Someone who is on a low salt diet?
Did I miss an e-mail or are you and Tizzy's new egomaniacal titles symptomatic of an Escapist-wide mass delusion?
Since when are egomania and mass delusion separate psychoses on the Escapist?
Why don't big girls cry?
They refuse to drink any water
Do you even play the Oath of Order?
I don't know what that is.
Why are my posts taking several minutes to upload? Is this happening to anyone else?
It's just you; FEEL ALONE
Is anyone else thinking that I go through avatars a lot?
Yes. My thought before I read your post was "man, taco goes through a lot of avatars".
Why doesn't the Earth's gravity pull space into the atmosphere?
Because space sucks.
When the Escapist was recently bought did the rules change in any way?
If space sucks, why doesn't the Earth get sucked into space?
Because shut up!
How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?
I'll have to consult with you Mom: She's the expert on licking.
How much pain will I feel when Tizzy 'whacks' me next time?
You won't feel anything, you'll be dead. :P
What's going to be the next big video gaming outrage?
Halo 5: Invasion of the Ponies!
Has anyone seen Evil Smurf lately? I haven't in days.
I just saw him today.
When will my addiction to this site end?
Never. It's like your hobby with Cool Whip topping, but without the embarrassing, secret shame.
Why is the sky blue, Mommy/Daddy?
Because It is very sad son.
Why is everything complicated?
Because Talking Barbie Dolls from the 90's were programmed to say--among other things--"Math is hard!"
When will the computer shop guy call me and tell me the repair part for my computer has arrived?
When the part has arrived.
How do I get more spare time?
Quit your day job to do nothing but play games, surf the Escapist, and starve to death.
Why does that almost sound like an appealing scenario?
Because of the chip in your brain, that emits nothing but pleasure every time you say the word Escapist.
Why does Sally sell seashells down by the seashore?
Because she needed money on account of her crippling debts
Why did the lights go out?
Because I decided it would be a good idea to plug a European appliance into a North American socket.
Why did the dinosaurs die out?
Because it was a government conspiracy to make us stop wanting time travel
Do you know what my Christmas avatar will be?
Either Santa with a Taco hat, or a Taco with a Santa Hat. I'm unsure as to what would be most delicious.
why do doughnuts have to die?
Because we plug holes in them.
Will The Hobbit get fair reviews or be judged in comparison to the LotR trilogy?
When reviewing a film, is it not fair to take in consideration the previous work of the same director, crew, and production house, when making a film set in the same universe with some of the same characters?
Will the recommendations made by Lord Justice Leveson ever be made into law?
I certainly hope not, for YOUR sake's...
How did Taco know I'm in fact a private investigative sleuth?
He's the shadow broker
How did I know that?
Because YOU are the real shadow broker.
Why am I incapable of being evil in video games?
Because hidden object games are too linear for morality calls.
What keeps clouds up in the sky?
Tiny fairies hold up the particles
Why can't I ever make non taco avatars?
Because you are in fact, a Burrito, and go to great lengths to hide this secret, terrible, terrible shame.
Why did I spend so long lurking?
Deep in your heart you were afraid of pushing The Red Button.
What are you getting me for Christmas?
A nice big coffee cup.
How long will this winter last?
Until Spring arrives with the migrating Slinkies...
Has you noticed a large number of new (or previously inactive) posters in the forums lately?