Jehovah's witnesses confused me.

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Just a warning before I start, I am tired and there is a good chance this wont make a lot of sense.

Basically this morning (at some stupidly early time) I had a couple of Jehovah's witnesses at the door who said something about Jesus having an army of angels and that they study earthquakes and apparently there are so many major earthquakes at the moment because Jesus is showing us that he is ready to complete his plan for humanity or something along those lines.

Can somebody please explain to me what the hell they were on about?

There has been a lot of seismic activity recently. Unfortunately for the bible bashers it is because tectonic plates are colliding in such a way that a lot of energy needs to be released and not because of legions of angels.

I prefer to convert them to atheism.

I had reasonable results with a Mormon, but my attempts with a Buddhist monk were less successful. Strangely, the Buddhist was far more close-minded, which was a touch odd to me.

I understand how earthquakes work, I was kinda hoping someone could explain that belief to me in more detail as I find it quite interesting to hear these peoples ideas.

I have a horrible feeling this sounded arrogant, it wasn't meant to.

EDIT:

Andy_Panthro:
I prefer to convert them to atheism.

I had reasonable results with a Mormon, but my attempts with a Buddhist monk were less successful. Strangely, the Buddhist was far more close-minded, which was a touch odd to me.

That sounds quite interesting actually, I probably wouldn't have bothered with the Buddhist since as far as I can tell Buddhism is actually quite sensible.

The army of angels that God has employed don't just get given wings and a white shawl, they carry with them immense amounts of WD-40. You know the proton packs in Ghostbusters? Imagine those things, but filled with lubricating oil. They swoop down on the earths fault lines and squirt it all inside them. Eventually the tectonic plates slip and the earth moves.

That's what my Physics teacher told me anyway.

cuddly_tomato:
The army of angels that God has employed don't just get given wings and a white shawl, they carry with them immense amounts of WD-40. You know the proton packs in Ghostbusters? Imagine those things, but filled with lubricating oil. They swoop down on the earths fault lines and squirt it all in, and eventually the tectonic plates slip and the earth moves.

That's what my Physics teacher told me anyway.

Ok that was brilliant.

And I just remembered, Jesus is also the arch-angel Gabriel apparently.

jamez525:
I understand how earthquakes work, I was kinda hoping someone could explain that belief to me in more detail as I find it quite interesting to hear these peoples ideas.

Jehovah's witnesses seem to have a way of forcing unsubstantiated beliefs onto you. Best policy is to listen them out then come back to them with the sensible reasonable stuff then be offended when they don't take you seriously. Scratch that, best policy is to just ignore them.

Buddhism is actually quite sensible.

Apart from that reincarnation BS.

Stoicism is much better.

This is completely off topic and unnecessary, but the OP's avatar made me literally laugh out loud.

OT: I honestly have no clue. Their dogma seems insane enough without this stuff clouding it up.

Mybe they were militant atheist trolls?

More Fun To Compute:

jamez525:
I understand how earthquakes work, I was kinda hoping someone could explain that belief to me in more detail as I find it quite interesting to hear these peoples ideas.

Jehovah's witnesses seem to have a way of forcing unsubstantiated beliefs onto you. Best policy is to listen them out then come back to them with the sensible reasonable stuff then be offended when they don't take you seriously. Scratch that, best policy is to just ignore them.

Buddhism is actually quite sensible.

Apart from that reincarnation BS.

Stoicism is much better.

Usually I do ignore them, but this was possibly the strangest thing I have ever heard to try and convert me to any religion and I was genuinely interested in what they could possibly say next to back this all up.

jamez525:

Can somebody please explain to me what the hell they were on about?

Hate to say it, but they were probably smoking crack... If Jesus just wants to let us know he's coming back then why the fuck does that message usually come with a death toll attached? Seriously, if they told the Haitians that Jesus was just saying hello, they'd fucking freak...

Never did like Joho's, they try waaay too hard...

Andy_Panthro:
I prefer to convert them to atheism.

I had reasonable results with a Mormon, but my attempts with a Buddhist monk were less successful. Strangely, the Buddhist was far more close-minded, which was a touch odd to me.

