Its a girl (no suprise there)

First off, if you read this like I'm being sarcastic, then it might be because I'm feeling kinda down.

So I just started my 2nd semester at university (in the UK, where I live). I started counselling after like a week in the first semester because I was having trouble...well socialising. Living at home and it being an inconvenient trip in and out didn't help either. So that helped a lot and now I feel better about my self and blah blah blah.

As of late I haven't had any counselling due to the counsellor changing, and the Xmas break. But I'm working on getting it going again.

So in 2 of my lectures last year I met this girl. She seems nice, and I got kinda friendly with her. We talked a bit and we talk over twitter and stuff. Nothing major, but she made kinda of an impression on me. Now I don't share any lectures with her, but I occasionally talk over facebook. The major problem I have, is that after the" hi, hows it going?" I run out of things to say. I just draw a blank.

I kinda have it down to a confidence thing (Big surprise right?) We share some interests, like movies and what not. But I just don't have it in me to bring it up, mainly due to the fact I still kinda feel insecure about being a nerd (but I'm better than I used to be).

So yeah, any tips on getting closer to this girl?
And any tips in becoming more confident? (Like ways to get out of my head and stop over thinking)

Any help would be appreciated =)

Deverfro:
So yeah, any tips on getting closer to this girl?
And any tips in becoming more confident? (Like ways to get out of my head and stop over thinking)

Stop worrying. Even your mistakes hold some value, so don't be afraid to make some. It sounds easier than it really is, but that's the fastest way to become more confident.
"So what if i'll make an ass out of myself ? I don't care !" :)

How to get closer ? Sorry, low data equals low precision. :)
In general ? Remember that it's not exactly about "what", but rather "how". Remember some movies with shi*y scenarios, but wonderful dialogues and actors that made you forget you're watching work of fiction ? Lack of topics shouldn't be that big problem.

I hope this help you a little. :)

[/quote]
In general ? Remember that it's not exactly about "what", but rather "how". Remember some movies with shi*y scenarios, but wonderful dialogues and actors that made you forget you're watching work of fiction ? Lack of topics shouldn't be that big problem.

I hope this help you a little. :)[/quote]

That does help, I just don't know how to ster the convosation. Do I just bring it up? or what?

Deverfro:
I just don't know how to ster the convosation. Do I just bring it up? or what?

I assume you're talking about getting more serious with her, just invite her out somewhere. My suggestion would be to go for a drink, it's simple, it's easy and there isn't a whole lot of pressure on the situation.

plus a little liquid courage might help you open up. personally I'd rather ask the girl out in person but if you never see her, facebook could work. Make sure you're true to yourself, if you want a relationship with her you're going to have to be prepared to take that risk.

Also remember that just because the physical attraction is there doesn't mean you have an actual connection with her, don't go into the date thinking "I gotta nail this date so I can keep seeing this girl" go in thinking "I'm going to have fun tonight, regardless of how the date goes."

after all you're out there for yourself.

And do it sooner than later, you don't want to wait too long and get put in the friend zone.

See now this has got me thinking. While we do have somethings in common, the more and more I think about it, the more I think I just don't want to face the world without that hope to cling onto. I haven't met anyone that really makes me feel that strongly. But at the same time, I don't want to spend time just waiting to find that perfect someone. That seems like a silly fantasy that doesn't exsist outside of hollywood. And the most annoying part is that I had this realisation before...GAH Im just going in circles...

The biggest mistake I ever made in relationships was assuming that girls are always capricious and all too eager to reject you. You don't need to say something absolutely perfect. The awkward pauses while you think of something to say are much worse than accidentally saying something stupid.

The idea is that you want to be unique. Don't hold anything about your life back (unless it's like really personal). Just talk like you were talking to one of your friends. That way you don't get sucked into the trap of thinking you have nothing interesting to say.

Deverfro:
That seems like a silly fantasy that doesn't exsist outside of hollywood.

Yup. Two of the most important realizations you can come to when it comes to dating are:

1. There is no such thing as the perfect girl. If you wait around for the perfect girl or the Hollywood "meet cute" you will be waiting forever, and you will almost certainly die alone. People are complicated and messy and have flaws, and the girls you date will be complicated and messy and have flaws, just as you are complicated and messy and have flaws. If you ever find yourself thinking "OMG THIS GIRL IS PERFECT", be very, very careful. You are being hormone bombed, and your judgment is likely to be terrible.

2. Relationships don't have to be perfect, or to last forever, to be worth having. Every relationship is a growth experience. You learn about other people, you learn about yourself, you become richer for having gone through it, and if it's a shitty relationship, you become wiser for having gone through it. Too many people get caught up in the trap of "is this the one?".

As for the girl, just ask her out. It's really not that big a leap, and the waters are not as shark infested as they appear. Don't wait too long though. Waiting too long is a one way ticket to Friendsville, capital of Platonia.

