My mum cried about my gaming

Ok this is a little bit complicated so stay with me.
Now im an entusiastic gamer and i often enjoy spending my afternoons gaming. Il go home finish my homework and assignments then play online for the evening. The problem is that my mother thinks that in am wasting my potential. Bring in year 11 i dont really think massive
Amounts of study is nessasary and im not dumb usually a state top 5% finisher.

Ok back to the story.so i was playing online LOL and she comes into my room and tells me how im wasting my life. When i respond that i have done
All of my homework and assignments she breaks out crying and tells me gaming isnt going to get me to uni. She does this regulary and it really pisses
Me off. I dont know how much longer i can take it before i say somthing in reply that i dont mean.

So guys any advice?

Btw i did this on my ipod and have big fingers so sorry for any mistakes.

Many parents these days are filled with the idea that any leisure time that isn't actively adding to your future in a traditional manner is wasted.

About the only way you can get around this is going to be behaving like an adult. Ask her if you can sit down and have a chat, and have a proper, adult, conversation about her concerns.

Be open minded, do NOT be offended or pissed off. Most importantly, take her suggestions seriously. Do all these things even if she is, or seems, completely unreasonable.

Gaming of all kinds can, and will, take up fast amounts of time and is easy to get sucked into to the detriment of other aspects of your life. Rightly or wrongly, your mother is worried that is what is happening here.

Mention that the first people to create computer games were graduate university students and a nuclear scientist who made his game while working at a United States government nuclear laboratory, and in fact made it for the purposes of the laboratory. Mention that one of the people who programmed Spacewar!, one of the first games and one which was hugely influential, was the first person ever to implement the Lisp programming language. Oh, and while you're at it, you might as well mention that almost every serious computer operating system is derived directly or indirectly to an operating system which was first invented because one Bell Labs researcher wanted to port one of his games to a new computer. Gaming might not have got these people to university, but they were sure as hell clever enough to get there in the first place.

Tell her all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. If you studied constantly you would burn yourself out. At least your method of unwinding is more mentally stimulating (and, as you're playing online, social) than sitting in front of the TV for a few hours every day.

Tell her that gaming IS going to get you into uni, because you're pretty much at the optimum level of educational discipline right now (for a normal person who's not one of those mad super-brains) and if more pressure is put on you you'll just start wearing out and lagging and losing motivation.

... TAKE IT FROM A GIRL WHO PUSHED HERSELF TOO HARD IN HER GCSE'S AND ALMOST HAD A MENTAL BREAK DOWN. Geez, my mum used to BEG me to play computer games and give myself a break... I got straight As, most of which were A*s, but I only made it to art college because the idea of doing anything academic for the rest of my education just made me want to cry. (Shame too, I was s**t hot at maths.)

Lock your door.
If your mother seriously expects you to spend all your time studying then she isn't being realistic and probably won't magically become realistic from you talking to her. If she doesn't think that you should spend all your time studying and just thinks gaming is bad then no amount of talking is going to convince her otherwise because gaming is one of this parent generation's demons and they refuse to hear otherwise. Just suck it up until you actually get into a uni and leave the house.

Why not just throw her a bone and browse around for colleges? It really wouldn't be a bad idea to get comfortable with the admission process, so its a breeze when you actually have to bite the bullet and deal with it.
(Or are you in a place where the schooling's significantly different from the US?)

lisadagz:

Tell her that gaming IS going to get you into uni, because you're pretty much at the optimum level of educational discipline right now (for a normal person who's not one of those mad super-brains) and if more pressure is put on you you'll just start wearing out and lagging and losing motivation.

This is a real and dangerous threat. It already sounds like you aren't really challenged at school, and for advanced students, getting burnt out in the late teens by illogical busywork nonsense is a real possibility.

In fact, that is one of the big reasons I skipped for years of school, and went from middle school to college. I was bored as hell already, and gaming and fiction seemed like the only interesting thing out there. It was after I got to college when I really grew into more of who I am. Yes, I am still a complete geek, but the typical intellectual pursuits rivaled my nerdy ones once I was in classes where I felt like the material was worthwhile.

