My tactical squadran of walruses steal it by hiding in OTHER cardboard boxes a la Solid Snake and steal away in the night.

They hide it in the exact center of an iceberg guarded from all sides by the squad.

I hire the entire cast of Waterworld to ride in on jetskis and blow up the walrii and the iceberg before retrieving the pineapple.

I place it at the center of a Tootsie Pop, making it impossible to retrieve safely.

I recouperate my walruses and hire several sugar high children, of whom I have surgically removed all of their teeth, and tell them the first one to give the pineapple gets MORE candy.

Naturally amy walruses and I get the pinapple in several minutes, then abandon the freak children and fly away into the clouds.

After 15 months of flying about, we settle and hide the pineapple in an undisclosed location with super highly mega secretive security measures, somewhere in a forest. Or maybe it is in a desert? Who knows? NO ONE! MUAHAHAHAHA!

Using my all-seeing eye, I spy he pineapple. I then have Master Chief and Trinity distract the walruses while I rush in, steal it, and use the Portal Gun to make my escape.

Then I eat the pineapple.(It's hidden in my stomach now!)

The mirror version of myself divides by 0 causing the dimensional wall to weaken and break, allowing me to steal the pineapple.

I hide the pineapple in the secret fort under my bed.

i go into your bed my army of brain dead zombies invade the fort killing and zombifying all the gaurds and then taking the pineapple. unfortenetly one of the zombies mistook the pineapple as a brain and ate it. to bad all my zombies look the same and i have 250+

Using Atomic manipulation and Like-material Quantum Superpositionistic methods, I teleport the pineapple into my hand.
*smug face*
<-----

While your looking backward, running away and laughing at Anarchemitis, you bump into me, sending the pineapple flying into the air and you landing face first on the ground. I catch the pineapple, stabbing it with my sword and mount my Horse, galloping off over the horizon.

I turn your happy thoughts into perverted ones by sending sexy pictures to a T.V. that you can't turn off. Your rocket, no longer running on happy thoughts, falls back to earth and crashes, killing you. I then come up to the wreck, take the pineapple, do a irish jig on your corpse, and pee on you before i run away with the pineapple. I then turn it invisible and hide it in the only place that makes sense: This post.

SEE?!---->

I redirect Air Force One (starring Harrison Ford) into your helicopter. From the burning wreckage, I retrieve the pineapple, and hide it in a very large can of other pineapples.

Searching through the can with the infinite patience of Horton of Seuss fame, I find the Pineapple.
I place it in an appropriate cultivar and let it grow to support its flowers.

when you arent looking i have a zombie sneak past you and rip the pineapple out of the appropriate cultivar

While the walruses where distracted by Master Cheif and Trinity, They hired them as cammanders so Master Cheif, Trinity, nad a pack of highly trained walruses grapple your zombie and tear it apart, grabbing the pineapple.

We all run away and transmoglaphy the Pinapple into an octagon.

i make a plauge to kill off all walruses and i search for the octagon and find it and grind it down to liquid form!

Whelp, now you've done it.
Not even magic can restore organic matter to original state once it's been turned into a heterogeneous liquid compound.

i have no clue what to say on how to get a pineapple that has been pissed into the sea

We, the Combine, drain the worlds seas, reassemble the pineapple into a solid mass, then hide it in the center of The Citadel, in a box, that's in another box, that's in another box, that's in in another box. Some combine are left to protect it.

after gordon blows up the citadel i come and grab all the boxes and eventually find the pineapple and hide it in a mall somewhere

Unfortunatley for you, the mall is in Willamete, Colorado! (Deadrising location for those who don't get reference) While you are searching for a suitable hiding place, I swoop in and kill you with the Megabuster. I then go to the Mall's grocery store and hide it underneath the infinite orange juice display.

depressed i decided to tear through the orange juice. after hours of searching i finally found it and put it in the only reasonable place to put it. that was up my butt!

I return home, exhausted from battle and crushing people's skulls with my sword for the day. Depressed of the news of the pineapple hunt, I kick off my Knight armor boots and fall into my couch with a sigh of relief. When looking for the TV remote, I notice a carrot, I pick it up without question and throw it out the window where my horse stands firm and eats it. My horse looks dissatisfied.. and gave me a look, as if to say "This are no real carrotz!".

I noticed the faiding remains of a blackhole in the next room, I quickly dive into it, sword in hand and inside it I see a random pink raptor with a bowtie scurrying away with the carrot in it's mouth. I throw my sword, pinning it to the raptors tail.. I tackle the raptor, ripping it's tail clean off due to the sword. I begin to beat the raptor with it's own tail. I take the carrot from it's mouth and golden boot the raptor in the head. I escape the dimension, leaving behind the wounded raptor. I find a large rock and furiously dive to it, piercing the carrot into the rock (sword in the stone style).

I gaurd it along side my horse, waiting for some stealz.

I fly in, killing Thaepheux using my chaingun that shoots memes. I, instead of trying to pry the carrot from the rock, destroy the rock using...erm...magic. I take the carrot away from the now molten rock. I then bury the carrot in the center of the moon, then I bury the moon in the center of the Earth (killing about 50% of the population in the process). I then bury the Earth in the center of the Sun (everyone on Earth in dead :P). I then treat myself to a space mojito using space rum I got from space pirates and space mint leaves I got from...uh...Europa...

I burn your mojito, (erm... space mojito) with a flame thrower.

My walruses and I hijack a Badass Gavity pump a la Bubblegum Tate and move the sun to the center of the planet Oceana, putting out the fires adn sending it away in a poof of smoke. I then Use the Death Star (which I hijacked from Darth Mobius) to blow up the earth and the moon and then retrieve the carrot, blowing up the gravity pump and death star (a third time).

I then take the carrot and I fly to the planet Bunny-Procreation land. I give it to one of the 50 Billion bunnys. (Also, they reproduce so fast that in the time to kill one, fifty more pop out of the... you know...). And only I know which one has the carrot. MUAHAHAAHA!

First off, I punch you Vivaldi. Second, I overcharge my meme capacitor to destroy Bunny-Procreation land, destroying my chaingun in the process. I find the carrot among the remains (if it can survive being in the center of the Earth, Sun, and Moon simultaneosly, I think it can survive a large explosion). I then convert in into binary code while destroying the carrot on an atomic level in the process, imprint the code neccesary to reconstitute it onto a single atom on a mint leaf that I have hidden on a small comet somewhere in the Oort cloud.

I infuse the carrot with explodium. Now try getting at it, suckers.