Polygamy or Monogamy?
Polygamy
5.4% (20)
5.4% (20)
Monogamy
43.5% (162)
43.5% (162)
Both, depends on the situation
40.6% (151)
40.6% (151)
Neither, LOVE IS DEAD
9.7% (36)
9.7% (36)
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Poll: Polygamy or Monogamy?

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So... The question of the day!! Does polygamy work? Does monogamy work? Does polygamy not work ever? Does monogamy not work ever? Can both work depending on who is involved? Is there no such thing as love to begin with so we don't have to worry about silly questions like this?

For me, I think both can work depending on the situation. If you get people that are more single person relationship by nature, and they work really well together, and both want it monogamous then that works. If everything is the other way, then polygamy works.

Note: If you vote any of the first three options, please understand that I am asking about relationships under ideal circumstances. I am not talking about forced marriages, power imbalances, sociopaths in relationships, stupid people, cheaters, stalkers, or liars. These assume that the people involved in the relationship are smart, good friends, and good lovers.

Edit: This is talking about a normal relationship. One with problems, but where the people involved are willing and able to work out these problems. The people in the above list are, to my knowledge, incapable of working out problems in a relationship. People that are smart, good friends, and good lovers, are able to work out a relationship. (sure it might still fail, but that isn't the point of the poll, unless you choose option 4.)

dragonswarrior:

Note: If you vote any of the first three options, please understand that I am asking about relationships under ideal circumstances. I am not talking about forced marriages, power imbalances, sociopaths in relationships, stupid people, cheaters, stalkers, or liars. These assume that the people involved in the relationship are smart, good friends, and good lovers.

Aren't you just eliminating all the options other than Polygamy? No relationship is perfect or even ideal. Couples run into issues and adding additional people into the mix adds more issues. I don't think most people are mature enough for a relationship let alone multiple relationships.

My Vote: Monogamy.

I voted both, depending on the situation.

As puce said, people are not perfect. NOBODY is perfect. Sure, it is very possible to have more than two people in a relationship and for everyone to be happy, but every time you add another person to the mix the chances of unhappiness increases.

So long as everyone is content and happy, I see nothing wrong with it, however I find it extremely unlikely to work long term.

overpuce:

dragonswarrior:

Note: If you vote any of the first three options, please understand that I am asking about relationships under ideal circumstances. I am not talking about forced marriages, power imbalances, sociopaths in relationships, stupid people, cheaters, stalkers, or liars. These assume that the people involved in the relationship are smart, good friends, and good lovers.

Aren't you just eliminating all the options other than Polygamy? No relationship is perfect or even ideal. Couples run into issues and adding additional people into the mix adds more issues. I don't think most people are mature enough for a relationship let alone multiple relationships.

My Vote: Monogamy.

I didn't think so. Smart people will get over momentary bouts of stupidity, stupid people won't.

I guess that was sort of what I was trying to get at. Smart people will WORK on the problems that naturally arise in a relationship (whatever the form of that relationship may be.). Stupid people won't do that, which is why they don't count for the purposes of this poll.

Craorach:
I voted both, depending on the situation.

As puce said, people are not perfect. NOBODY is perfect. Sure, it is very possible to have more than two people in a relationship and for everyone to be happy, but every time you add another person to the mix the chances of unhappiness increases.

So long as everyone is content and happy, I see nothing wrong with it, however I find it extremely unlikely to work long term.

I think you've just started the basis for a theory of relationship entropy. As time passes and the number of parties involved increases, relationship entropy increases

dragonswarrior:
I didn't think so. Smart people will get over momentary bouts of stupidity, stupid people won't.

I guess that was sort of what I was trying to get at. Smart people will WORK on the problems that naturally arise in a relationship (whatever the form of that relationship may be.). Stupid people won't do that, which is why they don't count for the purposes of this poll.

Not every relationship works out. They're complex and they DO require a lot of work at times. Increasing the number of people increases the possibily of irreparable issues occurring.