Mormonism is actually easier to at least get them away from Mormonism. There was a documentary following a few of them who realized that everything in their text was not even based in a real place (they subsequently converted to other things, one to Christianity, which has real places at least). Buddhism doesn't have such clashes to exploit (if that is your aim).

I've always wanted to have a Jehovah's Witness come to my door. I'd have so much fun arguing from their perspective against... their perspective ;D

Out of all the various sub-branches of Christianity, there is one thing, and one thing alone that they can all agree upon. That thing is that Jenova Jehova's Witnesses are batshit crazy. So pay them no mind, and just chase them away as per any other door-to-door bible thumpers.

Mormons aren't the same as Jehovah Witnesses. (JW are scaaaaaaaaary.)

Both sects aren't Christian either. Christianity is based off salvation by God's grace only, so that no one can boast, which means, no matter how much work you do, you'll never get any closer to heaven. JW go door to door because they believe that is a work they must do to gain salvation and therefore, get to heaven. Mormons do that also, but in slightly different way, (that's for another thread).

As Khell_Sennet said...CRAZY.

I have a friend that put a notice on their door that read approximately, "No Mormons or Jehovah Witnesses". They'll go anywhere.

More Fun To Compute:
There has been a lot of seismic activity recently. Unfortunately for the bible bashers it is because tectonic plates are colliding in such a way that a lot of energy needs to be released and not because of legions of angels.

Its actually Bible Thumpers, bible bashers are against the bible.

jamez525:
Just a warning before I start, I am tired and there is a good chance this wont make a lot of sense.

Basically this morning (at some stupidly early time) I had a couple of Jehovah's witnesses at the door who said something about Jesus having an army of angels and that they study earthquakes and apparently there are so many major earthquakes at the moment because Jesus is showing us that he is ready to complete his plan for humanity or something along those lines.

Can somebody please explain to me what the hell they were on about?

Yeah, I can. [Sarcasm] Jehovah's witnesses have confused God causing Earthquakes to signal the end of days for Chuck Norris signaling that he wants to feed! It's a common mistake by doomsday groups, what with Chuck Norris being a god himself. [/Sarcasm]

In all honesty though, people will always point to catastrophes and say "OMG! END OF DAYS!" It's just a coincidence due to the always moving tectonic plates.

Lady Nilstria:
Both sects aren't Christian either. Christianity is based off salvation by God's grace only, so that no one can boast, which means, no matter how much work you do, you'll never get any closer to heaven. JW go door to door because they believe that is a work they must do to gain salvation and therefore, get to heaven. Mormons do that also, but in slightly different way, (that's for another thread).

That's not how it works.

Go therefore and make disciples of people of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the holy spirit,

The spirit of the Sovereign Lord Jehovah is upon me, for the reason that Jehovah has anointed me to tell good news to the meek ones. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to those taken captive and the wide opening [of the eyes] even to the prisoners; 2 to proclaim the year of goodwill on the part of Jehovah and the day of vengeance on the part of our God; to comfort all the mourning ones

"Jehovah's spirit is upon me, because he anointed me to declare good news to the poor, he sent me forth to preach a release to the captives and a recovery of sight to the blind, to send the crushed ones away with a release, 19 to preach Jehovah's acceptable year."

They believe they were commanded to, but it's not essential to salvation (AFAIK).

jamez525:

Can somebody please explain to me what the hell they were on about?

They are trying to strong-arm you into thier belief through a vieled threat of cosmic violence against you.

So... business as usual I guess.

I don't listen to them. Because if I do my head starts to hurt from over thinking how such a thing would be plausible. Then I would remember that such an explanation are for people who seek easily understood answers from anyone instead of reality, which is worlds more complicated.

I just like to hand them a Scientology pamphlet. Makes them disappear rather quickly.

yeah, jehovah's witnesses are among the sects i never bothered to study (or even wiki) about since they never bothered me/considered them important in any way.

so i'd like to know what these guys believe in, what's the story and why do they ahve to go door to door like an annoying salesman?

jamez525:
I probably wouldn't have bothered with the Buddhist since as far as I can tell Buddhism is actually quite sensible.

