore her and she'll get bored and wander off.

SecretNegative:
Quick, this thread must never die!

Shepard, Garrus, Zaeed or whoever, what is your proudest career moment?

I brought together the galaxy and saved it from certain destruction this one time, but I just like to call it my average Saturday.

Jailbird408:
I challenge you all to write a fanfiction!
...Are you all busy writing the fanfiction? Okay.

What? No.

That's the female ones job.

image

Don't trace where I got that image from by the way.

Fieldy409:
If you were to form a mercenary group, what would you call it?

"Commander Shepard and Pussycats"

Jailbird408:
Should we rename this thread "Ask Garrus and Zaeed?"

I'll punch you.

TheOneBearded:
Shepard, did you do the new fourth ending to ME3?
Also, if you took control of the Reapers, what would be the first thing you would use them for?

It made me physically sick to my stomach moments before I died.

Yeah, that was awful. I never knew you could get punched in the gut by any other means until getting punched in the gut, then I saw that, then I felt like I needed to vomit out all my internal organs.

So yeah, it was pretty bad.

And rebuild the Mass Relay's of course.

And maybe to take pictures of people. Like Hitomi Tanaka.

She's like that hentai stuff the kids are into, except in real life.

Zaeed Massani:
-Snip-

I'm buying you a beer. That's a story worth a beer in my opinion.

SecretNegative:

Hey, here's a real question (that hopefully won't be as longwinded, and I've hid so Shep can't stop me), what's your favorite guntype? (Yes, guntybe, not gun. I know Jessie takes that spot)

I mean, the Mattock has a pretty nice feeling, but the Revenant is powerful as all hell. Or mayb it's the standard avenger?

Same to Garrus, what's your favorite Rifle?

For every combat situation, there is a weapon uniquely suited for it. That is one of the first things I learned from training with the Turian military, and working with Shepard certainly reinforced that concept. Getting too attached to any particular kind of weapon hurts your flexibility and overall effectiveness.

With that stated, among the rifles currently at hand, the power, speed, and accuracy of the Black Widow is very tough to beat. I must also say that I miss the old HMWSR line, that shift to the thermal clip system left behind a lot of excellent weapons.

Renegade Shepard:

Zaeed Massani:

Renegade Shepard:

Oh, hey Zaeed.

I was always wondering, do you get as many girls as Garrus, with how many scars you have?

Yeah, but they tend not to be what you'd call desirable. I'm pretty sure Jack was hitting on me once, but I get a little skeeved out at the thought of somebody who could crush my goddamn bones with a thought.

Come on, you and Jack would make a good couple. Hey, raise your hand if you think Jack and Zaeed would make a good demented couple!

I don't know if that would be more amusing or terrifying, particularly if they ever concieve...

Renegade Shepard:

Jailbird408:
Should we rename this thread "Ask Garrus and Zaeed?"

I'll punch you.

He's got a point, stop disappearing for weeks at a time and maybe I won't take over.

TheOneBearded:

Oh ho! Did you see him try to get back up? Was it like a turtle that you flip over for the hell of it? Did you trip the elcor? I bet you did.

No, it wasn't me. I doubt I'd be able to get the goddamn leverage. He(she? difficult to tell with them) was walking out of a bar. It reached an elevated spot in the floor and hit it with its' front leg. That leg stayed completely still, but the front end came crashing down as the back end came up. It ended up on its' face and front legs with it's back legs waving around in the air.

SecretNegative:

Hey, here's a real question (that hopefully won't be as longwinded, and I've hid so Shep can't stop me), what's your favorite guntype? (Yes, guntybe, not gun. I know Jessie takes that spot)

I mean, the Mattock has a pretty nice feeling, but the Revenant is powerful as all hell. Or mayb it's the standard avenger?

Same to Garrus, what's your favorite Rifle?

Well, I'll go down a list of the ones I've tried lately.

Avenger: I like the accuracy but it doesn't pack much of a punch. Okay for the odd gangwar, but if I'm going up against goddamn banshees or something, I'll need something heavier.

Phaeston: As with the avenger, it just doesn't hit hard enough. I might as well be throwing rocks.

Mattlock: Ah, now here's a good gun. I'm not usually all that concerned with rate of fire unless I have to take down shields or barriers, but even then, the mattlock does an adequate job with that. High powered for an assault rifle, I'd take this thing into pretty much any situation.

