Asking Her Out?

Ok, so I'm a college student in my first semester and met a pretty awesome girl who attended the same high school as me and graduated the same year but i never her whole i went there. i like her and last night i invited her to dinner when another friend had to cancel on me. she said yes and we went together. only problem is I've been trying to asked her out for the past several weeks. I only see her in person twice a week, and i Planed on asking her after class since before and during class we're both surrounded by other people and busy working in class. but the pasts several weeks something as happen to interrupt my attempt's.

now I've never done this before, the few girls I've ever wanted to date were already in long running relationships before i met them. hell one got engaged before we graduated. so this is the first Available girl i've liked.

so I'm here asking for your advice on how I should go about this, any tips on how NOT to do it? any tips in general?

lastly, I know i'm asking for a lot coming to a gaming site for girl advice (you nerds in the same boat as me ) ^.^ but I would really appreciate any help you can give me here (just kidding about the nerd bit XD)

You didn't give a whole lot of information on the girl, so we'll have to stick with general stuff. I usually just ask girls straight, but if you don't want to do that you can do something called 'seeding'.

WHAT IS SEEDING?
You mention a tempting event but do not immediately invite the woman to attend. For example: casually mention a party you're going to, talk about how cool it's going to be, and move on to other topics. Then, later in the interaction, before you're about to leave, decide to invite her to come along.

"Rachel, remember the Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld? Well, this guy is the Sushi Nazi. His menu is only two words. 'Trust me.' and he just serves you what he wants. If you don't eat it in one bite. he'll stop serving you. If you dip it in soy sauce when he asks you not to. he'll cut you off. And if you dare ask for Americanized sushi, like a California roll, he'll chew you out and kick you out. But it's worth it. because the sushi literally melts in your mouth. The guy is an artist. He never smiles. He's just driven by some compulsion to make the best sushi in the world."

After I tell the story, I may even mention that I'm going there with friends on Thursday night. The obvious and expected next step would he to ask her immediately to join us. But because its so obvious, I don't do it. I move on to other subjects and let her wonder why she wasn't invited. At the last minute I say "You know what, you should come to the Sushi Nazi with us on Thursday."

Being nonchalant helps to increase the odds of her saying yes, by avoiding the kind of pressure she might feel when she's hit on- pressure that often triggers a negative response. Mentioning the event, and then allowing her time to think about whether she wants to go before you get around to inviting her, gives her a chance to come to an affirmative decision on her own. Especially if you display your great personality and non-neediness along the way.

Having a pretext for getting together and a plan set in stone also drastically reduce the chances that she'll flake, even if she's not sure about you yet. She's more likely to come just for the experience. Tagging along to experience the best sushi in the world or check out the funniest comedian who ever lived or go to the coolest dive bar in town is a lot more tempting than just "going for coffee" or "getting together to talk sometime." which is how many guys ask women out.

And compared to an actual date, in which she's trapped all night with a stranger with high expectations, your low-pressure event is a much more appealing option. Make sure you avoid seeding with events that are complex, far away, or longer than a few hours. People are less likely to say yes to something if the cost of commitment is high.

The key then is to actually BE interesting, and have a life that other people want to experience.

Note that for this to work, she has to be attracted to you already. If she isn't already attracted to you, 'techniques' are fucking worthless. Also, if you fuck this up, remember you're asking advice from nerds on the internet and you assume the risk of taking instruction from someone with no idea what they're talking about.

Have a nice day :D

From a nerd with little experience and many regrets with love, it is best to be direct and honest.

Confidence is important. This cannot be overstated. Assume she has been waiting for you to ask her out. This does not mean overconfidence, which makes you look like a dick.

Listen. Use open questions. Be interested in the answers (yes, it is possible to make yourself interested in ANYTHING).

Be polite and ask her what she wants - never assume.

Ask her out for coffee or something non-confronting. Do this somewhere no-one can hear if you are shy. If the opportunity doesn't arise, create it by asking to speak with her privately

Say you would like to get to know her better.

Find an activity you can do together (best done over coffee) that is mutually beneficial or something you both enjoy (or both) - even if it is just studying for school.

Arrange to do that activity and build on that.

