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Muckraker  Posts: 276 Joined: 17 Jul 2008     | |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1209 Joined: 22 Apr 2008     |
ZEM News is on the scene. Well, he have here the candidate's summaries of their campaigns, written by themselves. Not the most unbiased things in the world, and walls of text to boot, so Zemalac International is here to once more perform the service that we started our company with. That is, summaries of the candidates. ULTRAJOE has already done a summary, and you can use ours as another source of information. Purple Rain is running as a power-mad tyrant bent on the destruction of pretty much everything. Using his legion of rat-slaves and a couple dark gods with unpronouncable names, Rain's platform is based on forcing everyone into labor camps to make weapons of mass destruction. His opponants have continually accused him of being an evil maniac, which he has responded to by laughing insanely and eating a child. John Galt is running on a platform of capitalism and free-marked economics, with a side order of 4chan-ish lulz. His economic plans call for privitization of all enterprises and for all opponents to be thrown in debtor's prison. He plans on having most heavy labor done by controlled zombies, and there was also some mention of zombie-crewed robotic airships. All in all, a respectable, business-suited candidate with more money than god. Darth Mobius is basing his campain on the might of the Dark Side and Star Destroyers. He has promised all who vote for him a supercar, free beer, cookies, and a pool, an enticing offer that has won him many voters. He has presented himself as a family-friendly candidate, a man who understands the troubles of the common man as well as the need for defense. Of all the parties his supporters were the most active throughout the election, supporters drawn to him by his initial promise of death to all reality TV show contestants. Saskwach is the etheral candidate, the candidate that no one can remember ever doing anything but occasionally making an impassioned speech. He did, however, survive all the elimination rounds despite not participating in them, and has somehow reached the final vote. He's like Schrodinger's Candidate. Time will tell who will emerge the victor. At the time of this posting Purple Rain has 10 votes, Galt has 7, Mobius has 10, and Saskwach has 2. This has been a ZEM News Postcast Zemalac International |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2307 Joined: 1 Jul 2008     | Three way tie? This just got very interesting. |
BANNED  Posts: 1590 Joined: 5 May 2008    | belay that. Purple Rain and the SDP are now tied... User was banned for: Poll: Why is it that.... (Permanent) |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 4433 Joined: 14 Jan 2008   |
Well that didn't last very long now did it? Looks like Galt is getting left behind |
BANNED Posts: 1590 Joined: 5 May 2008 | So I noticed. User was banned for: Poll: Why is it that.... (Permanent) |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2307 Joined: 1 Jul 2008 | Be quiet! Don't jinx it! It could turn at a moment's notice! |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1209 Joined: 22 Apr 2008 | You know, this is really facinating, watching the progress of the election on a moment-by-moment basis. We can see what the score is even faster than the counters on an actual election night. It's really interesting. Count is currently Rain 13, Galt 11, Mobius 14, Saskwach 2. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1679 Joined: 29 Dec 2007    |
Protip: Start drinking. That should take care of both your fear and liver while leaving the mind mostly intact. Just break out the absinthe and don't stop until the very chairs themselves shout my praises!
Booyah, an endorsement from the patron saint of these elections. This is just the sort of thing we need to grab those six or seven voters and surge ahead. Now if you will excuse me... *stuffs the 'Totally Legit Money Bag' into a furnace.* There, won't have to use that thing ever again if I can win 'em over with my good looks. |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 498 Joined: 24 Jul 2008    | Someone should make a graph of the votes(time). EDIT: If you dont get that "votes(time)" is a function you are not pants on head retarded but merely got less IQ then my ping pong table... |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2108 Joined: 13 Dec 2007  | I love ping pong... I could do that, but it'll be in longer implements of time as I've things to do. |
Beat Writer  Posts: 135 Joined: 7 Jun 2008    |
Do not worry my friend, John Galt will protect you:
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Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 713 Joined: 5 Jul 2008   | LONG LIVE KING...purple...ninja thing. ... RAIN! |
On the Record  Posts: 7324 Joined: 23 Dec 2007    | Vote! Wait, Saskwatch isn't going to do anything if elected? Damnit I already wasted my vote. |
Beat Writer Posts: 135 Joined: 7 Jun 2008 |
Oh c'mon you did the campaign video. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2307 Joined: 1 Jul 2008 |
Actually it's: I think the best choice is obvious. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2275 Joined: 13 Sep 2007   | FUCK! My post got erased, so I'll just try to make it clear that I'm voting for Anarchy and not for Ultrajoe. I have no illusions of the nature of Anarchy, but I think it's worth it. Besides, I'd be at the top of the food chain. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1209 Joined: 22 Apr 2008 | Hmmm. It seems my Covert News Team has broken cover in the OP. I'll need to get better cloaking mechanisms next time.
