Always had a selfcomplex

So basicly, like 80% of my life i always have simply hated myself for how i looked,
and by that i mean my body, i have a bit too mutch weight and well a lot of people seem to really struggle with that.
i can honestly say where i fnally came to a point where i took more action and motivation to actually start losing that extra weight, but by all means it really isnt easy!

I feel in a sort of battle with myself everytime again, and i have a wonderful boyfriend, to my feeling the relationship is really getting serious, and he says he loves my appearance.
I know he wouldnt lie about something like that, but this part of me just doesnt believe it.

And i am not talking in a way of *Omg i cant believe he loves my appearance*
No i am talking about actually having a part of me disbelieving that, because i have build up so mutch hate towards myself i struggle really hard to believe any compliment made about my body.

Also i know he usually isnt great fan of bigger girls like that so that only adds up to my feeling of *Why the hell do you love mine then*
besides all other stress i have every day this just adds up to it, and i wonder if besides just working really hard on changing if i could do something... because right now it is simply driving me nuts.

There's nothing wrong with carrying a little extra weight - in fact the absolute ideal "healthy" weight for a woman is actually a lot higher than what people think it is these days due to the media bombardments and pressures to be skinny.
I personally prefer women with curves but don't take that as a reason to be weary of what I'm saying here - the current definition of "beauty" as determined by the diet industry who just so happens to rake in hundreds of millions a year by both manufacturing and then preying on our insecurities (in the UK alone they are worth over 1bn). The reality is that women, like men, come in all manner of shapes and sizes and the "stick-figure-with-big-boobs" look simply isn't POSSIBLE for the VAST majority of women, even WITH all the fad dieting and drastic surgical measures oh-so-kindly available for you.
But women who don't fit into this archetype are made to feel bad about themselves from all sides because women who feel about themselves fork out cash for slim-fasts and gym memberships.

There are a million, million subtle little things both in and out that contribute to beauty, so it's well within possibility that your boyfriend genuinely loves your appearance. If he's usually "not a great fan" of bigger girls that could be for any number of reasons, but it doesn't automatically mean your figure is something he's just putting up with.

http://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/
http://www.adiosbarbie.com/
http://fuckyeahfatpositive.tumblr.com/
http://www.bodypositive.com/
http://fuckyeahbodypositive.tumblr.com/
http://stophatingyourbody.tumblr.com/

Linked are a few fat-positive blogs by women (and the odd man), granted a few of those are about health rather than just body-image, but there's plenty of body-image stuff in there. Give them a once-over, you might be surprised to find you're not as reviled as you think you are. Who knows, maybe you'll come to find your issues with your body are entirely due to the way other people have treated you, rather than what you genuinely feel in yourself. Maybe in time, you'll come to see your body for the beautiful thing that it really is :)

I will surely check them out, and yes maybe some day or time i will actually start accepting myself for who and what i am.
I suppose time really just play's a very big part in all of it, and trust as well.

And well i avoid diet foods because i really dont think all that works anyway, right now i simply stopped drinking sugared or carbonated drinks, and no snacks or any of that sort.
Just need to add more exercise to my daily routine.

LadyxDevilish:
I will surely check them out, and yes maybe some day or time i will actually start accepting myself for who and what i am.
I suppose time really just play's a very big part in all of it, and trust as well.

And well i avoid diet foods because i really dont think all that works anyway, right now i simply stopped drinking sugared or carbonated drinks, and no snacks or any of that sort.
Just need to add more exercise to my daily routine.

I used to weigh 105 Kilo (210-ish pounds), now I weigh 76 Kilo (155-ish), not counting the amount of muscle I have gained, which weigh a lot more than fat. I'v hated my body for my entire life basically, and I still do. I still can't look myself in the mirror without finding some flaws, even if I now technically have an 'athelic' body and even a washboard-stomach. But if you want some suggestions, I can offer several things you can do to get in shape. As for the real problem (the one that's in your head, and mine), I can't help, because I can't help myself.