If your grades are fine and you are proactive about your schoolwork, then I'm sorry to say that your mother genuinely does sound over concerned to the point of stressing your relationship. I know that feeling, and I never did figure out a solution other than just "wait it out 'til you're in a situation where you're doing things that make her happier."

Perhaps there's some personal experience she's gone through that makes her this anxious? If so, don't blame her feelings on it, but find some way to assure her that you're safe, and she's safe, and there's nothing to worry about.

Everything's arranged in a self-fulfilling prophecy where she approaches you in a way that makes you react, and then she takes that reaction as proof of her conspiracy. So shutting her out just won't work.
Its not fair that you have to do this, but right now, your mother needs you to be the grown up in the relationship and, without judgement or retort, do what it takes to quell her irrational fears.

Whenever someone displays this pattern of behavior, that's ultimately what they're asking for. This sort of thing is traumatic either way, so you might as well choose the path that will have her thanking you down the road.

warhammerfrog:
Ok this is a little bit complicated so stay with me.
Now im an entusiastic gamer and i often enjoy spending my afternoons gaming. Il go home finish my homework and assignments then play online for the evening. The problem is that my mother thinks that in am wasting my potential. Bring in year 11 i dont really think massive
Amounts of study is nessasary and im not dumb usually a state top 5% finisher.

Ok back to the story.so i was playing online LOL and she comes into my room and tells me how im wasting my life. When i respond that i have done
All of my homework and assignments she breaks out crying and tells me gaming isnt going to get me to uni. She does this regulary and it really pisses
Me off. I dont know how much longer i can take it before i say somthing in reply that i dont mean.

So guys any advice?

Btw i did this on my ipod and have big fingers so sorry for any mistakes.

Considering you aren't letting gaming interfere with your school responsibilities I think your mother is overreacting. Everyone needs something to relax and wind down at the end of the day. It is also perfectly healthy to have a hobby you love. It isn't "wasted time" if you are enjoying yourself.

I had a similar thing occur with my parents. Then I pointed out how after work they come home, unwind, and watch TV. What does your mom do in her free time? Perhaps if you point out how her leisure time is spent she might see that you two aren't all that different.

Ah what are the odds. We have the same mum. I have yet found a solution to this problem.

Though if you finish in the state top 5%, I'd though you may of came up with the solution by now.

LOL no I just got into one of the most prestigious schools in the state with a shit GPA (albeit a fantastic ACT score) and I played games all the time :P Have not heard a single complaint about my gaming since :)

If it's not too early (most schools are still only taking applications for this fall, and many are past deadline) I would recommend you start applying to different schools now (or at least as soon as the early decision term for next year starts), so when you get accepted (if you're in the top 5% in the state you should have no trouble getting in somewhere nice) you can just tell her to shove it :)

I have the acceptance letter pinned to my door as a ward against her "You're ruining your life with your games" rants.

Gaming got me to uni. I played WoW more than I studied. I never did my homework. Uni is a joke. Besides, I'm crying right now. It's no big deal. I should just die.

warhammerfrog:
When i respond that i have done
All of my homework and assignments she breaks out crying and tells me gaming isnt going to get me to uni. She does this regulary and it really pisses
Me off.

It sounds like you're both right. She's over-reacting, but if you do nothing but play video games after getting your homework done, you are wasting your potential. Video games are fun. Video games are not harmful. But video games are no substitute for life experience.

I love gaming especially as a kid. My average gaming hours was 72 hours a week. I went to school, I did my homework, I was an exceptional student in the subjects that I saw important.
Parents say go outside and play, go to friends houses. Hell my parents got to the point where they WANTED me to go to parties, have a girl friend, etc. Just to get me out of the house. But they didn't understand how much that bored me, how much better it was to game.