I wouldn't say that Buddhism is sensible.

It has various branches, and they are all a little different from the "new-age buddhism" we see from time to time.

Lots of strange traditions, beliefs and contradictions, like all religions. Hence my atheism.

They have little leaflets that say to come to the community center to prepare for huge natural disasters....I don't go...so I dunno. Sorry

Andy_Panthro:

jamez525:
I probably wouldn't have bothered with the Buddhist since as far as I can tell Buddhism is actually quite sensible.

I wouldn't say that Buddhism is sensible.

It has various branches, and they are all a little different from the "new-age buddhism" we see from time to time.

Lots of strange traditions, beliefs and contradictions, like all religions. Hence my atheism.

"new Age" Buddhism is a mostly media driven stereotype. And the differences between the sects aren't really disagreements but just differences in teaching method. Also most are atheistic. And I think it is quite sensible since it doesn't proclaim to have the answers of the universe, and is (usually) accepting of science.

i absolutely hate when people try to convert me, i have my beliefs you have yours, theres no need to try to change each others, id rather have a mutual respect for personal beliefs than someone feeling its their responsibility to tell me im wrong

Never argue with Jehova's Witnesses. Not because they will drag you down to their level and defeat you through experience, but because they're inhabiting an entirely different world. A world where logic does not exist.

Arguing with a JH is like talking to a brick wall. A brick wall that has the ability to turn the pages of the book and quote the Bible.

Just ask them politely to go away and if they can add you to their 'black book' (addresses deemed beyond salvation for the time being). Because, and this has been told to me by a former Jehova's Witness, if you argue with them, they will note you down as 'possibly interested' at best and 'target for conversion' at worst.

I'm all for discussing theological arguments. I'm all for discussing the Scripture. But I never mess with JW's. I like my early mornings peaceful.

Lady Nilstria:
Mormons aren't the same as Jehovah Witnesses. (JW are scaaaaaaaaary.)

Both sects aren't Christian either. Christianity is based off salvation by God's grace only, so that no one can boast, which means, no matter how much work you do, you'll never get any closer to heaven. JW go door to door because they believe that is a work they must do to gain salvation and therefore, get to heaven. Mormons do that also, but in slightly different way, (that's for another thread).

As Khell_Sennet said...CRAZY.

I have a friend that put a notice on their door that read approximately, "No Mormons or Jehovah Witnesses". They'll go anywhere.

Mormons do not believe that you are saved by doing good works. The belief is that one will be saved by grace, but only after all that they can do to live like God wants. Doing good works means trying to live a good life, you know "Love the Lord thy God" and "Love thy neighbor as thyself", but this does not equal entry into God's presence after death. God's grace does that, because all humans are mortal and imperfect.

Yeah, I used to find that meeting their gaze squarely ad delivering the charming phrase "get off my fucking property" and then heaving the door shut on them would get rid. I find anyone actively believing that the recent earthquakes are anything other than natural tectonic plate movement (and that includes hysteria about the US having some sort of mega weapon to terrorise people) to be a asshole who isn't worth listening to.

Keep in mind that you are not obliged to open your door if these people come knocking and if you find yourself uncomfortable being confronted with them then just don't allow a foot in the door. I also found "you don't want me, I'm queer" to remove myself from any door knocking on my estate.

I remember as a child listening and laughing on the stairs as my late grandmother, an Anglican, spent 20 minutes completely demolishing just about everything a Jehovah's Witness talked about when they called round. Ah, happy times. After a close run-in with a Seventh-Day Adventist when I accidentally implied Jesus Christ was equivalent to Hitler, I stopped debating with people who called upon me to join their faith.

Agema:
I remember as a child listening and laughing on the stairs as my late grandmother, an Anglican, spent 20 minutes completely demolishing just about everything a Jehovah's Witness talked about when they called round.

Compared to my mother, your Grandmother was a talented amateur. She once had some JWs on the doorstep for well over an hour debating theology. Surprisingly enough we were never bothered again.

jamez525:
Just a warning before I start, I am tired and there is a good chance this wont make a lot of sense.