Revenant: This is the one I've been using lately. It's fast enough to take down shields with no sweat and it's powerful enough to do the same to armour. Only downside is its' accuracy, but I typically carry a longer range rifle as well anyway, so I can afford to keep it close-range.

Cerberus Harrier: Great gun. I'd rate it really damn close to the revenant.

Raptor: Kind of a sniper/assault rifle hybrid. I like it a lot (better than the Viper, certainly) but since I usually carry automatics for short range I'll typically pick a more high-powered weapon for long range.

Javelin: Now THIS is a rifle. I favour this over the widow for a couple reasons. One, it comes with targeting assistance built-in, which is immensely helpful when fighting in the dark or in smokey environments. Two, its' piercing ability is helpful both against cover and armour.

Krysae: Recently got my hand on one of these, and while I still prefer the Javelin, I must say that it's immensely satisfying to continuously blow apart reapers.

Also,

Talon: I usually carry a sidearm even if I don't actually use it often because, hey, you never know, right? In fact, most of those situations which I'd never now take place at very close quarters, so the Talon is perfect for carrying around in case of emergency. Also, I like revolvers.

Renegade Shepard:

Come on, you and Jack would make a good couple. Hey, raise your hand if you think Jack and Zaeed would make a good demented couple!

No.

G Vakarian:

I don't know if that would be more amusing or terrifying, particularly if they ever concieve...

I think we're done talking about that.

(Jack, if you're reading this, kill Shepard, not me. Actually, hold that, I guess we need him. Kill Garrus instead.)

I can't read Massani's post without reading it in his damn voice!

Speaking of Zaeed, got any more good war stories?

G Vakarian:
-Snip-

Everyone on this thread is too damn clingy, that's why I take regular breaks.

Also I was only gone for a week one time.

Also, also, I'm a little busy saving the galaxy one fist at a time, thank you very much.

TheOneBearded:
I can't read Shepard's post without reading it in his damn voice!

Speaking of Shepard, got any more good war stories?

Well since you asked nicely.

I was assigned a small squad of my own to aid in the taking of Torfan, good soldiers, all of them were damn good at their jobs and should've been proud of their position.

We were taken by shuttle to that small moon, and were dropped right in the middle of a live fire zone. We all jumped on that shuttle just in tome before it was pelted with rockets. Thing never even got off the ground. I told my squad to get back to a safe position, and while I was helping one of them up, I saw the pilot of that shuttle. He was missing half his body, bits and pieces of him were scattered across the rubble, and I imagine the only good thing about his gory death was that he wasn't alive long enough to feel what was it like to have your insides exposed to the outside world.

After seeing that pilots body, I knew that if we wanted to win, we'd have to stoop to the level of those damn Batarians.

When I got back to my men, I told them my plan. Hit them from the side and force them back into their base, and to never stop moving. I knew a lot of them would die, but the look on their faces didn't know that. They were scared, so I made sure that they knew that if we wanted to win this fight, they had to do this, because they were better then any damn soldier on that moon. I thought I was ling at the time, but I think I accidentally told the truth.

So we hit them, we hit them hard, and with all we had. Lost half my squad in under 5 minutes, but for every one of my mine, 3 of theirs had to go down. We pushed them back into their base, and none of us came out of it looking pretty, especially the dead ones. Especially the dead shotgunners, damn, they looked like red swiss cheese. The air (or lack thereof, since it's a Moon.) was stained red after that. Probably still is.

Usually the loss we had would drag morale into the dirt, but all the men and women I had left knew that we only advanced because of our bravery and badassery. We slapped some medigel on and followed the rest of the alliance soldiers into the base. Could only get easier from there.

We were wrong. The graveyard outside was nothing compared to how many people were mowed down inside that base. .50 caliber Gatling turrets. Ripped right through our numbers, had to have killed one third of all the Alliance Soldiers that went inside that base. And it even somehow got worse when we punched through the entrance.

I've never seen so many goddamn Batarians in my life.

But we persevered. My squad did, at least, because eventually, a retreat was called by Major Kyle. I told my squad not to even look back or I'd kill them myself. And with only a few other people, we took on what was rest of that Batarian Legion.

And we won.

Only me and about four other Alliance Soldiers were standing.

None of them were part of my squad.

And we stood over seventeen surrendering Batarians and other criminals.

I put a bullet in each one of their heads myself.

After that, people started calling me the Butcher of Torfan.

Pretty appropriate title if you ask me.

I did what I had to do though. I don't regret my choice.