Deverfro:

In general ? Remember that it's not exactly about "what", but rather "how". Remember some movies with shi*y scenarios, but wonderful dialogues and actors that made you forget you're watching work of fiction ? Lack of topics shouldn't be that big problem.

I hope this help you a little. :)

That does help, I just don't know how to ster the convosation. Do I just bring it up? or what?

First of all, stop thinking. You worry too much. Half of things we do is much easier than we think it is.

"The conversation" is an art. To be honest, it's quite difficult to form some perfect, universal rules of engagement because we are so very different. So don't expect 100% bulletproof solutions.

For me, the main thing is to observe reactions of "partner". If i feel that i'm boring, i change the subject or say my goodbyes. We value our freedom. The more you push, the more you yearn for attention, the more people dislike you.

It seems that most of us learn how to "talk"... by doing it. So stop worrying, start talking, and try to enjoy it without pushing it too much. :)

Good topic ? You may want to show something you've found in the Internet's savanna. Maybe personality test ? People like tests that are supposed to tell them a thing or two about themselves. For example this was quite popular lately...
http://personality.visualdna.com/1/index.php

JesterRaiin:

Deverfro:

In general ? Remember that it's not exactly about "what", but rather "how". Remember some movies with shi*y scenarios, but wonderful dialogues and actors that made you forget you're watching work of fiction ? Lack of topics shouldn't be that big problem.

I hope this help you a little. :)

That does help, I just don't know how to ster the convosation. Do I just bring it up? or what?

First of all, stop thinking. You worry too much. Half of things we do is much easier than we think it is.

"The conversation" is an art. To be honest, it's quite difficult to form some perfect, universal rules of engagement because we are so very different. So don't expect 100% bulletproof solutions.

For me, the main thing is to observe reactions of "partner". If i feel that i'm boring, i change the subject or say my goodbyes. We value our freedom. The more you push, the more you yearn for attention, the more people dislike you.

It seems that most of us learn how to "talk"... by doing it. So stop worrying, start talking, and try to enjoy it without pushing it too much. :)

Good topic ? You may want to show something you've found in the Internet's savanna. Maybe personality test ? People like tests that are supposed to tell them a thing or two about themselves. For example this was quite popular lately...
http://personality.visualdna.com/1/index.php

Wow that was weirdly accurate =)

And thanks, I hope this can help me.

Deverfro:
First off, if you read this like I'm being sarcastic, then it might be because I'm feeling kinda down.

So I just started my 2nd semester at university (in the UK, where I live). I started counselling after like a week in the first semester because I was having trouble...well socialising. Living at home and it being an inconvenient trip in and out didn't help either. So that helped a lot and now I feel better about my self and blah blah blah.

As of late I haven't had any counselling due to the counsellor changing, and the Xmas break. But I'm working on getting it going again.

So in 2 of my lectures last year I met this girl. She seems nice, and I got kinda friendly with her. We talked a bit and we talk over twitter and stuff. Nothing major, but she made kinda of an impression on me. Now I don't share any lectures with her, but I occasionally talk over facebook. The major problem I have, is that after the" hi, hows it going?" I run out of things to say. I just draw a blank.

I kinda have it down to a confidence thing (Big surprise right?) We share some interests, like movies and what not. But I just don't have it in me to bring it up, mainly due to the fact I still kinda feel insecure about being a nerd (but I'm better than I used to be).

So yeah, any tips on getting closer to this girl?
And any tips in becoming more confident? (Like ways to get out of my head and stop over thinking)

Any help would be appreciated =)

Tip for the insecurity: If someone treats you like shit for liking a stigmatized form of entertainment, then don't associate with such a person. Find friends who share or are accepting of your nerdiness. Don't be around people who make you feel bad for what you find enjoyable; and they give you shit, give 'em twice as much back.

image

I know this feeling all too well...

I'd say try and have a go at making a conversation about something that happened recently; maybe a new film has come out that you'd like to see, or something in the news that caught your eye. Just say "hey have you seen this?", and kind of go into a debate from there.

"What have you been up to?" might also be a good way to start a conversation.

I think you should stick to safe topics like movies, music, games, books the news etc.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. I had a hard time when I was an undergraduate at university too. Some people who go to university in the UK can be very unpleasant. I had this experience and did not make any friends until I was a few years older. I was a social late bloomer but I do not think there is any shame in that.

Undergrad students tend to be very clicky, and if you are different and do not agree with the status quo then it is easy to get ostracized. When I was at University I stayed with the same groups of people all the time (which was part of the problem) and looking back I wish that I had explored other options.

Good luck with your Facebook chat. Just be honest, stick to safe topics and invite her out for a coffee, or pie.

So I ran into her today while at uni, and found that all this was helping, I was calm, and wasn't panicing during silences. Plus I found I wasn't blanking on things to say, granted it wasnt for long, but I did feel better.

So I just want to say a big thank you too everyone who left advice here. I feel more confident than I have for a long time. And I found it easier to talk in person, which is also a plus.

 

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