Corrupt a wish

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I'm pretty sure there's been about a hundred of these so far but they're fun so what the hoo-ha. For those who don't know the rules, you, as the title suggests, corrupt the wish of the person above. For example, if person A says "I wish for a million burgers", person B could say "Granted but you have to eat them in one sitting"

So without any further ado let's get started.
I wish I had a new car.

Granted it's half a foot tall.

I wish I had laser vision.

granted but you also have aids.
I wish for more people on my thread

Granted.

Trolls!

I wish for a danish.

Granted, Hamlet enters the room and bores you to death with lengthy monologues.

I wish for a milkshake. A plain chocolate milkshake. That is cold. and nice and normal.

okay, did you like the goatse wallpaper we have here?
I wish for MOAR CAKE!

Granted you get MOAR POISON CAKE!

I wish for lightning fast reflexes.

granted, you get struck by lighting whenever you move.
I wish for an antidote

Granted, but the antidote is actually a different type of poison, that counterbalances the effects of the previous poison

I wish for a Pip-Boy 3000

granted, it comes with a life time supplies of evil pandas however.
I wish for a bigger bank balance

Granted, but the date is now October 28th, 1929

I wish for a chocolate chip frappe

that sounds nice. *eats it for you*
I wish for a flat white coffee with no sugar

Granted, but the coffee got spat in by all the employees at Starbucks

I wish for a double-bladed lightsaber

granted but you get force chocked to death.
I wish for more games

Granted, but they're all grey and brown military FPS games

I wish for a time machine

Granted, but it goes by real time, so you go back 20 years, you stand there for 20 years.

I wish for a hover board.

Granted, but the battery lasts only for 4 minutes

I wish for a universal translator

Granted, but it's HK-47 with even less morals than an assassination-protocol droid should normally have.

I wish for the ability to, consciously, with only my fullest consent, and my confirmation from a coherent state of mind, grant myself any super-power that my mind can conceive of any time I deem fit.

Granted, but the villains you fight know all your personal information (name, address, loved ones, etc.)

I wish for a Klondike bar

Granted, did I mention it comes with a hungry, live Polar Bear?

I wish for the temperature of my state to go back down to sixty degrees Fahrenheit, otherwise known at 15.5555 degrees Celsius.

Granted, but this causes the state to go into debt, due to a lack of tourists

I wish for "A Dance with Dragons."

granted. but no FUS DO RAH for you.
I wish for Iron Maiden Concert Tickets

Granted, but the tickets are old

I wish for a fairy god parents

granted, but they abuse you.
I wish for more ways to say cheese

Granted, you can now say the word "Cheese" in every spoken language, but it's the only word you can ever say or write.

I wish that people would stop being so angry.

Granted, they are now all sad.
I wish that we all got along

Granted, but then everyone becomes a hive mind O.O

I wish for immortality

granted, the cost however is that tacos now taste rubbish.

Hah! That's it!? It's a steal XD

And what do you want now?

I wish for a choco taco.

no. I just ate it.

I wish for a pet Charizard

Granted, but it flies off to rejoin the herd

I wish for a pencil

Denied. Hes sitting in my room eating the rest of my choco taco I went and bought at my local gas station.

I wish for a pony.

Granted, but it's weak and can't be ridden

I wish for a napkin

Damn..

Granted, but it was used to wipe a baby's bottom.

I wish for bacon.

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