Yeah i could imagine i cant just expect to completely get rid of that... selfhating voice in my head really but any step closer to feeling a bit more "accepted" would be great.

And yeah i would accept any advice given, i am really in a part of my life where i want to turn things around so any tips and advice to help me along would be great.
In fact i bet a lot of people who struggle with these things could do with some support.

Sadly, I can't really help you with changing your state of mind, it's really almost impossible[1] to do over the internet.

I can suggest, however, that the first step on the road to fitness/acceptance of who you are is to focus less on how much you weigh, and more on how healthy you feel. Just start walking around the block a couple of times, get a feel for how much you can take, and work on increasing the distance. Your boyfriend should and almost certainly will help you along the way.

If you haven't already, start drinking more water, and try to get down to just 3 meals per day. If you start getting hunger pangs before lunch/dinner/what have you, just drink something. You'd be amazed at how effective of an appetite suppressant it is.

Good luck, do keep us updated. I'll see if I can't remember anything else helpful, my mind's been in somewhat of a fog all week.

[1] At least for me

Motiv_:
Sadly, I can't really help you with changing your state of mind, it's really almost impossible[1] to do over the internet.

I can suggest, however, that the first step on the road to fitness/acceptance of who you are is to focus less on how much you weigh, and more on how healthy you feel. Just start walking around the block a couple of times, get a feel for how much you can take, and work on increasing the distance. Your boyfriend should and almost certainly will help you along the way.

If you haven't already, start drinking more water, and try to get down to just 3 meals per day. If you start getting hunger pangs before lunch/dinner/what have you, just drink something. You'd be amazed at how effective of an appetite suppressant it is.

Good luck, do keep us updated. I'll see if I can't remember anything else helpful, my mind's been in somewhat of a fog all week.

Hehehe, thanks, well my problem lately is actually not having a appetite at all i can tell you.
And for water or any fluids for that matter i cant seem to get them to 2 litres a day, heck i even have trouble getting in 1 litre a day.
not long ago i even had the docter tell me i was Dehydrated...
i should tell the people around me to just push glass of water in my hands everytime they see me, could work?

[1] At least for me

LadyxDevilish:

Motiv_:
Sadly, I can't really help you with changing your state of mind, it's really almost impossible[1] to do over the internet.

I can suggest, however, that the first step on the road to fitness/acceptance of who you are is to focus less on how much you weigh, and more on how healthy you feel. Just start walking around the block a couple of times, get a feel for how much you can take, and work on increasing the distance. Your boyfriend should and almost certainly will help you along the way.

If you haven't already, start drinking more water, and try to get down to just 3 meals per day. If you start getting hunger pangs before lunch/dinner/what have you, just drink something. You'd be amazed at how effective of an appetite suppressant it is.

Good luck, do keep us updated. I'll see if I can't remember anything else helpful, my mind's been in somewhat of a fog all week.

Hehehe, thanks, well my problem lately is actually not having a appetite at all i can tell you.
And for water or any fluids for that matter i cant seem to get them to 2 litres a day, heck i even have trouble getting in 1 litre a day.
not long ago i even had the docter tell me i was Dehydrated...
i should tell the people around me to just push glass of water in my hands everytime they see me, could work?

Well, you definitely need to get more water or at least something liquid. If you can't stand the taste of water[2], you could always either pick up some tea or one of those low calorie sweeteners.

I would also recommend trying to pick up your appetite again, I might be reading way too much into this[3], but it's possible that your brain is subconsciously blocking your hunger due to your low self esteem. Which is not only mentally unhealthy, but psychically dangerous if it gets out of hand.

You just need to view this positively. One of my wife's friends had to go on a diet, she hated it. "Oh the sacrifices I make..." and what have you. See it as a good thing! You're taking control of your life and changing it in a way that you think will improve it. You can make it a good thing as well, if you're into cooking/baking there are loads of recipes all over the internet for delicious healthy food. Just don't buy into the "healthy" food that are so commercialized nowadays, usually they're not as advertised and if they are they're extremely expensive.