At first sight, look for some part of her appearance she has put effort into and compliment her on it. Failing that, say she looks/smells nice.

Put effort into your appearance when you go out. Obvious but is says so much.

Mimicking body language shows interest and is fairly easy to do. You will probably do this unintentionally. Try not to cross your arms or cross your legs away from her though, as these mean disinterest

DON'Ts

Don't use pick-up lines. If they work you would have succeeded without them anyway. They just display artificial confidence. Be genuinely confident.

Don't tell scripted jokes. If they are not funny it just ruins the mood. By all means find humour in the present situation however.

Don't act anything but yourself. Just try to be friendly. If you act, you lie, which damages trust.

Don't judge anything she does or says (at least initially). This can be harder than it seems as you don't want to appear aloof. Successfully doing this builds a rapport and encourages trust - the first steps to a relationship.

Don't be indecisive - this shows lack of confidence. Let her choose, if she throws it back to you, suggest desirable options. Don't just sit there saying "I don't know, what do you think?"

Don't stare at her (it makes people feel uncomfortable).

Don't insist on paying. It can make her feel like she owes you something. Offer to pay but accept her refusal and offer to split the bill.

Don't offer solutions to her problems (unless it's homework) as that requires judging (and you can judge WRONG as you don't know the whole story) ask leading questions to help her find the answer herself. Consider yourself an impartial mediator.

Congratulations on finding a nice available girl. I haven't got that far yet.

Asclepion:
You didn't give a whole lot of information on the girl, so we'll have to stick with general stuff. I usually just ask girls straight.
Have a nice day :D

sorry i just felt the OP was getting a little too long as it was, but i can go more in depth. She graduated with my class but is 2 years older than me, she moved from out of state so it interfered with schooling and held her back some. parent issues didn't help either. she's vegetarian, and used to be on the high-school wrestling team. she's confident and outgoing, she's easy to get along with and just sitting next to her for 2 months is enough to make me want to ask her out. all lot of times after class we walk together either to lunch or her car, i can only stick around for 15-20 min because i take a public bus home. but I've asked her for a ride home on some days when class was cancelled and taking the bus home would have been a 3 hour trip instead of the 20 min it really takes to get home. i found out she lives only a few streets away the first time she dropped me off. and could probably walk if I had to. (still saving to buy a car) last night i asked her to dinner a when a friend who i had had plans with couldn't make it all of a sudden, so we did go as friends, but it was still just the two of us for the better part of 2 hours... and she said "I had a lot of fun last night" when I saw her today in class.

on another note she has had a few boyfriends before, and a few girlfriends. she's Bi which doesn't bother me, but she currently has a female FWB, who she told me was really jealous that she had gone to dinner with me, to which i don't give a flying f*** about because one of the very first conversations i had with her was about that same FWB being jealous of every guy she talked to WHILE SHE WAS SLEEPING WITH OTHER GUYS Now i'm a guy who will NEVER make a move on a girl if she was already seeing somebody. like i said before now all of the girls I've ever like have been in relationships before i met them and I've made the choice the not tell them i felt anything for them. mostly because I've seen when my friends get cheated on and i will NOT knowingly inflict that on another person if i can help it. but a FWB? free game baby.

Seems to me you are overthinking things.

- You have a lot in common (same class, home town, etc)
- You walk to lunch/her car on a semi-regular basis
- She has given you a ride home
- You've been out on a pseudo-date once where "she had a lot of fun"

My advice? Don't make too big a deal of it. Ask her if she wants to grab dinner/movie/[insert option here] with you some time. Don't go professing your undying love for her, or show up with 15 dozen roses, etc, but just go and have a good time. See what happens.... But don't let things get in the way; ask her!

Follow these steps to the letter and she will give you an answer.

GET HER ALONE : if she's talking with her friends or a classmate. cut into the conversation politely " excuse me can i talk to "her" for a moment". move her away from her friends then tell her how much you enjoyed the time you've spent with her. tell her that she's interesting and that you would like to get to know her better. An if she would like to go out with you some time this week when she is available. she will answer, if she says no(thats totally fine).say "alright maybe another time" or " okay well i'll see you next class or semester". if she says yes!(which is what your going for)Tell her "Great sounds like fun, i'll see you then" or "great cant wait to see you then". then follow up if you've got the balls " Can i get your number in case anything comes up?". and she will most likely say yes. so there you go do that and your all set my man. happy hunting

TheBanMan:
Seems to me you are overthinking things.

