Take any line, flip it around, and add in Soviet Russia.
I'll start-
In Soviet Russia, you do not shoot gun, gun shoots YOU.
In Soviet Russia, you do watch TV, TV watches YOU.

In soviet Russia, you don't have sex, sex has YOU!

In Soviet Russia, you don't make Chuck Norris jokes. Church Norris jokes make YOU

In Soviet Russia, you don't get cold, cold gets YOU!

that's the classic one from some movie...

In Soviet Russia, you dont make PB and J, PB and J gets you! :P

In Soveit Russia You dont drive car! Car Drives YOU!

In Soviet Russia, you don't think outside the box, the box thinks outside YOU!

In Soviet Russia road forks YOU!

In Soviet Russia, you do not play Tetris. Tetris plays YOU.

In soviet russia you don't lisen to music, music lisens to YOU!

In Soviet Russia, Jew oppress YOU!!

In Soviet Russia, you do not come back and bite history in the ass, history comes back and bites YOU in the ass! Wait...
/razor irony

In Soviet Russia, you do not tread the vast and desolate tundra; the vast and desolate tundra treads YOU!

In Soviet Russia, spoon bends you!

In soviet Russia, you don't get drunk and screw whores, alcohol screws up and whores YOU!

In soviet Russia, you don't get beaten up and dragged off to the KGB, ...Oh wait.
In soviet Russia, watch sets you!
In Soviet Russia, Freeman kills you.

In Soviet Russia you don't screw people, Soviet Russia screws you!

In Soviet Russia, duck feeds you!
In Soviet Russia, money spends you!

In Soviet Russia, poetry writes YOU.

In soviet you don;t do a revolution
A revolution does you!
(sorry just revising the ruissa rev's)

thebobmaster:
In Soviet Russia, spoon bends you!

In Soviet Russia, there is no spoon.

In Soviet Russia, Premier assassinates YOU!

In Soviet Russia, Russia soviets you!

In Soviet Russia, you do not cancel Firefly, Firefly cancels YOU!

In Soviet Russia, Template Saves YOU!

In Soviet Russia, you don't open a can of soup, can of soup opens YOU!

In soviet Russia, you do not laugh at our accent, accent luaghs at you!

In Soviet Russia, you do not turn light on, light turns YOU on!

berethond:
In Soviet Russia, you don't make Chuck Norris jokes. Church Norris jokes make YOU

In Soviet Russia, Rutherford B. Hayes knows how many licks a Tootsie Pop takes to get to the center of you!

In Soviet Russia:
-Environment fucks you!
-Subway rides you!
-Cancer cures you!
-Cow milks you!
-Aspirin takes you!
-Ipod fills you!... with music and photos of friends and family...
-RROD overheats you!
-Pizza slices you!
-Ice skates you!
-Tiles lay you!
-Sleep has you!
-There are no women, only slow deeeath!

In Soviet Russia, you do not get crabs from hooker, YOU give hooker crabs.

in soviet Russia you do not sit on chair chair sits on you!

in soviet Russia you do not play game game plays you!

In Soviet Russia, automatic doors don't open automatically for you, you open automatically open for them!

In Soviet Russia, food doesn't eat you!
because there is none.

In Soviet Russia, you don't protect the Motherland, the Motherland protects...

Wait, that's wrong...