President Mobius has been kidnapped by ninjas... The ULTRA twist!

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Story:

A shady figure emerges from behind a shadow. He is wearing a black coat, sunglasses and hat. He is obviously from the Secret Service Darth Mobius, the President of the Escapist uses to do his dark dealings and buy his crack. He looks at the group with a cold face.
"President Mobius has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the President?"

DUN DUN DUN!

He continues after the brief interuption of the dramatic music finishes.

"The local news and sightings of him is either replayed footage or his body double. The real Mobius was taken two weeks ago. We were sort of busy in that time... with a... um, rave party. Anyway, we have lost all clues aside from this one note. It's encryptide and we can't seem to work out what it means. Can you make it out?!"

He hads the group a note:

'I have captured the president. After two weeks and one day, I will execute him on national television. I should have become the president! The election was rigged! I should have won!
Signed, P. Rain'

"Who's a bad enough dude or dudet to rescue the President?" he repeats before going silent.

Rules:
This will mostly play out like a normal troll slaying RP but of epic proportions seeing as Im that troll!
But don't fret everyone, no direct combat will happen until you reach bosses (ie Actual forum members). There will be some clue finding and puzzle solving as you have but 24 hours to save Morbius from his doomed fate!

Characters:
The thing with this RP is that there is no actual characters of such. Just you. Galt will be Galt, Ultrajoe will be Ultrajoe, Larenxis will be Lar- you get the point. However, I do recommend you be an actual honerary poster as in, recognised and respected on these boards to some degree. We're generally nice so if you really want to play you can.

Since this is a follow on from the Escapist Elections, I would like to see old bands reuniting and alliences reforged. You are all working together, but I'm sure joe is still a lil' sore that I have kept his balls in a jar. Galt will have a few Zeplins, but NO spaceships allowed!

I'm hopeing a few of my old minons return to me, but other than that, it's free game.

I'm sure the powers of The Logician will be crucial to saving President Mobius. Also, I voted for him, so it's a moral obligation.

So...yeah, count me in, if that's OK.

Oh, and can I use all of my Super Logic Powers (convincing bullets to turn around, opening portals by making both points angry, Rickrolling people to death...).

Looks up from polishing stuff.

"OH, THIS CAN'T END POORLY, IM SO IN"

Im off for tonight, dont start without me.

BLE TO FIND ANYTHING LEFT OF YOU!!!!!" Ultra Joe Did Scream, As They Neared The End Of Their Battle.

Rain Reached Up And Bashed Joe, They Were A Maelstrom Of Blows, Exchanging Attacks At The Speed OF Light, Blade Met Skeletal Claw As The Knight And A Eternal Skeletal Fury Dueled For The Fate Of The Escapist Itself.

They Were An Angel And A Demon, Equally Powerful And Bent On Destruction.

But The Ultra Joe Was Prepared.

"Are You Ready Rain? TO DIE!!!!!!!!!??!??!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!!

Hey, Thats Not A Bad Idea Of How I Can Defeat Rain!

I'm ... Intrigued. But very busy.

If the time commitment is low I'll play. If not I'll just pop in every now and then unannounced and unwelcome.

Bursts in the room.

"I may only be the humble voter that is bought off with bribes but by god I have to do something about this. The Escapist needs its President or we are all doomed!"

*Pumps a shotgun*

"Lets do this thing!"

I am bound by honor and friendship to help Mobius in this crisis. But I am more bound by my alarm-clock and work schedule, so this will all have to wait.

G'night.

The wall cracks open, and the Toe Bighter rides in on his nazi Cassowary. "Rain has eluded me long enough, I want his head!" I say with a booming voice, while reigning in my mount.

Interesting... sounds like a barrel of fun! -straps on my cyberpunk body armour and a bandolier full of sharpened glowsticks-

Fire Daemon, you are a god amongst men.

This is neat and flattering, but I can't conceive of being able to do this time-wise. Or what my character from the Election would do. "Alright guys, let's follow some rules!"

Fire Daemon:
Bursts in the room.

"I may only be the humble voter that is bought off with bribes but by god I have to do something about this. The Escapist needs its President or we are all doomed!"

*Pumps a shotgun*

"Lets do this thing!"

*looks up from coffee*

"Shut up! I was up 'till ten last night snortin' mouthwash, I don't need you gizzlbeck..."

*keels over*

Fire Daemon:
Bursts in the room.

"I may only be the humble voter that is bought off with bribes but by god I have to do something about this. The Escapist needs its President or we are all doomed!"