As well, I noticed

LadyxDevilish:

And well i avoid diet foods because i really dont think all that works anyway, right now i simply stopped drinking sugared or carbonated drinks, and no snacks or any of that sort.

I would recommend not thinking of them as "Diet" foods[4], in fact don't think of them as different foods at all. After all, you're just expanding your horizons and trying new food, and if you happen to lose weight in the process, all the better.

I'm sure there are support groups for this sort of thing, as I can't think of an inspirational speech or personal story or anything. All I can say is, if you're willing to make the commitment and stick to it, you'll feel loads healthier and be amazed at all the things you'll be able to do.

[1] At least for me
[2] Which happened to a friend of mine who went on a diet
[3] Not a licensed shrink, mind
[4] I'm sure you're referring to those things like slimfast, 100 calorie snack packs and the like, in which case you're smart to avoid them.

I self sabotage myself with women on a daily basis. I tell women lies about myself so they would never consider dating me. I told a women at the bars that my stomach hurt and I needed to leave. My stomach was fine and I did it because I put up walls. Everybody has something about themselves that they hate. I get pissed off even more because I know I have a problem. Thats when it sucks even more.

LadyxDevilish:
So basicly, like 80% of my life i always have simply hated myself for how i looked,
and by that i mean my body, i have a bit too mutch weight and well a lot of people seem to really struggle with that.
i can honestly say where i fnally came to a point where i took more action and motivation to actually start losing that extra weight, but by all means it really isnt easy!

I sympathize. When I was a teen I had a condition that resulted in a lot of scarring on my back and shoulders. I too went through a phase where I hated myself for how I looked.

A few things you should keep in mind:

1) Almost no one sees you the way you see yourself. You see your body every day. You live in your body. You feel it constantly. So anything you might feel like is an imperfection becomes a kind of obsession because it's hard to stop being aware of a part of your body. But other people don't think about your body the way you do. When your boyfriend looks at you, he sees your smile. He sees all the good times he's spent with you. What to you may feel like a giant glaring flaw may to him seem like just a tiny quirk.

2) Only very, very shallow people have strict appearance "deal breakers". Most of us, for the right partner, find our attitudes changing when that huge hormonal/chemical bomb of love starts going off inside us. I'm not specifically attracted to overweight women, but I have known several overweight women that I have been attracted to and dated a few of them. If your boyfriend is dating you, either he's okay with it or he has learned to like it. So let it be. I know a part of you is worried that he might not really, but that part of you is a tiny little goblin you need to not feed or else it will turn into an ogre. Everyone is insecure about something (unless they are obnoxious people who think everything about themselves is perfect), but when people feed that insecurity they become needy and draining to be around.

3) If you really don't like some aspects of yourself, you can change them to some degree. Yes, I know weight loss is hard. If it were otherwise, everyone would be malnourished super-models. But you can still do it. But rather than aspiring to be one of those impossibly-airbrushed models you see in magazines (and believe me, with Photoshop these days they are almost always airbrushed or digitally altered in some way. The reason it is so hard to look like these women is literally, they don't exist. They are not real.) try to be healthy. If you drink a lot of sugary drinks, substitute water, tea, or low-calorie fruit juice. Make sure you eat a balanced diet. Try to exercise 3 times a week. Instead of seeing the goal as, "I have to reach x weight!", see the goal as, "I want to find a way to adopt x healthy habits so that I can be a healthier, happier person." Make it about the process, not the goal. The hardest thing with weight loss (and I think more women struggle with this than men) is that rather than adopt sustainable long-term habits, too many people just crash diet to get x pounds off and then just go back to their old unhealthy habits.

Accepting yourself for who you are is one of the greater challenges in life for many. Like you and so many others, I struggle with that as well and I can relate to what you're going through.

The thing is to stop those negative thoughts in your brain. Someone once asked me once which parts I didn't like about myself. I started recounting a list and went on and on for about 5 minutes until I actually heard myself say all those negative things about myself and remarked "Whoah, that's actually kind of harsh."