- You have a lot in common (same class, home town, etc)
- You walk to lunch/her car on a semi-regular basis
- She has given you a ride home
- You've been out on a pseudo-date once where "she had a lot of fun"

My advice? Don't make too big a deal of it. Ask her if she wants to grab dinner/movie/[insert option here] with you some time. Don't go professing your undying love for her, or show up with 15 dozen roses, etc, but just go and have a good time. See what happens.... But don't let things get in the way; ask her!

Haha thanks for the advice, yeah i'v been looking for pitfalls and what NT to do mostly, and i get that anything over the tops would be a huge mistake, and besides i like casual, i only have one dress shirt to my name simply because i'm not into serious stuff, except when it come to friends and relationships, i'm serious bout the people i care for. you want me too i'll go to war on your behalf. that half the reason i avoided relationships in high-school, i knew they wouldn't be a serious deal and just didn't want to bother with it.

Uncleblaze:
Follow these steps to the letter and she will give you an answer.

GET HER ALONE : if she's talking with her friends or a classmate. cut into the conversation politely " excuse me can i talk to "her" for a moment". move her away from her friends then tell her how much you enjoyed the time you've spent with her. tell her that she's interesting and that you would like to get to know her better. An if she would like to go out with you some time this week when she is available. she will answer, if she says no(thats totally fine).say "alright maybe another time" or " okay well i'll see you next class or semester". if she says yes!(which is what your going for)Tell her "Great sounds like fun, i'll see you then" or "great cant wait to see you then". then follow up if you've got the balls " Can i get your number in case anything comes up?". and she will most likely say yes. so there you go do that and your all set my man. happy hunting

Ha, getting her alone have been a pain,back in September and October i never had a problem with it, com November when i decided to make a move suddenly every Tuesday or Thursday has something come up, classmate interruptions, her or me not in that day, her having plans after class and having to leave early instead of chatting. yeah it's been hard. hell the only reason that dinner date was a pseudo-date was because she was out the Tuesday i was going to ask, she texted me that she's be out and to jot down what she missed. i called up a friend and asked if he's go with me instead, wouldn't have been a nice restaurant like with her but a McDonald's, he said he couldn't go so i said "f*** it" and asked her to dinner anyway but told it her it was a last minute change of plans because i had to do it over a text msg. I want to do this FACE-to FACE and that's been part of the problem. which is probably why i made this thread, the longer I have to wait to get that shot the more stressed out it i get and the more nervous i get.

but thank you guys your advice is much appreciated all of you! ^.^

dystopiaINC:
Ok, so I'm a college student in my first semester and met a pretty awesome girl who attended the same high school as me and graduated the same year but i never her whole i went there. i like her and last night i invited her to dinner when another friend had to cancel on me. she said yes and we went together. only problem is I've been trying to asked her out for the past several weeks. I only see her in person twice a week, and i Planed on asking her after class since before and during class we're both surrounded by other people and busy working in class. but the pasts several weeks something as happen to interrupt my attempt's.

now I've never done this before, the few girls I've ever wanted to date were already in long running relationships before i met them. hell one got engaged before we graduated. so this is the first Available girl i've liked.

so I'm here asking for your advice on how I should go about this, any tips on how NOT to do it? any tips in general?

lastly, I know i'm asking for a lot coming to a gaming site for girl advice (you nerds in the same boat as me ) ^.^ but I would really appreciate any help you can give me here (just kidding about the nerd bit XD)

It ok man, dont worry about the nerd thing,I think it is a compliment. And I never dated myself. But over all you just need to man up and if you want to pursue a girl then go for it :). If she rejects you then move on.

dystopiaINC:
Ok, so I'm a college student in my first semester and met a pretty awesome girl who attended the same high school as me and graduated the same year but i never her whole i went there. i like her and last night i invited her to dinner when another friend had to cancel on me. she said yes and we went together. only problem is I've been trying to asked her out for the past several weeks. I only see her in person twice a week, and i Planed on asking her after class since before and during class we're both surrounded by other people and busy working in class. but the pasts several weeks something as happen to interrupt my attempt's.

