I need help either building confidence or figuring out how to deal with a social situation

My step father, who was arrested about 6 or so years ago, has got out of prison today, and my mother picked him up.

Now he's back in the house. When he left, the last memories I've had of him were drunken tirades, breaking my nose, verbal abuse, random acts of shoving, blaming my brother and I for stuff we didn't do, hitting my mother (she only told me recently), and generally being kind of a prick. He had his moments of being alright, but the majority seemed to range from minor annoyance to outright abusive.

He was arrested when I was about 18. Now I'm 24, we moved house, I helped my mother build and fix the house, I paid for stuff in this house, and my younger brother, mother and I have generally survived on our own for so long.

Since he's been back today, I haven't had the courage to leave my own room. I have anxiety as it is, making social situations really tough, but add that on top of a person who has done so much wrong in the past, I'm on the verge of a panic attack. Everytime I even think about going downstairs and seeing him, even if I don't plan on talking to him, I start to panic.

I'm not sure how to approach this. Or what to do, say, think. I mean, I'm a fucking adult and I can't manage to bring myself downstairs to eat. My anxiety could get pretty bad at times in the past, but this is scary to deal with.

I think you can only find help with professionals for something like this. I doubt anyone online can help you by just saying some words. =/

sanquin:
I think you can only find help with professionals for something like this. I doubt anyone online can help you by just saying some words. =/

I know, I just didn't have a lot of places to turn to in the short term. The good news is that I did eventually get over moving around my own home, even talked to him for a bit, but I can't shake the feeling of resentment.

I guess I expected an immediate solution to something that takes time.

DeliveryGodNoah:
I know, I just didn't have a lot of places to turn to in the short term. The good news is that I did eventually get over moving around my own home, even talked to him for a bit, but I can't shake the feeling of resentment.

I guess I expected an immediate solution to something that takes time.

Imo that's not your fault. Today's culture is all about the immediate, through the internet and smartphones and such. Anyway, I doubt you'll get over your resentment any time soon, if at all. To be honest, I don't think I would ever lose my resentment for a man that did the things he did. And I find it baffling that your mother took him back.

 

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