You are your own toughest critic and step one to a healthier body image is to stop putting yourself down. Don't look at yourself in the mirror and bring yourself down. Just smile and focus on what you do like about your body. Chances are, you too have magnifying glasses in your eyes that seem to magnify every minor flaw into a huge problem.

Another tip I'd like to give you which may seem a bit out there, is to try running. I used to hate running with a fiery passion, but by now I've realised that it's something that gives me a LOT of positive energy, self appreciation and physical energy. There are many podcasts out there for beginners that can help you get started. Sticking with that schedule and being active can really pump up your self-image. At least, it does for me.

Please don't start dieting drastically or anything like that. It usually does more damage than good. I've stopped weighing myself a couple of months ago and it feels wonderful not to have my happiness determined by a number anymore. Just focus on whether you feel nice in your own skin, whether your clothes still fit, etc. :)

Please do know that you are beautiful the way you are and stop comparing yourself to other people, even though that's difficult. Trust your boyfriend when he tells you he thinks you're beautiful the way you are. He's right.

Hehe, wow guys all of that in a way does help, i indeed always tried making a goal of the weight i wanted instead of how i wanted to feel.
I just simply never thought about actually wanting to feel healthy instead of just losing weight.
I dont like running because well running outside just makes me insecure because i feel everyone just looks at me and judging me for it, but just because i dont want to run outside doesnt mean i cant do other things hmmm....

that part about looking at yourself and only naming negative things relly does sound like me, heck i even feel guilty if i do name something positive about myself because i then feel like i am giving myself credit for something that isnt there.

All i can say is that with some time, and support from those around me who do see me for the good i am, i should be well on my way for a good start.

LadyxDevilish:
Hehe, wow guys all of that in a way does help, i indeed always tried making a goal of the weight i wanted instead of how i wanted to feel.
I just simply never thought about actually wanting to feel healthy instead of just losing weight.
I dont like running because well running outside just makes me insecure because i feel everyone just looks at me and judging me for it, but just because i dont want to run outside doesnt mean i cant do other things hmmm....

that part about looking at yourself and only naming negative things relly does sound like me, heck i even feel guilty if i do name something positive about myself because i then feel like i am giving myself credit for something that isnt there.

All i can say is that with some time, and support from those around me who do see me for the good i am, i should be well on my way for a good start.

You know, I hated running outside too. In fact, a recent win for me was to run outside on the roads where people could see me. I never wanted to run past roads, cars, or people because it made me feel too self conscious. Which is silly. I'm a normal sized girl, yet in my mind, things are quite different ;-) I started running out in the forest where I never ran into anyone, perhaps that's something you can do? Or maybe your local gym at times when it's really quiet?

Ask yourself what you are thinking when you see someone run down the street. Don't you think "Wow, they're doing a good job" or something like it? Why would people think any different when it's you walking there? Being healthy and exercising is something to be proud of. If anything, it's a good exercise in gaining more self respect :)

This will sound terribly corny; but do try to make a mental list with the things you DO like about yourself. Perhaps you have pretty eyes, shiny hair or pretty legs. Stop mentally harassing yourself. If anyone else was this hard on you, you'd judge them for it, yet you do it to yourself all the time. If you want to improve your self-esteem, that'll have to stop.

It's a long road, but I'm sure you can do it :)

NorthernStar:

LadyxDevilish:
Hehe, wow guys all of that in a way does help, i indeed always tried making a goal of the weight i wanted instead of how i wanted to feel.
I just simply never thought about actually wanting to feel healthy instead of just losing weight.
I dont like running because well running outside just makes me insecure because i feel everyone just looks at me and judging me for it, but just because i dont want to run outside doesnt mean i cant do other things hmmm....

that part about looking at yourself and only naming negative things relly does sound like me, heck i even feel guilty if i do name something positive about myself because i then feel like i am giving myself credit for something that isnt there.

All i can say is that with some time, and support from those around me who do see me for the good i am, i should be well on my way for a good start.