*Pumps a shotgun*

"Lets do this thing!"

"Why must everyone resort to shotgun-like violence? Why not use Awesome Logic Powers? Oh wait; NO ONE HAS AWESOME LOGIC POWERS, ONLY THE LOGICIAN!

Oh well; I guess I should Rickroll you to death."

*commences Rickrolling*

Ah, this reminds me of the time I was kidnapped by ninjas...

Everyone:
NOBODY CARES!

Such good memories...

Everyone:
GODDAMN IT!

Meanwhile, back in time...:

The Logician awoke from his haze. He was in a room lit only by a single light (which was right over him) and tied to a chair.

"Y'know, Ruth, I should have mentioned I'm not into kinky stuff"

"Nice response," a generic voice responded. "But we know you don't have a girlfriend!"

"...damn it. Who are you people?"

"We are...The Green Ninja Clan!"

The Logician looked around. The room (besides him) was inhabited by two dozen people who seemed to be cosplaying as Reptile from Mortal Kombat.

"Now that we have The Logician in our hands, we can hold the entire world for ransom!"

There was much cheering.

The Logician spoke up. "Wait, what makes you think anyone gives a damn?"

There was much hushing.

A member of the Clan spoke up. "You're The Logician! They have to care!"

The cheering re-commenced.

"Actually, the governments of the world don't even ackowledge my existence."

"Then we'll use you as a weapon!"

"What makes you think for even a second that I'll do anything you say?"

"We'll tourture you!"

"Oh, yeah, real original, tourture the guy who's strapped to a chair. Y'know, why don't you try being nice to me? Did the thought ever occur to you, or are you all just jerks?"

There was much akward paddling of feet.

"OK, if we're nice to you, will you do what we say?"

"It's more likely than me doing what you say because your tourturing me. And you have to ask me politely."

"OK...are you...like...comfortable."

"Yeah, I'm fine, but all these concious people are kinda bugging me. I'd be a lot more inclined do relese my Awesome Logician Powers if they were all knocked out, especially in a brutal fashion that left them unconcius for quite some time."

"OK, then. Well, you heard the man; Knock everyone out! I don't want them awake until dawn!"

(several moments later)

The room was still inhabited by two dozen or so Reptile cosplayers, but they were all out cold. The Logician took a deep breath, stood up (he had undone the ropes) and said "I wonder if all ninjas are that easy to exploit?"

Suddenly, a powerful force rocked the building, tearing it to shreads; standing in front of the building was

CHUCK NORRIS!
OPTIMUS PRIME!
MR. T!
and
THE ULTRA JOE!

"We're here to save you, Logician." Chuck Norris said. He had just perfectly executed another perfect roundhouse kick.

"ULTRA Save You!" The Ultra Joe added.

"And pitty da foos who kidnapped you." Mr. T interjected.

"Nah, that's OK." The Logician said, looking around. "I kinda took care of it myself."

"Damn." Mr. T said. "I sure pitty dose foos."

"ULTRA Pity!" The Ultra Joe added.

Suddenly, Waldo popped out from behind the building. "Oh no, they found me!" He immediately began running.

"Oh no you don't!" Chuck Norris said, giving chase.

Good times were had by all.

Yeah...Good times were had by all...

everyone:
SHUT THE F*** UP!

"Wow, Logician, I thought I was the only around here who got high off dental hygiene products. Can someone help me up? I just coughed up a toothpaste lid."

Ooh! Count me in!

Can I cameo the Clock Tower Sandwich?

This looks like a box of fun, or a boxful of fun I'm not sure which just yet. At any rate I want in.

*Pulls out sword from behind ear*

On a side note: "THere will be some clue finding", HA he made a typo, HE IS MORTAL!

Fool... That typo was a clue! We piece the typos together to find Mobius' location!

Anyways, I'm in I guess. Should be interesting to see what an Anarchist can do in this situation.

We need news coverage for this controversial event!

And I know just the guy...

I guess I'm in then
So I guess I'm one of your minions again Mr. Rain?
Or perhaps your most loyal minion was to wait till you won next year to kill you, then he could become president.

*Bursts through door of the room where all the others are, they think him on Rain's side and point guns at him*
"Woahwoahwoahwoahwoahwaohaowah...woah...woah.......woah.............................woah, I'm on your side."
*Cocks shotgun*
*turns safety off on pistol*
*Pulls pin on duck grenade*
*Drinks bottle of pledge*
"Alright, let's *removes sunglasses*do this."

