Should I stay or move?
Stay!
31.6% (6)
31.6% (6)
Move!
15.8% (3)
15.8% (3)
I don't know either.
21.1% (4)
21.1% (4)
Bacon!
26.3% (5)
26.3% (5)
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Poll: Poll: Love or Friendship? Help me out!

Okay Escapists, I need help. I have a life changing decision to make. I'm gonna be upfront about this - the poll won't decide what I will do - I just want to see what you would choose and read some advice.

Here is the situation (as short as possible and hopefully not to wangsty):

I am nineteen. As soon as possible, I will visit a university (I am living in Germany, just for your information). Now, I have to decide - do I stay in the same region as I am now, with my friends (I would even live in the same place with them - it's called "Wohngemeinschaft", "living community" in german), or do I move to my girlfriend, far, far away? Of course, the whole thing is a tad more complicated. I know that she will break up if I don't move. That sounds like a dick move to get me to move, but that's really not why. She just cannot endure living in a long-distance relationship with someone she loves that much. Should we break up, we will remain friends (and yes, that actually works with people like me and her). So, do I give up my best friends, knowing that I don't easily make new ones and that those I already have are pretty awesome, or do I give up the girl I love, who is also one of my best friends
And no, she can't move here - she really can't, she is not of german origin and thus isn't allowed to move out of the region Baden-Würtemberg. She also has to care for her grandmother, who is quite sick and raised her since her parents died. So, no third option here.

Also, the cold facts: The place where I already am has better public transport, costs much less (no semester fee here) and I would still have a safety net of family and friends if something happens. Though if I move, I would have access to elite-universities (which would probably let me wait years before I could start studying...).

So... Do I break up with her, even though I HATE the thought of just "giving up" after all we went through, after all we sacrificed to make that relationship possible? Or do I give up all my friends and family and an easier way to my career for her?

Although I guess I kind of know how the poll and the advice will sound, I honestly don't know what to do. Both seem to be paths that my life could take and both seem to require a huge sacrifice.

P.S.: Sorry if my english is inadequate at times. I might be a bit rusty.

This really isn't something someone else can decide for you. It is the simple fact that we don't stand to lose anything. We also don't know all of the facts. You did what you could to summarize it, but this is quite a decision. The most I can do for you is create a pros and cons list.

What I do know is nothing really beats having people you know and trust near you at all times. Also it is nice to have someone you can just tell everything to and always get comforted. If you do break up it is going to suck for a long while. However, you are young and will bounce back and there will be plenty of other chances for love. Although if you move away, your friends will still be there. Consider if you do move in with your girlfriend and do break up(it's a possibility that needs to be planned for), then you sort of have the worst of both worlds. If I were you, I would probably regret either decision. I would go with the decision I would regret the least.

This is a tough call. I can't imagine making it. Personally, I would probably risk it and move away.

Mersadeon:

P.S.: Sorry if my english is inadequate at times. I might be a bit rusty.

Your English is better than 95 percent of the people I interact with, and I interact with thousands a day.

Hey, another German here.

Tough decision and not a lot of facts you gave us.

From my experience you will have lots of contacts to girls at the university, whereas REAL GOOD FRIENDS cannot be found that easily. My best friends are still those i met a long time before my studies.

You are still very young and you dont know much of yourself, so dont go out there and bind yourself to somebody else just yet. Yes, it sounds unromantic for you but the truth is at your age a lot of potential situations will come up to meet new GFs.

Mersadeon:

P.S.: Sorry if my english is inadequate at times. I might be a bit rusty.

First off. Every German I've met is above-average with English, but apologizes all the time for "being rusty". Stop making Americans look bad at the language, please.

Secondly, I don't know that something of this gravity can be decided by us. Conventional wisdom holds, "bros before hos." Now, not agreeing with that necessarily, but I'd probably stay with friends. A variety of loves makes life interesting, a variety of communities makes life hard. At least, that's what I think.

If it was me? (Which is what I thought the poll was asking, and what you were asking)

I would move, not just to be with your girlfriend, but to be in a new place, to be independent.

I stayed in the same city to go to college, in fact I'm still living at home. If I had moved across the country, or moved into the dorms at my school I would have had to take out a few loans, and that's the reason I didn't. But, it would have been worth it, I would be independent.

Good luck in all your endeavors.

Personally, I would not move to a location I didn't want to be in unless I was pretty sure I wanted to marry the woman I was moving for. Actually, I might not even then. I have my romantic side, but living in a place I don't want to be just to be near a woman I'm dating... she would have to be pretty spectacular to get me to make that jump. I'm not going to give up basically everything I have just to be with someone unless just by being with her I'm getting back more than I had.

Now, is this your first time going to University? Also, is the place you are at now with your friends the place where you grew up?

Because there is a danger in choosing the place your friends are because it's "safe". It's what you know. It is important to get out and explore new things.

I think you should go where you will get the best education you can afford, and friends and girlfriends shouldn't enter into the decision. You will make new friends. There will be other women. What you don't want to do is invest a lot of money and a lot of your time in an education that doesn't get you where you want to be.

Mersadeon:
she is not of german origin and thus isn't allowed to move out of the region Baden-Würtemberg.

Wait, what? Legally she can't? Germany keeps non-Germans cordoned off in specific regions? Oh shit....
(No, seriously, what is this about? That seems very strange.)

Anyway, I would say favor your career, but...Bacon. Always go with Bacon. Every time.

Letalisk: No, well, see, she isn't technically a citizen of this state. She would be, if she would give up russian citizenship, but she doesn't want to because... eh, because she doesn't want to.

Ok, so it has been decided. Again, this decision did not have anything to do with the poll or anything, that was just because I wanted to know random people's opinion. ^^

I'm moving with my friends. Well, looks like I am going to be a "real" student - living with three guys like me, having fun every day while studying. Yay. Because, you see, I had to sacrifice something.

My girlfriend broke up because of that.
Yeah, I knew she would do that... but I hoped she wouldn't. See, I know everyone my age says that, but... we had something special. Oh, and she had already prepared rings. And wanted to make the case herself. So that it looks like a companion cube. The rings are orange and blue. Yup, we are nerds. She got the idea from the internet. This wasn't supposed to be a marriage proposal, of course. But still. Feeling like the worst kind of asshole in the world.

Also, she will never talk to me again and will act like I have never existed.
I have sacrificed the girl I loved (and who was my best friend) for my education. Hope science will appriciate that.

I know I will regret this, but I just hope that it was the right thing to do.
Thanks for your advice/opinions.

Mersadeon:
So... Do I break up with her, even though I HATE the thought of just "giving up" after all we went through, after all we sacrificed to make that relationship possible? Or do I give up all my friends and family and an easier way to my career for her?

No, fuck her and fuck your friends. This is the time when you decide what's best for you. Which university do you think is better for you? Do you want to be with your family and do you think the support from them and your friends will help you? Are you willing to put yourself in debt for a possibly better education?

You need to stop thinking of this in terms of whether you should do this for her or for your friends, from this point onwards you need to think in terms of you.

 

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