Basically this morning (at some stupidly early time) I had a couple of Jehovah's witnesses at the door who said something about Jesus having an army of angels and that they study earthquakes and apparently there are so many major earthquakes at the moment because Jesus is showing us that he is ready to complete his plan for humanity or something along those lines.

Can somebody please explain to me what the hell they were on about?

The scripture I'm sure the JW's were reffering to is in the Book Revelations I don't have chapter verse commited to memory and the Olivet discourse, but going to the JW's claims that the increase of earthquakes and wars, famine their usual speech is based on the Olivet discourse Jesus told his disciples for signs of his return.
But there is no proof earthquakes are on the raise, earthquake activity has peaks and lows. A good person to listen on JW's is Tim Kilgore he has a channel of Youtube, look him up. Or you can simply quote the bible something JW's do constantly
The Gospel of Mark Chapter 13, verse 32 -"No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." say no thank you if your not interested with studying with them and close your door.

But beware as stated above if you quote scripture or show that you have any knowledge in the Bible or God or Jesus they will pounce on it and maybe come back to your house

Preacher: And god said unto his believers give all your worldly possessions to my servant on earth.(preacher obviously)
Crowd: hallelujah(as they hand up their wallets and car keys)
Preacher: God then said we must all share ourselves with one another, so please allow your underage daughters and wives to come sleep in my tent tonight.
Crowd: hallelujah, sing bible hymns all night right?
Preacher: And on this date during this time the world will end and those angels the jehovah people were talking about will rise and.... you should drink the kool-aid
Crowd: .... did god say that
Preacher: ugh... yeah of course, forgot that part
Crowd: hallelujah

A history of every apocalypse preacher that ever existed in one sermon. Even if the apocalypse does come to pass these guys are just taking wild guesses from the social atmosphere and environmental catastrophes. The worst part is these guys didn't even have the balls to ask for you wallet first.;]

they probably weren't even Jehovah's Witnesses... probably just high

mcgroobber:
i absolutely hate when people try to convert me, i have my beliefs you have yours, theres no need to try to change each others, id rather have a mutual respect for personal beliefs than someone feeling its their responsibility to tell me im wrong

That's why I'm a Unitarian Universalist.

My neighbor's are Jehova's Witnesses'. They're genuinlly nice people, and seem to have some sort of aura that repels other Jehova's Witnessses from our house. Well, after they found out what we were.

That's funny! Lol, those guys are just plain crazy! Most of the time I try to avoid them, but sometimes I need a good laugh.

jamez525:
Just a warning before I start, I am tired and there is a good chance this wont make a lot of sense.

Basically this morning (at some stupidly early time) I had a couple of Jehovah's witnesses at the door who said something about Jesus having an army of angels and that they study earthquakes and apparently there are so many major earthquakes at the moment because Jesus is showing us that he is ready to complete his plan for humanity or something along those lines.

Can somebody please explain to me what the hell they were on about?

Yeah, nothing you said is even close to the beliefs of JWs. That just a bunch of nonsense.

Actually, if anyone has any real questions about them, I was raised one, and have a pretty good grasp of what theyre about.

Valksy:
Keep in mind that you are not obliged to open your door if these people come knocking and if you find yourself uncomfortable being confronted with them then just don't allow a foot in the door. I also found "you don't want me, I'm queer" to remove myself from any door knocking on my estate.

You see, you say you are not obliged to open your door, but when they knock 4-5 times, quite early in the morning it does seem like it might be important.

Also, thanks to all the people offering me advice on how to deal with JW's, thats not what I wanted to know anyway but its the thought that counts i suppose.

Darwins_Folly:

Yeah, nothing you said is even close to the beliefs of JWs. That just a bunch of nonsense.

Actually, if anyone has any real questions about them, I was raised one, and have a pretty good grasp of what theyre about.

I assumed these weren't the average beliefs of JW's, after all, it is completely mental.

I am quite interested to hear other peoples beliefs, so if you could briefly explain to me what JW's are about that would be brilliant.

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