That's something I'd do if I weren't going on a brief overnight trip during the voting. As is, I'm recording the score every time I post so if anyone else wants to do it they'll have sufficient data. Speaking of which... Rain 14, Galt 13, Mobius 17, Saskwach 2. I feel like a football announcer. |
On the Record  Posts: 5674 Joined: 2 Dec 2007  | Nooo! Why the hell would you vote for the SDP. It's just like watching a Star Wars repeat for the hundredth time. With all their space ships I'd say they're compinsating for something as well. Look, if you vote for me, free piggyback rides on my elephant form! Crowd: 'Yay!' Also, to shatter Galt's title, his movie is a sham! The countdowns in film only goes to 2 before going black with the beep sound! Yours ended with 1! Proof it's a mock. As for Saskwach... how did he even make it this far? He's just bobbing along not even looking at the rules. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2113 Joined: 23 Feb 2008 | I voted for saskwach but I got confused. I thought I was voting for Buchanan. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2307 Joined: 1 Jul 2008 |
You think that will beat supercars, pools and free insurance for your supercar? |
On the Record Posts: 5674 Joined: 2 Dec 2007 |
Elephant > Car. Yeah. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1368 Joined: 27 Jan 2008    | PurpleRain '08. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1679 Joined: 29 Dec 2007 |
Don't vote for Rain, he's a furry. I won't have my Fridays compromised by this. Also, dear voters, what's better? A supercar or zeppelin? Why, a supercar requires roads, costly oil, and all kinds of annoying traffic problems. A zeppelin requires no roads, can be run with minimal fuel, and has three dimensions of navigational ability as opposed to your 2D thinking. Vote John Galt! Vote for a new kind of bribery! |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2307 Joined: 1 Jul 2008 |
How is elephant better than supercar with free vandalism and elephant cover? |
Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 898 Joined: 24 Jun 2008    | wait a sec, is that a stealth news team at the bottom of the first post? |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2307 Joined: 1 Jul 2008 |
Yes. It actually is. I believe they are currently stationed underneath Purple rains' bed. But they could be stood behind you for all you know. They are that good at their job! |
On the Record Posts: 5674 Joined: 2 Dec 2007 |
Sonic boom! Plus you know how much it will cost for cars and spaceships! You're basically draining the Escapist's money. Galt and I have plans for the budget whereas you seem to blow it all! Vote for the SDP and you'll be left pennyless. Vote for PurpleRain and you'll be given so many drugs you won't even remember what day it was. Also, drooling on the weapons costs you your life. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2307 Joined: 1 Jul 2008 |
Your plans for the budget involve destroying everyone in the Escapist! And Galt's zeppelins are supposed to be cheap to run somehow? |
Pulitzer Laureate Posts: 898 Joined: 24 Jun 2008 |
Ninja Paparatzi, invading your privacy since we discovered that you left your bathroom window open. |
On the Record Posts: 5674 Joined: 2 Dec 2007 |
Galt rips everyone off with overexpensive products and services, while I only spend on things that benift the Escapist. Why would I kill you all off? Who will breed with the rats or work my machines?! The sla- *cough* employees of the Escapist will work hard under my regiem only to benifit the progress and the overall distructon of everyone else, thus making the Escapist a better place to live. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1679 Joined: 29 Dec 2007 | However Rain, the price of goods will surely fall due to extremely cheap manufacturing that will come with having a large zombie army of slaves. Robotic zeppelins, while initially expensive, will prove much cleaner, cheaper, and speedier than supercars or Rain's fursuit in the long run. |
Muckraker  Posts: 310 Joined: 24 Jun 2008  | To be honest, I was initially slightly annoyed by Mobius and others for the forum fights(not taking sides) as I believed it could be settled in private messages. When I came to this thread, I was impartial. A man of neutrality. I would have settled on Saskwach for the comic value had it not been for one thing. The SDP video. The powerful song in part with the family friendly values has made my decision. Keep in mind though, had there been a GOOD party (I mean good as in saving orphans not as in food) I would have voted for them hands down. But, there is not and so.... SDP, you have my vote. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 4269 Joined: 13 Aug 2008     |
I've seen his elephant, and not only could it beat any of those silly new "automoble" things, but it can swim too (so yes it can beat them, and insurance doesn't change the fact that your new supercars will be squashed into little tiny bits). Oh and it has two trunks, one for everyday elephant tasks such as picking up logs, picking up people or painting. The other used exclusively for dishing out it's very own brand of pain! |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1977 Joined: 26 Jun 2008   |
Now that's a freaky elephant. I wouldn't want to ride that thing. |
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As I've had an agonisingly long severance from an internet connection here is a rare message from Galt's (Old?) propaganda minister:
Just vote Galt for everythingnessness' sake. May the rest of you have an honourable befuddlement during loss.