Well, I'd go with both. People are very different and something that works for one person, might not work for another. Or, you could just say 'Fuck this' and not be in any kind of relationship ;)

Captcha: Easy as Cake

Monogamy.

Why?

Pologamy is nothing but "legalized" infidielity in my eyes.

BOOM headshot65:
Monogamy.

Why?

Pologamy is nothing but "legalized" infidielity in my eyes.

But if everyone involved is happy with it, it can hardly be called infidelity can it.

I can't say I'd ever be comfortable with it, at least I don't think I would, but that's me. People's relationships are ultimately nobody's business but the consenting adults involved.

Edit: how the hell do I type allied instead of called.

For the most part at least, Monogamy. Even if our almost hardwired feelings of jealousy were not such a plague on our psyche, monogamy is easier to establish, easier to maintain, and easier to work out issues without dissolving the relationship. Add a third person and the number of interpersonal relationships that must be kept intact and at least reasonably loving jumps from just one to three, add a fourth and it moves up to six, so on and so forth.

Craorach:

But if everyone involved is happy with it, it can hardly be called infidelity can it.

Lets be honest...how many people would BE happy in a pologamous relationship. Because I have only met like 3 that would be (and they were all on the internet), while I have met many, MANY more that would dislike it to holding the same view as me.

People's relationships are ultimately nobody's business but the consenting adults involved.

Usually I am that way, but this is one of the only ones where my "live-and-let-live" ideals fall apart. Why? Because generally, it is a man with multiple wives, thus invoking my "Sex is sexist toward women." responce. If you want to be gay? Fine, whatever. Sex out of wedlock? So long as you are married in all but name, whatever. The only things relationship-wise I REALLY get mad over are one-night stands and pologamy.

Quick fact: Less then 3% of mammals are monogamous.

BOOM headshot65:

Lets be honest...how many people would BE happy in a pologamous relationship. Because I have only met like 3 that would be (and they were all on the internet), while I have met many, MANY more that would dislike it to holding the same view as me.

That really depends upon the people involved. In the village I grew up in there was a house with a 3 old retired people living in it. They'd moved into the house years before, when they came down from their city living jobs, and had been together as long as anyone knew. At the funeral for one of them it became very clear that they were in a polygamous relationship.. some people behaved all shocked, but what was important is that these people were happy.

I'd say pretty much the defining feature of a successful adult relationship is that everyone is happy enough to remain in it. Every relationship has its rough patches and minor disagreements. Polygamy simply has another obstacle to overcome if the people involved want it.

If doesn't matter how many people would be happy, if they are consenting adults, that is the end of it.

I honestly don't know what to say in response to your second point.... other than what?!?

yeti585:
Quick fact: Less then 3% of mammals are monogamous.

So? I think that if Cranes and Macaws can stay with the same mate for thier lifetime, a Human can.

Craorach:
I honestly don't know what to say in response to your second point.... other than what?!?

Yeah, I get that alot. I say that sex is sexist toward women, then people start breaking out the question marks. Basically, what I mean by that is feminist and women said in the 70's and 80's that they wanted to be treated as equals and not as sex objects[1], so I obliged them. The only reason I will ever have sex is because I want a child. Other than that, then I have become less than gentlemanly because I any other purpose of sex as being sexist toward women.

[1] something modern feminist in the US seems hellbent on reversing, what with demanding "reproductive rights" and "Contraception" and other things that will degrade them back into sex objects

I desire a monogamous relationship. I just think that polygamy is a thing of the past at this point. Women no longer need men to live well, men no longer can or should measure their worth by their number of wives. The old reasons for the largely romanceless system are all gone. Monogamy is a very modern idea, and it suits the modern world and the situations that arise within it. There really is no valid reason to support polygamy anymore beyond the obvious just letting people do what they do, and that is a weak argument really.

Edit- I just saw that 50% of divorces thing show up, so I feel like putting that in my comment.

The percentage of marriages that ends in divorce is a meaningless statistic in the long run that is absolutely terrible to draw conclusions from. The number of divorces for every thousand marriages is a far better statistic.

