He isn't the Pointy Haired Boss from Dilbert
Ensures your bowels aren't weak.
Farting in an elevator.
At least you know how it smells now.
Pages of private messages.
I'm worthy of attention! :D
They have good beats.
Someone, somewhere is paying them to farm for gold
It's fun to try to repair it! Or at least to dismantle it completely.
Getting a door slammed in your face.
You get someone to vent your frustrations on for the next hour.
Fish fingers and custard.
It is innovating and edgy (to weird artists)
It cleanses humanity
Give you time for your teammates to slap your chest so you can get back up without injury.
It's a nice reminder from the power company to pay my bills!
At least I don't have cancer.
You can get more things done!
MLP haters. (Don't worry, I'm not a brony or anything)
It shows how much time they for debating!
Bigger screen for people with money to burn.
It's like a giant science experiment!
People need to get their fix, y'know.
Broken A/C on the hottest day of the year.
Great way to get yourself to sweat and lose all that extra weight you beat yourself up over!
They give someone in the pet care industry a job!
Who uses CDs now adays anyway?! PPPPFFTTTT
I needed to practice my stomping.
The scrap parts are enough to buy a new computer.
Sand in your eyes
With time they will become pearls!
It's a sure sign that you had a good night.
It's fun to try and see if you can trick something to leave the thing that's keeping them alive.
Make good for burining.
twilght (I havent read the entire topic so sorry if someone already said it)
It teaches kids not to trust emo people
Well it was time I got rid of my Nokia 6110 anyway.
Nintendo just announced a new Mario game.
It's fun for the little squirts!
makes car chases hilarious
I had a lot of money just lying around anyway.
On-disc DLC (lolcapcom).
It makes downloading the DLC easier.
I know when to turn off my TV, radio, w/e. when they come on.
Horrible voice acting
Provides a good laugh
Cracked phone screen