You know, I hated running outside too. In fact, a recent win for me was to run outside on the roads where people could see me. I never wanted to run past roads, cars, or people because it made me feel too self conscious. Which is silly. I'm a normal sized girl, yet in my mind, things are quite different ;-) I started running out in the forest where I never ran into anyone, perhaps that's something you can do? Or maybe your local gym at times when it's really quiet?

Ask yourself what you are thinking when you see someone run down the street. Don't you think "Wow, they're doing a good job" or something like it? Why would people think any different when it's you walking there? Being healthy and exercising is something to be proud of. If anything, it's a good exercise in gaining more self respect :)

This will sound terribly corny; but do try to make a mental list with the things you DO like about yourself. Perhaps you have pretty eyes, shiny hair or pretty legs. Stop mentally harassing yourself. If anyone else was this hard on you, you'd judge them for it, yet you do it to yourself all the time. If you want to improve your self-esteem, that'll have to stop.

It's a long road, but I'm sure you can do it :)

Actually not too far from here is a forest, maybe i culd start by jumping on my bicycle and hed there, then start with a bit of running there, and see what my limits are.
Its not such a bad idea at all since i know not too many people come there.
And then maybe some day indeed run out there on the street, But i cant promise on the list with likings though hehehe but i will be sure to keep it in mind.

Running can be hard on your knees- ease into it.

Also, it may benefit you to join a gym, if you have the money and there is one convenient. Yes, gyms do come with a bit of an annoying look-at-me-compete-with-all-the-other-members-of-my-sex attention-seeking culture, but there are a lot of useful learning experiences there.

The thing is, gyms want you to come in and not ask a lot of questions, because that means they don't need to have a lot of staff. But at the same time, they want to answer your questions to show they have a service to provide you can't get on your own. So you can join a gym and milk that service. Trainers will show you how to use machines, do exercises, and possibly even help you set up a training regimen. Also, if the gym has a pool, that would be very low-impact exercise that probably won't be crowded this time of year. They might also have classes you can join that you will enjoy.

Katatori-kun:
Running can be hard on your knees- ease into it.

Also, it may benefit you to join a gym, if you have the money and there is one convenient. Yes, gyms do come with a bit of an annoying look-at-me-compete-with-all-the-other-members-of-my-sex attention-seeking culture, but there are a lot of useful learning experiences there.

The thing is, gyms want you to come in and not ask a lot of questions, because that means they don't need to have a lot of staff. But at the same time, they want to answer your questions to show they have a service to provide you can't get on your own. So you can join a gym and milk that service. Trainers will show you how to use machines, do exercises, and possibly even help you set up a training regimen. Also, if the gym has a pool, that would be very low-impact exercise that probably won't be crowded this time of year. They might also have classes you can join that you will enjoy.

Sadly i cant do any of those things, i know gym and swimming is good but im completely out of money to even stand near such buildings.
I will have to do it on myself really.

I know running can be bad on the knees, but there are several programmes out there that are designed for beginners. I'm currently following one, but it's in Dutch so I'm not sure if you'd understand ;) PM me if you want a link, though.

Basically these programs are for all ages and body types and are based on the idea that you're a total novice. They have you walk as well as jog and focus on endurance rather than speed. You're guided by the podcast and someone tells you exactly when to walk, when to run, etc.

Katatori-kun is right that it can be bad on the knees, but if you take it slow, these programmes should be okay. Of course, it's always the right idea to listen to your body and take breaks whenever needed. There's no shame in doing things in your own pace.

NorthernStar:
I know running can be bad on the knees, but there are several programmes out there that are designed for beginners. I'm currently following one, but it's in Dutch so I'm not sure if you'd understand ;) PM me if you want a link, though.

Basically these programs are for all ages and body types and are based on the idea that you're a total novice. They have you walk as well as jog and focus on endurance rather than speed. You're guided by the podcast and someone tells you exactly when to walk, when to run, etc.