Loneliest day of my life, after that fight.

Quietest too.

Almost like the Galaxy itself was in mourning.

Renegade Shepard:
-epic story-

Shepard, ever think of writing your own tell-all book? One that, hopefully, goes into great detail of Miranda's ass?

TheOneBearded:

Renegade Shepard:
-epic story-

Shepard, ever think of writing your own tell-all book? One that, hopefully, goes into great detail of Miranda's ass?

But the book will never end, I do to many things in my life that involve bullets or explosions or something.

Played any good video games lately?

Fijiman:
Played any good video games lately?

Jessica Negri.

I mean Lollipop Chainsaw.

But goddamn, Jessica Negri.

Goddam damn goddamn damn damn damn

damn.

Edit: Goddamn.

Zaeed Massani:

Fieldy409:
If you were to form a mercenary group, what would you call it?

...
...
..............

SecretNegative:
Hmm, I guess I shouldn't have asked Zaeed...

Hey, Zaeed, what's your second proudest... OW! Sorry Shepard, I'll stop.

Ah, that's a good one...

See, I was hired by an Asari government to take down a smuggling ring that was shipping ungodly amounts of red sand into their space. They didn't have enough evidence to move forward legally, so instead they had me and as many dumb meatshields as I could round up go in and enact world war 3 in... Hey! Where are you going!?

Sorry Zaeed I forgot about you and the Blue Suns. I'm not very familiar with your backstory since I never downloaded you.

Renegade Shepard:

TheOneBearded:

Renegade Shepard:
-epic story-

Shepard, ever think of writing your own tell-all book? One that, hopefully, goes into great detail of Miranda's ass?

But the book will never end, I do to many things in my life that involve bullets or explosions or something.

Oh, yeah, about that... I meant to tell you earlier, but I got kinda hammered out of my mind a few weeks ago, and I... might have sold the rights to your biography to Khalisah bint-Sinan al Jilani for 20 credits.

Sorry bout that.

Fieldy409:

Sorry Zaeed I forgot about you and the Blue Suns. I'm not very familiar with your backstory since I never downloaded you.

But... if I don't exist in your game, then... how are we having this conversation?

Zaeed Massani:

But... if I don't exist in your game, then... how are we having this conversation?

The stories of the great Zaeed Massani, whose loins did sprout the Blue Suns and the destruction of the Reaper menace, transcend through time and dimensions.

Zaeed Massani:

Renegade Shepard:

TheOneBearded:

Shepard, ever think of writing your own tell-all book? One that, hopefully, goes into great detail of Miranda's ass?

But the book will never end, I do to many things in my life that involve bullets or explosions or something.

Oh, yeah, about that... I meant to tell you earlier, but I got kinda hammered out of my mind a few weeks ago, and I... might have sold the rights to your biography to Khalisah bint-Sinan al Jilani for 20 credits.

Sorry bout that.

Fieldy409:

Sorry Zaeed I forgot about you and the Blue Suns. I'm not very familiar with your backstory since I never downloaded you.

But... if I don't exist in your game, then... how are we having this conversation?

The Crucible had some odd space magic side effects I think...

Jesus christ, it's been a week since somebody asked a question!
Well, I guess this thread is dead. I suppose this is where I write a eulogy.
Farewell, Ask Commander Shepard. Though you were only with us for two months, many of us will remember them as the best two months of our lives. Your epic tales, your humorous lines and your take-no-shit attitude earned you a place in all of our hearts.
It has been a long and vibrant road, full of ups and downs, joys and horrors, smiles and frowns. But through it all, we have had one constant: Laughter. This was the funniest thread in the Escapist, and it might just retain that title for a long time yet.
Thank you, Commander Shepard. Good luck with the Reaper threat... wherever you're fighting it.

Jailbird408:
Jesus christ, it's been a week since somebody asked a question!
Well, I guess this thread is dead. I suppose this is where I write a eulogy.
Farewell, Ask Commander Shepard. Though you were only with us for two months, many of us will remember them as the best two months of our lives. Your epic tales, your humorous lines and your take-no-shit attitude earned you a place in all of our hearts.
It has been a long and vibrant road, full of ups and downs, joys and horrors, smiles and frowns. But through it all, we have had one constant: Laughter. This was the funniest thread in the Escapist, and it might just retain that title for a long time yet.
Thank you, Commander Shepard. Good luck with the Reaper threat... wherever you're fighting it.

Too long, didn't read.