Easykill:
Fool... That typo was a clue! We piece the typos together to find Mobius' location!

Gah! You found the hidden secret clue #28!

Spartan Bannana:
I guess I'm in then
So I guess I'm one of your minions again Mr. Rain?
Or perhaps your most loyal minion was to wait till you won next year to kill you, then he could become president.

If you want to be my minon, you start at my evil base! A dark ancient castle surrounded in a Mordor-esq ruined land.

Okay I have changed my mind and will be on Rain's side.
*SPACE TIME REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNDDDDDDD*
"I have sided with you sir"

Spartan Bannana:
Okay I have changed my mind and will be on Rain's side.

Are you sure that's a good idea? I could tell you about the time ninjas kidnapped me-

Knights Of The Round Table:
NO YOU WON'T!

fine, fine. I'll just guide you to the

The_Logician19:
wall of text

and warn you that I am well equiped to deal with evil minions. I am The Logician, after all.

Hey, you could switch sides, be my minion. Crowghast and Khedive Rex have already agreed to be my minions

Crowghast&Rex:
No we didn't...

Shutup, minions. Anyway, you would be much better off as my minion. We have full dental insurance, seven paid holadays (including a voting one) and everyone who joins gets a free cookie. Not a crappy one either, these things are awesome. I eat these babies myself when I'm not being Awesome.

So, the descison's up to you. Make your choice; but do it wisely.

Damnit, I'm paralyzed by indecision, do I stay with Rain or get a free cookie, I'll be back later to decide

Being a minion is fun I'm in. Besides, we all need a good mindless minion. Unless you are a mindless minion, they don't need mindless minions. So I guess the first bit should be "Most people need a good mindless minion". But that doesn't sound right now does it? I guess it could be something along the lines of "Every evil dictator needs a mindless minion". That still doesn't sound as good as the first one, but better than the second.
I knew there was a reason I didn't use my mind, but the lack of mind usage made me forget.

Gah... I'll pass on this one... or will I?

(sits in the corner and quietly loads his AK-47)

EDIT: Oh, and Sargent Toughie bows to no man... I will not be a minion, and if that means forming my own group... so be it

conqueror Kenny:
Being a minion is fun I'm in. Besides, we all need a good mindless minion. Unless you are a mindless minion, they don't need mindless minions. So I guess the first bit should be "Most people need a good mindless minion". But that doesn't sound right now does it? I guess it could be something along the lines of "Every evil dictator needs a mindless minion". That still doesn't sound as good as the first one, but better than the second.
I knew there was a reason I didn't use my mind, but the lack of mind usage made me forget.

That confused me so much I almost said I wanted to be an evil minion to find out what the hell you were talking about...but then I remembered that it would probably kill me to be in another RP...

Using my strange knowledge of all things of the Greek and Norse mythololgies I shall also attemt to help rescue the president! *Hops into small Hermes class fighter* *Then re-reads the rules, and hops out again with a lightning bolt slingshot, whistling innocently*

Very well... I now stand alone, a warrior in the shadows, who's intent is known by none... and cared about by less

the lone member of the Toughie Clan

(Toughie clan now accepting applications)

SargentToughie:
Very well... I now stand alone, a warrior in the shadows, who's intent is known by none... and cared about by less

the lone member of the Toughie Clan

(Toughie clan now accepting applications)

I accept the offer of second in command that you were about to give to me.

That is if I'm recognised and respected enough for this game, well people?

Also I'm still a little confused as to what's going on..

I'm in. However, I'll probably only be on from time to time; perhaps I could be some guy that you can call on every now and then to help (posters not included).

TheGhostOfSin:

SargentToughie:
Very well... I now stand alone, a warrior in the shadows, who's intent is known by none... and cared about by less

the lone member of the Toughie Clan

(Toughie clan now accepting applications)

I accept the offer of second in command that you were about to give to me.

That is if I'm recognised and respected enough for this game, well people?

Also I'm still a little confused as to what's going on..

You will all be crushed by the might of the Purple Rain!

No-one defeats me not even Rain's misspelled Fruit minions.

Anarchemitis:

Yes... Ghost of sin, you are hereby appointed the rank of my trusted lieutenant... jump for joy

Run in fear Purple rain, my numbers have doubled in a mere ten minutes

Purple Rain puts the call out for Ninja everywhere to unite, Iron Ninja answers the call.

This wouldn't have happened if you had a Ninja president. Who would be badass enough to kidnap a Ninja president?

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