Katatori-kun is right that it can be bad on the knees, but if you take it slow, these programmes should be okay. Of course, it's always the right idea to listen to your body and take breaks whenever needed. There's no shame in doing things in your own pace.

Well i am dutch sooo... haha sure Link me :D

When I got married, I weighed 185-190 lbs and my wife weighed about 150 lbs. She was overweight but not terribly so. My natural body weight should be about 150 lbs though and I could tell. I used to always be able to chase down the frisbee while playing Ultimate Frisbee with the club at my college. However, I noticed I no longer had that "extra gear" and couldn't run at my top speed anymore. So I decided to start working out and play racquetball. In the first five weeks I dropped 15 lbs and could jump about six inches higher than before. I'm now down to 155-160 lbs with some extra muscle adding to my weight. I feel fantastic now and the most athletic since I was in 7th grade.

The reason I mentioned my wife is because she started getting heavier after we got married. Of course it crushed her that I started to lose it and she started to gain it. Her job was really stressing her out and she has a thyroid condition that, if her meds aren't at the correct levels, causes her to rapidly gain weight. She weighed 202 lbs about a month ago and was terribly embarrassed because of that. She was worried that I would stop loving her or being attracted to her because she was getting fat. Of course, if she could actually read my mind she would know that I love her to death regardless of her weight. And the attraction part... Well, let's just say that's not a problem, haha. However, I encouraged her to lose the weight purely for health reasons. Because she's so short, her doctors figured she was about 70 lbs over-weight. At that stage of being over-weight, she's subjecting her heart to extra stress that can take time off of her life and I want her around for as long as possible. She started some workout DVDs and lost six pounds in one week and she hasn't weighed herself since but I can tell her belly is shrinking. She has massive stretch marks too, which also show that she's dropping that extra weight.

That all being said, listen to what your boyfriend says. If you trust him, then believe him when he says he loves you and not just your body. At the same time, I'd also advise you to keep your weight within a healthy range because it will generally improve your health in all areas. I took up racquetball as my aerobic activity and it did wonders. Find something highly active that you enjoy and stick to it. Oh, and don't stop eating to lose that weight either. If you're working out really hard, you need to eat more food and drink more water. If you don't, your bodily will go into starvation mode and store everything you eat as fat. Don't be afraid to eat a full-sized meal after a good hard workout.

Life's way too short to spend it hating yourself. That's what stupid people are for. ;)

Over the last two years I've lost about 100lbs with almost no exercise. Diet change only. I had been working 3 jobs for about 7-8 years straight and my diet included a lot of fast food crap. I finally managed to cut myself down to one really good job and freed up a lot of time. One day I realized how incredibly overweight I'd become and decided to do something about it.

First, cut out all fast food and stuff you have delivered. Cut out most pre-packed frozen food too. Get in the habit of buying fresh stuff. Start having a couple of bananas and coffee made at home for breakfast. For lunch, a deli sandwich, some watermelon, an orange, strawberries, or cut cantelope or honeydew. Dinner, meat and some fresh steamed veggies. I'm a big fan of spinach, much better for you than lettuce. My favorite salad is a spinach and chicken Caesar salad. It's fast and simple: chicken, spinach, shredded parmesan cheese, croutons and some Newman's Own Caesar salad dressing. I eat like 3-5 of those a week. Soda, no more than one 12oz can a day. Juice, 1/3 juice, 2/3 water, it still pretty much tastes the same.

Also, if you start this diet plan be aware that your urination will REALLY increase for about 10-14 days at some point early on because you will be eliminating a lot of salt and other crap from your diet. I don't recommend working out too much because it will increase your appetite. Try walking and gradually increasing the distance or carrying a backpack with some weight in it. Good luck.

Wow as mutch as i already knew more people had suck problems with themselfs as well,
seeing people actually posting it like this makes it more real, and it is comforting.
I already feel a lot more encouraged and just more confident by the support that all of you already have given me, and i started out already by drinking more water.

So with some good time, all will work out fine i believe, thanks all

One thing to try and bare in mind that what is 'attractive' is something that is almost ENTIRELY socially constructed by society.