Do you two know each other well?

Do you share any interests?

What do you have in common?

It's not essential that you two be identical to each other in every way (my girlfriend and I disagree on a lot of stuff but that doesn't stop us from being very close and loving each other) but it helps to have at least some common ground between you (even if only a little bit).

so I'm here asking for your advice on how I should go about this, any tips on how NOT to do it? any tips in general?

The only advice I could honestly give is just go ahead and ask her plainly.

It doesn't need to be a grand specticle or dramatic announcement and it's completely normal and understandable if you're nervous or anxious (it'd be strange or a sign you don't like her that much if you weren't).

If you're more comfortable with it then it might be a good idea to ask if you can talk to her in private in order to ask her but above all else remember this, nothing bad will happen.

You're not going to get laughed at or ridiculed or made fun of (the worst case scenario is just her saying 'no', it's sad and upsetting but you will recover and survive).

lastly, I know i'm asking for a lot coming to a gaming site for girl advice (you nerds in the same boat as me ) ^.^ but I would really appreciate any help you can give me here (just kidding about the nerd bit XD)

Hey! Don't knock the appeal of nerdiness, according to my girlfriend quite a few women like nerdy guys (apparantly it's cute).

I asked two weeks ago, we were talking in private about random stuff after our last class together for the semester.

the answer i got wasn't so bad as a plain no. she said "in case you haven't noticed yet, i have a really bad track record" and she mention that she works full time in addition to school it wouldn't be fair om me...

I'm really not worried about the lack of time because of school and work, but she kind of has a unlucky history with cheaters and crazies. i get that. i'm going to see a movie with her when we can both get some free time. probably next week. maybe she thought about it.

i figured it would be worse after i got a little story from her about what she'd been dealing with at the moment. At the time she was having problems with another girl. The other girl was living one of her ex-girlfriends, and by living together i mean sharing a bed sort of living. And this other girl asked her out. but refused to stop seeping with the ex-GF she's living with. like i said, bad track record with cheaters. and the whole situation was getting bad, like nasty rumor and suicide threats bad. I still asked but i wasn't really expecting anything after i got the story. I only did it because the semester was ending and i wanted to put it out there anyway.

boy was i nervous though haha, like almost panic attack nervous. trouble forming words, stuttering, trouble breathing... haha so much better to have that behind me though.

dystopiaINC:
I asked two weeks ago, we were talking in private about random stuff after our last class together for the semester.

the answer i got wasn't so bad as a plain no. she said "in case you haven't noticed yet, i have a really bad track record" and she mention that she works full time in addition to school it wouldn't be fair om me...

I'm really not worried about the lack of time because of school and work, but she kind of has a unlucky history with cheaters and crazies. i get that. i'm going to see a movie with her when we can both get some free time. probably next week. maybe she thought about it.

i figured it would be worse after i got a little story from her about what she'd been dealing with at the moment. At the time she was having problems with another girl. The other girl was living one of her ex-girlfriends, and by living together i mean sharing a bed sort of living. And this other girl asked her out. but refused to stop seeping with the ex-GF she's living with. like i said, bad track record with cheaters. and the whole situation was getting bad, like nasty rumor and suicide threats bad. I still asked but i wasn't really expecting anything after i got the story. I only did it because the semester was ending and i wanted to put it out there anyway.

boy was i nervous though haha, like almost panic attack nervous. trouble forming words, stuttering, trouble breathing... haha so much better to have that behind me though.

Nicely done! I'm happy to hear you made the move and, even if not the perfect answer, you are at least going to see her.

My advice now? Play it low key. When I was in a similar situation and the girl brought up her bad track record I just cracked a joke along the lines of "Well, I was going to suggest eloping to Vegas, but I guess a drink will suffice... for now." We both got a good laugh as she realized I wasn't asking for marriage/2 1/2 kids/white picket fence, it was just a drink.

Take it slow, let it happen as it happens and let her come around on her own terms.

All the best!

 

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