Zaeed Massani:
That

When the hell did you get the rights to my name?

Renegade Shepard:

Zaeed Massani:
That

When the hell did you get the rights to my name?

Well, remember that time when you challenged Samara to a drinking contest, and she accused you of cheating with you cybernetics, so you asked Grunt to share his 'private reserves'...

Hmm. Actually, I guess you probably wouldn't remember that. Anyway, you should count yourself lucky that your name is all I made off with. I seem to recall you traded a goddamn house you had on Earth to Kasumi for one of her paintings, which you then rolled up and smoked.

Renegade Shepard:

Jailbird408:
Jesus christ, it's been a week since somebody asked a question!
Well, I guess this thread is dead. I suppose this is where I write a eulogy.
Farewell, Ask Commander Shepard. Though you were only with us for two months, many of us will remember them as the best two months of our lives. Your epic tales, your humorous lines and your take-no-shit attitude earned you a place in all of our hearts.
It has been a long and vibrant road, full of ups and downs, joys and horrors, smiles and frowns. But through it all, we have had one constant: Laughter. This was the funniest thread in the Escapist, and it might just retain that title for a long time yet.
Thank you, Commander Shepard. Good luck with the Reaper threat... wherever you're fighting it.

Too long, didn't read.

Aww, Shepard. I missed you too. Hey, have you tried Omegle?

S'up.
So, Mister I'm A Fucking Space Captain So I Can Do Everything, how does it feel having a sister/alter-ego whatever who is better than you in almost every way?

Anything interesting happening in space these days?

Fijiman:
Anything interesting happening in space these days?

Not really. Things have gotten really silent after the war.

It's kind of disappointing really, after uniting the galaxy they apparently all decided to hold hands and sing kubaya.

So I decided to become an undercover cop that plays by his own rules to pass the time.

D-Class 198482:
S'up.
So, Mister I'm A Fucking Space Captain So I Can Do Everything, how does it feel having a sister/alter-ego whatever who is better than you in almost every way?

image

Jailbird408:

Renegade Shepard:

Jailbird408:
Jesus christ, it's been a week since somebody asked a question!
Well, I guess this thread is dead. I suppose this is where I write a eulogy.
Farewell, Ask Commander Shepard. Though you were only with us for two months, many of us will remember them as the best two months of our lives. Your epic tales, your humorous lines and your take-no-shit attitude earned you a place in all of our hearts.
It has been a long and vibrant road, full of ups and downs, joys and horrors, smiles and frowns. But through it all, we have had one constant: Laughter. This was the funniest thread in the Escapist, and it might just retain that title for a long time yet.
Thank you, Commander Shepard. Good luck with the Reaper threat... wherever you're fighting it.

Too long, didn't read.

Aww, Shepard. I missed you too. Hey, have you tried Omegle?

No. Shut up.

Zaeed Massani:

Renegade Shepard:

Zaeed Massani:
That

When the hell did you get the rights to my name?

Well, remember that time when you challenged Samara to a drinking contest, and she accused you of cheating with you cybernetics, so you asked Grunt to share his 'private reserves'...

Hmm. Actually, I guess you probably wouldn't remember that. Anyway, you should count yourself lucky that your name is all I made off with. I seem to recall you traded a goddamn house you had on Earth to Kasumi for one of her paintings, which you then rolled up and smoked.

I don't have a house on Earth.

I was a colony kid.

And then my whole family was murdered by Batarians.

That was also the day I killed my first Batarian.

Ah....the memories.

Jailbird408:

Renegade Shepard:

Jailbird408:
Jesus christ, it's been a week since somebody asked a question!
Well, I guess this thread is dead. I suppose this is where I write a eulogy.
Farewell, Ask Commander Shepard. Though you were only with us for two months, many of us will remember them as the best two months of our lives. Your epic tales, your humorous lines and your take-no-shit attitude earned you a place in all of our hearts.
It has been a long and vibrant road, full of ups and downs, joys and horrors, smiles and frowns. But through it all, we have had one constant: Laughter. This was the funniest thread in the Escapist, and it might just retain that title for a long time yet.
Thank you, Commander Shepard. Good luck with the Reaper threat... wherever you're fighting it.

Too long, didn't read.

Aww, Shepard. I missed you too. Hey, have you tried Omegle?

Whenever I say I'm Commander Shepard people quit.

Bet it's because they're scared of me.

I would be.

I jump a little every time I look in the mirror.

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