The Escapist Advice Thread

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Goodly.

Dear Escapist, how can I be a better mod?

Ban all the other mods and you'll be the BEST one!

How can I ride a motorcycle without falling?

Ride it in a zero-gravity environment.

How should I celebrate my completion of my C-CRaP paper?
Yes, that is the name of the paper.

By cutting out its heart and feasting upon it.

Dear Escapist, people have called me unstable, how do I prove them wrong?

Show that what a really unstable person them to learn is. Be as wild as you possibly can. This will allow them to see what an unstable person looks like, and conclude that you are fine.

Dear Escapist, how do I get my neighbors to make less noise?

Hit the mute button.

Dear Escapist, how I mine for fish?

In a volcano!

Dear Escapist, how do I discover volcano fish?

By diving on lava of course.

Dear Escapist, how does one learn to play music?

Rock Band.

Dear escapist, I am terrible at getting into relationships, how do I get a girlfriend?

I believe there are a wide range of women available near you (at least, there are according to all the banner ads, maybe you should click them)

Dear Escapist, how can I increase my tolerance to alcohol?

Drink MOAR. The only way to become better at something is practice, practice, PRACTICE! Drink enough in one night, you will be able to drive in NASCAR completely plastered, operate heavy machinery after 12 beers, and fly airplanes without a day of flight school!

Dear escapist, I am in a bathroom covered with blood and a body is lying on the ground. What should I do?

Hide the body in the trashcan and blend into the background of the stall

Dear Escapist, how can I be a better poster?

Use all caps and make your posts pretty colors.

Dear Escapist, how can I lose 10 more pounds to reach my target weight?

Well I think your legs should weigh 10 ponds more or less, I recommend amputating them.

Dear Escapist how can I have better memory?

Dear the Escapist, am I suppose to throw the pin or the grenade?

Throw both. Can't go wrong, can you?

Dear Escapist, should I go play some games or continue to waste time on internet forums?

Go play Sonic 06. Fantastic game. *wink* *wink*

Dear Escapist, I think I see a UFO heading towards my direction. What should I do?

Dear escapist, I find scorptatious's image to adorable. How do I get back my man card?

Go punch a woman in the face, domestic abuse is SUPER-Manly (The "super" is too pronounced as Franky does in the japanese version of one piece)

Dear Escapist, I don't really know much about Anime, how can I learn more?

Go to a anime forum and say it sucks. You will get more information about it than you will need.

Dear Escapist how do I post here when I don't have the Internet during the week?

Go to every single thread and quadruple post, that way, on average, you will still be posting the same amount.
Or go insult a mod, you will get suspended and couldn't post even if you had internet.
O carrier pigeons.

Dear Escapist, how do I make plans for Easter?

Sit down and think about it.

Dear Escapist, how do I finish my assignments faster.

TizzytheTormentor:
Sit down and think about it.

Dear Escapist, how do I finish my assignments faster.

I object to this post. That is good advice, I demand only the most terrible of advice!!

OT: Plagiarize!!

Dear Escapist, how do I make money quickly and legally?

MrCollins:

TizzytheTormentor:
Sit down and think about it.

Dear Escapist, how do I finish my assignments faster.

I object to this post. That is good advice, I demand only the most terrible of advice!!

OT: Plagiarize!!

Dear Escapist, how do I make money quickly and legally?

Looks like it's time to sell yourself on the street in Amsterdam...

Dear Escapist, how do I concentrate better?

In order to improve your concentration, you wear glasses. Everyone knows they add +2 to concentration and +5 to intelligence.

Dear Escapist, how can I make problems for myself so I can contribute to this thread?

You make problems for your- DOESN'T FRUCKING COMPUTE.

Dear Escapist, how do I be less cynical?

Become almost over aggressively passive.

Dear Escapist I think I'm allergic to grass what should I do?

Allergies are all in the mind. You need to get over what is quite obviously in fact an irrational fear of grass, by eating copious amounts of it. I hear it tastes good with chutney.

Dear Escapist, how do I win at dwarf fortress?

Winning at the game "Dwarf fortress" is pointless, you should win at real life dwarf fortress:
Step 1: Capture large amounts of midgets.
Step 2: Buy a chateau in the Loire Valley of France
Step 3: Purchase a mining permit for the land next to the chateau
Step 4: Force the midget to mine all day.
Step 5: Rule over them as a "benevolent" dictator.
step 6: Profit.

Dear Escapist, how do I stop my compulsion to scratch my nose?

Chop it off.

Dear the escapist, how do I stop procastinating everything I do?

Eh, I'll help you tomorrow.

Dear person who has an account on this website dedicated to gaming, I feel depressed. What should I do?

Be less depressed and play a game you like.

Dear Escapist, how do I manage my limitless anger today?

PUNCH SMALL CHILDREN! They make the best stress release! :D

Dear the Escapist, me and four other people are going on a long wagon train through the unexplored Western United States to get rich in the mountains of gold hidden there. What should I buy for the six month journey?

All of the Anti-dysentery pills you can.

Dear Escapist I'm worried that I'm alienating myself. What should I do?

De-alienate yourself by playing more XCOM: Enemy Unknown

Dear Escapist, how do I tell a friend I like her?

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