Monogamy, it encourages much more sensual and romantic union between partners and is much safer, the more active partners you have, the easier it is for diseases and such to spring out of control.

Though I'm not the best role model as I've never had a dedicated romantic partner, just an assortment of physical partners.

I think a lot of people are getting confused by the word polygamy when what the topic is really supposed to be about is polyamory.

Polygamy = a man with multiple wives.

Polyamory = multiple people in a relationship.

Personally, I'm all for polyamory. I don't think I could ever do it myself as, to be quite honest, I'm not that interested in relationships in general (all that lovey dovey crap makes my skin genuinely crawl). However, I see no issue with other people being in polyamorous relationships and if it works for them, great. If it doesn't... well, 50% of marriages apparently end in divorce, so it's not as if monogamy is the only sure-fire way to happiness.

BOOM headshot65:

Lets be honest...how many people would BE happy in a pologamous relationship. Because I have only met like 3 that would be (and they were all on the internet), while I have met many, MANY more that would dislike it to holding the same view as me

Considering how frowned upon polygamy is, how do you know there aren't people who are polygamist but who lie about it to avoid social stigma?

Usually I am that way, but this is one of the only ones where my "live-and-let-live" ideals fall apart. Why? Because generally, it is a man with multiple wives thus invoking my "Sex is sexist toward women." responce.

So grown women are incapable of making their own decisions about the types of relationships they enter into?

Basically, what I mean by that is feminist and women said in the 70's and 80's that they wanted to be treated as equals and not as sex objects so I obliged them.

So instead you treat our entire gender as a collective, ignoring what any individual woman wants if her desires go against what those others said? Hint: choosing how to treat people based on their gender, rather than dealing with them as individuals, is sexist.

at first polygamy seems rather....ugghhh

but then again (assuming Im one of the wives) it might not be so bad..I wouldn't have to carry the relationship, I dont think I get jelous, and I might get more "me" time

but realistically Id probly prefer a "normal" relationship

I voted Both because I believe that yeah, they can both work depending in the situation. Both being monogamy and polyamory.

That being said, it's not something I personally believe in and it damn sure isn't something I could participate in.

More power to everyone else who can and probably do.

Polygamy sure seemed to work in the Bible, so why not for me? *trollface*

But no, seriously, I think both could work, but I'd never choose polygamy as a first option. More like if I had to to be with who I wanted. I think polygamy is less likely to succeed due to jealously and time anyway. And getting 3+ people to get along is harder than getting 2 people to get along.

Vault101:
at first polygamy seems rather....ugghhh

but then again (assuming Im one of the wives) it might not be so bad..I wouldn't have to carry the relationship, I dont think I get jelous, and I might get more "me" time

but realistically Id probly prefer a "normal" relationship

Then the inverse where you have multiple husbands would probably be something of a nightmare, eh?

Imagine polygamous marriages with the advent of womens lib....

Your married to 3 women, who are each married to 3 men, who are each married to 3 women.....

Oh god the family tree would be a mess! Imagine the reunions!

Today's society practices polygamy with one person at a time. Who here honestly waits for marriage anymore? Even two forever-alone types get together, they go at it long before they'll ever consider being married.

Polygamy can work for some people, and not for others. Same with monogamy.

Personally, I just can't see myself being able to do poly. I'm not good at sharing, so when I'm in a relationship that ass is MINE!

Plus I'd have the paranoia that the other two would like each other more than me and would leave me.

Honestly i don't see any reason to say one of them would NEVER be better than the other, but i think the way we're raised in the western world to idealize the idea of "the one" polygamy would just not work out for most people.

And as i saw mentioned earlier the issues in relationships would just get enhanced and/or multiplied over time so while some might want to try polygamy for a bit of after-dark fun i believe they'd quickly want to go back to the "normal" relationship model.

EDIT: I voted both though 'cause i kept thinking of it in something like a legal sense, but like i said in my post i think even if you have both options legally available most people would still end up in monogamy.

