The Escapist Advice Thread

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Well Vincent Van Gough cut off his ear and posted it to a girl. Try that.

Dear Escapist may radio isn't working is there a problem with my Internet?

Radio and Internet do not have anything to do with other.

I need a faster computer without paying money. What to do?

Look into buying a raido.

Should I go and see a band that I've never heard of?

If you like the genre, go ahead.

Dog? Cat? Fish? Which pet would give me the least amount of hassle?

Those pets are for pussies, get a LIGER, those are badass.

Dear Escapist, what percentage of my income should I spend on games?

2%. Saving money is king.

Which progressive rock artist has the best concept albums?

The madman living inside your ear.

How do I SCIENCE?

Just start throwing different elements together and wait for a BOOM, Splat or Nobel prize.

Dear Escapist I can't quit alcohol what should I do?

Take up heroine instead, you'll see, you won't even be able to think of alcohol.

Dear Escapist, how do I learn to count?
there is a certain count is wish to replace

Cards? Go learn how to cheat in poker.

Dear Escapist, how do I internet smack someone?

You put your hand really close to the screen and yell "SMACKA DAT FOOL!"

Dear Escapist, how can I be a good vigilante in society?

Nuke the city. It is now crime-free!

Dear Escapist, how do I make a pizza?

Go find the Heavy, he did teach you how to make "sandvich".

Dear Escapist, my toast is burnt. What do I do?

Use it to kill flies and make another toast. First world problems my ass...

Dear Escapist, I have a seminar tomorrow. How do I get prepared?

Screw your seminar, don't prepare. When your professor asks you why you haven't done it, just blame Kross. That always works.

Dear Escapist, how can I increase my typing speed?

Trim your fingers, the decrease in length will increase your speed >_>

Dear Escapist how can I look classy like Mr Collins?

Steal Mr. Collin's clothes. I'm sure he won't mind.

Dear Escapist, I'm about to take a test and am feeling stressed out. Any advice on how to calm down?

Do what you like. Play some games, or anything else really.

I'm preparing for a chess competition, how do I calm my nerves?

Simple, give yourself a hand, if you catch my drift... it releases endorphin that calms you down.

Dear Escapist, How can I best get revenge on Kaleion for taking my clothes, and can someone lend me a pair of trousers.

I have no clothes, but I guess spamming Kaleion should do the trick. :-D

Dear Escapist, where is the undo button?

Up your arse.

Dear Escapist, how do I control my sarcasm?

Be more sarcastic.

Dear Escapist, how do I sleep in peace tonight?

Dear Escapist, how do I gain happiness?

By drinking the tears of orphans.

Dear escapist how do I become un-banned?

User was banned for: Why Sony is this generations black plague. (Permanent)

CODE RED! WE HAVE BANNED PERSON WHO CAN STILL POST! DON'T LET IT TOUCH YOU! EVERYMAN FOR HIMSELF! THE TWO GIRLS ON THIS SITE FIRST! D:

Dear the Escapist, how can I prevent myself from being banned

Every time you get a warming, go in the mod chat and tell them that they are little bitches and if they ban you, you will hurt them. The mods are cowards, they would never dare ban you.

Dear Escapist, what shenanigans can I partake in?

Well, you just missed the recent Pub Club shenanigans. Sorry >.>

Dear Escapist, how should I waste use my free time?

Mess around nicely.

Dear Escapist, how do I reduce negativity here?

PsychicTaco115:
Well, you just missed the recent Pub Club shenanigans. Sorry >.>

Dear Escapist, how should I waste use my free time?

I did not miss out, I want more

OT: Drink a lot of water, the polarity of which is bound to make you positive.

Dear Escapist how can I be more Meta?

Donning a mask, grabbing a golden sword and calling yourself a knight.

Dear Escapist, how can I be more fashionable?

Follow those fangled teenagers, they have good fashion.

<------------ [/irony]

Dear Escapist, what is a good way to beat a video game boss?

By burning the cd in the hottest fire you can find.

Dear Escapist, I think my laptop is on the way out what should I do?

Cremate it.

Dear Escapist, there's someone in my head and it's not me. What should I do?

Invite them to stay as long as they want, and let them know that they are welcome to use your body.

Dear Escapist, I have a recurring nightmare. What do I do?

Never go to sleep... or find something even scarier to dream of instead, then you'll have a new one....

Dear escapist, I find it difficult to pay attention in lectures, what should I do??

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