In many parts of Africa, an attractive woman is in fact one whom has weight, and thus there are rituals in which women are fed as much as possible and pampered in preparation for marriage (I can't, sadly, remember which exact culture does this... I had a lecture on Social Anthropology at university once and saw it there); women in Feudal Japan used to blacken their teeth to attract men. There are plenty more examples of practices that people who have grown up in Western culture may see as bizarre. (although, Western culture has had dramatic shifts in the idea of 'attractive' too; just look at how we laugh at 70's hairstyle!)

Point of the matter is, there isn't really any such thing as "what is attractive"; its all subjective. Same thing with weight; the reason you dislike the way you look may have a LOT to do with the sort of society we've been brought up in.

I don't really know if this helps... but, I dunno, when I think of it that way, I kind of feel like there's no point in conforming to such ideals, when its so subjective; I've never liked conforming to societal pressures, anyway! I wore incredibly ugly cotton trousers as a child (gloriously comfortable stuff, I tells ya), and now, as an adult, I'd quite happily wear a colander as a hat if the mood takes me! (I do in fact have evidence of me wearing a colander as a hat, if you want evidence :3)

Same thing should go with looks, in my opinion; sure, make sure you don't become clinically obese (thats more a health than social issue :P), but otherwise, really, I think its far more healthy and, in some ways, far more FUN to be yourself than something that society wants you to be.

Simalacrum:
One thing to try and bare in mind that what is 'attractive' is something that is almost ENTIRELY socially constructed by society.

In many parts of Africa, an attractive woman is in fact one whom has weight, and thus there are rituals in which women are fed as much as possible and pampered in preparation for marriage (I can't, sadly, remember which exact culture does this... I had a lecture on Social Anthropology at university once and saw it there); women in Feudal Japan used to blacken their teeth to attract men. There are plenty more examples of practices that people who have grown up in Western culture may see as bizarre. (although, Western culture has had dramatic shifts in the idea of 'attractive' too; just look at how we laugh at 70's hairstyle!)

Point of the matter is, there isn't really any such thing as "what is attractive"; its all subjective. Same thing with weight; the reason you dislike the way you look may have a LOT to do with the sort of society we've been brought up in.

I don't really know if this helps... but, I dunno, when I think of it that way, I kind of feel like there's no point in conforming to such ideals, when its so subjective; I've never liked conforming to societal pressures, anyway! I wore incredibly ugly cotton trousers as a child (gloriously comfortable stuff, I tells ya), and now, as an adult, I'd quite happily wear a colander as a hat if the mood takes me! (I do in fact have evidence of me wearing a colander as a hat, if you want evidence :3)

Same thing should go with looks, in my opinion; sure, make sure you don't become clinically obese (thats more a health than social issue :P), but otherwise, really, I think its far more healthy and, in some ways, far more FUN to be yourself than something that society wants you to be.

Well yes in a very large portion you are right, but everyone wants to be just that bit more because they simply want to fit in, not to mention that a lot of clothing stores simply dont care for bigger people and you have to drag yourself all kinds of different stores to find something that fits well, or even buy it on the internet.

LadyxDevilish:
So basicly, like 80% of my life i always have simply hated myself for how i looked,
and by that i mean my body, i have a bit too mutch weight and well a lot of people seem to really struggle with that.
i can honestly say where i fnally came to a point where i took more action and motivation to actually start losing that extra weight, but by all means it really isnt easy!

I feel in a sort of battle with myself everytime again, and i have a wonderful boyfriend, to my feeling the relationship is really getting serious, and he says he loves my appearance.
I know he wouldnt lie about something like that, but this part of me just doesnt believe it.

And i am not talking in a way of *Omg i cant believe he loves my appearance*
No i am talking about actually having a part of me disbelieving that, because i have build up so mutch hate towards myself i struggle really hard to believe any compliment made about my body.