I just can't imagine a scenario where either men or women would be happy with their partner kissing or having sex with another person.

Laying aside the far-out practitioners of either one, and the loveless who are better off alone, I'd say everyone has different notions of fidelity, honor, loyalty, family, (cars...). I know some in all three camps, and each is happy in their own way. "The One" is a poisonous lie we've all taught each other to make monogamy easier to impose, but that doesn't make monogamy inherently wrong.
I'm all jumbled on this, and can't really tell what's best.

dragonswarrior:
Does polygamy work?

Sure.

dragonswarrior:
Does monogamy work?

Sure.

dragonswarrior:
Does polygamy not work ever?

What? No.

dragonswarrior:
Does monogamy not work ever?

What? No.

dragonswarrior:
Can both work depending on who is involved?

Sure.

dragonswarrior:
Is there no such thing as love to begin with so we don't have to worry about silly questions like this?

Crap.

Glad to help out.

If everyone involved prefers polygamy and does not get jealous then the big problem will just be the complexity of the relation ship and that will depend on the structure of the relationship.
If the relationship has all parties interacting and with equal power in the relation ship then then complexity can be modeled as the minimum number of one way edges needed to connect n nodes where n is the number of people in the relationship. This is n(n-1), so for 2 people this will be 2(fairly simple), for 3 people it will be 6(3 times as complex as 2 people), for 4 people it will be 12(6 times as complex as 2 people) and it will continue to grow in complexity exponentially.
If it is organized in the other extreme where either only one person is interacting with all others or one person has authority over all others then the complexity is closer to the number of one way edges needed to connect all of the secondary nodes to the primary node and the primary node to all of the secondary nodes. This is 2(n-1), so 2 people would be 2, 3 would be 4, 4 would be 6, and so on. This is a much less complex structure, has linear complexity growth and would be much easier to maintain, though still more complex then a relationship with just 2 people. There are many relationship structures in between these to extremes that can be modeled similarly and this is just the minimum complexity which can be added to by one or more partners emotions or jealousies.

JayElleBee:
Polygamy = a man with multiple wives.

Polyamory = multiple people in a relationship.

Polygamy = a marriage which includes more than two partners
polygyny = man is married to more than one wife
Polyamory = having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved

Mortai Gravesend:

Then the inverse where you have multiple husbands would probably be something of a nightmare, eh?

gaaaahhh...dealing with the emotional needs of one person was enough for me :/.....

Monogamy, because why the hell would I want to have to deal with more than one boyfriend or husband? One gets annoying enough!

Darknacht:
Polygamy = a marriage which includes more than two partners
polygyny = man is married to more than one wife
Polyamory = having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved

Curses, I knew I got the terminology wrong.

BOOM headshot65:
Monogamy.

Why?

Pologamy is nothing but "legalized" infidielity in my eyes.

Assuming you believe you can only be faithful to one person, yes. But in life, we rarely serve only one master, so to speak.

I prefer monogamy, and I'm going to stick with that.

But if people are in a happy polygamous relationship, I'm not gonna be the guy to tell them what they're doing is somehow wrong just because I don't agree with it.

I only have a problem with polygamy if someone tries using it to justify cheating. If you want multiple partners at once, that's fine. Just make sure that all of those people know and are okay with that or you're just being an asshole.

I'd only be comfortable in a monogamous relationship, but it's whatever floats your boat. As long as the polygamy is consensual and doesn't involve spousal or child abuse or something like that, I don't see why I should give a fuck.

yeti585:
Quick fact: Less then 3% of mammals are monogamous.

Other quick fact: More than 0% are.

Maybe we're part of the three percent. Why not?

Also, who the hell in modern society would want to inflict multiple partners on themselves? I mean, imagine the hell you'd go through if the others got mad at each other.

Vault101:

Mortai Gravesend:

Then the inverse where you have multiple husbands would probably be something of a nightmare, eh?

gaaaahhh...dealing with the emotional needs of one person was enough for me :/.....

Your would-be husbands will be so disappointed D=

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