Also i know he usually isnt great fan of bigger girls like that so that only adds up to my feeling of *Why the hell do you love mine then*
besides all other stress i have every day this just adds up to it, and i wonder if besides just working really hard on changing if i could do something... because right now it is simply driving me nuts.

From a health standpoint, losing weight will do a lot for you. For example, reduce your risk of heart attack, stroke, diabetes, hypertension, and even some forms of cancer. Plus, exercise releases endorphin into your brain, which makes you happier and more focused. So, no matter who you are, and what you weigh, you should work out because it's good for you.

The honest truth about your appearance is that you will always have some some self-doubt about it. You need to realize that you are beautiful just the way you are, and that your personality is the most attractive thing about you. The guy you're dating is with you because of you.

If you want to lose weight, do it because it's something that you want to do, and do it for you, not anyone else.

I'm rooting for you, you can do this, and things will get better. Just remember to look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are beautiful, because you are.

LadyxDevilish:

Simalacrum:
One thing to try and bare in mind that what is 'attractive' is something that is almost ENTIRELY socially constructed by society.

In many parts of Africa, an attractive woman is in fact one whom has weight, and thus there are rituals in which women are fed as much as possible and pampered in preparation for marriage (I can't, sadly, remember which exact culture does this... I had a lecture on Social Anthropology at university once and saw it there); women in Feudal Japan used to blacken their teeth to attract men. There are plenty more examples of practices that people who have grown up in Western culture may see as bizarre. (although, Western culture has had dramatic shifts in the idea of 'attractive' too; just look at how we laugh at 70's hairstyle!)

Point of the matter is, there isn't really any such thing as "what is attractive"; its all subjective. Same thing with weight; the reason you dislike the way you look may have a LOT to do with the sort of society we've been brought up in.

I don't really know if this helps... but, I dunno, when I think of it that way, I kind of feel like there's no point in conforming to such ideals, when its so subjective; I've never liked conforming to societal pressures, anyway! I wore incredibly ugly cotton trousers as a child (gloriously comfortable stuff, I tells ya), and now, as an adult, I'd quite happily wear a colander as a hat if the mood takes me! (I do in fact have evidence of me wearing a colander as a hat, if you want evidence :3)

Same thing should go with looks, in my opinion; sure, make sure you don't become clinically obese (thats more a health than social issue :P), but otherwise, really, I think its far more healthy and, in some ways, far more FUN to be yourself than something that society wants you to be.

Well yes in a very large portion you are right, but everyone wants to be just that bit more because they simply want to fit in, not to mention that a lot of clothing stores simply dont care for bigger people and you have to drag yourself all kinds of different stores to find something that fits well, or even buy it on the internet.

A lot of the time I've actually found that 'fitting in' is more a matter of finding people who are like yourself, rather than conforming to a certain way or certain looks. ^_^ If people don't like you for who you are then honestly they can go screw themselves. ;)

On the practical side of things about clothes and stuff, they don't really sell stuff for underweight people either. XD A lot of the time I find that those really cool pair of jeans just flop to the floor when I try them on. Sadly, thats more clothing stores sucking than anything else. :P

You sound a lot like my girlfriend. I don't think your two opinions need to be exclusive. People have different tastes, and a lot of people (especially attractive women for some reason) hate how they look. I personally think really thin girls are disgusting and I know many guys that believe me. My girlfriend and I just had a long talk about how she feels about her looks. She thinks I deserve a better looking, "sexier" girl. Now I think that's exactly what she is, but what I told her, is that I love her for the sweet, caring, supportive, funny, nerdy, loving, amazing girl she is. She just happens to be beautiful to me physically as well.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, (besides that chances are slim you're half as bad looking as you think) is that looks really don't matter that much. No matter what he thinks of you physically, you shouldn't dwell on it so much. If he loves you enough as a person, it'll really never matter what you look like on the outside. He'll be happy to be with someone that makes him happy, makes him feel good, and that he enjoys being with. Looks don't matter nearly as much to guys as most women think. Though if he says he loves your body, I'm sure it's a 100% honest opinion.

 

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