Which by itself is perfectly fine, however take it from someone who was in the exact same boat you are. If you go through your life doing just what is asked of you it will be far more difficult to amount to something grand. You need to find something (career wise) that interests you and learn everything you can about it in your spare time. Yes your only 11, but that only gives you 8 years max to figure out what you want to do and apply yourself so your ahead of everyone else when you go for that interview.

Don't get me wrong, continue to game. But don't game your childhood away. Being a kid is great, you can fuck up and start over pretty much as much as you want. After you graduate high school no one holds your hand anymore. If you fall you will only have yourself and possibly your parents to catch you.

One thing to keep in mind is that the only reason your parents do anything is because they love you.

Is it really any different to reading books, painting pictures or going out and playing sports?

You're a person, not a robot. You need to be able to unwind from all the intensive studying so you don't get burned out doing it.

Try talking to her. You know, sit down and have a dialogue. Tell her about why you game, what effect it does or doesn't have on your schooling, and how you're able to do well in school without it. Then hear what her fears are, why she fears gaming. Actively listen, and then reply when she's done. Then come back and tell us how it went.

I say you are both correct too.
Everyone deserves to have a hobby and wind down, but only doing video games is not that great and idea of relaxing.
For example, if you were someone who played a sport, did a musical instrument and payed games, I dont think your mom will have too big of a problem with that.

I am guessing your mom thinks you need more social activities and physical activities, not just do your home work and play games. those are two very solitary activities.

So in order to keep her quiet, spend time outside :)

I know my dad was disappointed when despite having great grade, graduating from a great university and got a great job, he thought I didnt have enough friends and since I was a social failure I was a failure in his understanding.

MLG Gamers with endorsements and depending on other factors make anywhere between $30,000.00 to over $100,000.00 a year for 3-4 months of pro gaming. That's not including off-season tournaments. Granted you have to get a sponser and endorsed, but hey...I can dream.

Double post, damn...

I'm afraid to inform you that your Mother is probably stupid. Maybe you could talk to her about it, exactly why she's so offended by the prospect of gaming, but ultimately it's probably not going to change how she feels, you might just have an inhibited gaming life until you move out on your own.

EDIT:

It's also possible that she might not actually hate gaming, but that she's been corrupted by the media about MMOs. Things like Everquest and WoW have only ever been labled as psychological drugs that turn you into some life-wasting junkie.

Regnes:
I'm afraid to inform you that your Mother is probably stupid. Maybe you could talk to her about it, exactly why she's so offended by the prospect of gaming, but ultimately it's probably not going to change how she feels, you might just have an inhibited gaming life until you move out on your own.

EDIT:

It's also possible that she might not actually hate gaming, but that she's been corrupted by the media about MMOs. Things like Everquest and WoW have only ever been labled as psychological drugs that turn you into some life-wasting junkie.

That is true, Tell her to turn off fox news and also tell her that at least you are not injecting drugs, spending 8hours a day watching porn,or knitting in your spare time.

If she is being so emotional about the subject and you are still an accademic succes, then it is her problem not yours. The only real thing you could be doing at the moment is getting a girlfreind or summer job, but again gaming is acceptble too.

Without all the facts it is hard to judge. It would be easier if you told us how long a night you actually gamed. One thing I will say is that doing one thing all the time is not the most productive way to spend your life. Then again you don't tell me how to live my life so I wont tell you how to live yours.

I will offer you some advice though and you can take it or leave it. Your mother is right in a sense in that gaming isn't going to help your future. But you obviously enjoy it and it seems to be a good way to unwind. Ask yourself is there anything else you could be doing though? You don't have to limit yourself to one habbit/hobby.

I personally enjoy photography, swimming/working out, reading and writting as well as the occasional gaming session although I rarely watch TV these days if ever. The point is my free time is varied although it didn't used to be like that. I used to spend a lot of time gaming, too much when I look back on it.

At your age it's easy to fall into the 'I'm right and everyone else is wrong' mentality, that's what being a teenager is all about. I look back to when I was 16 and realise I was a right prat. What you might want to consider is the fact that your mother migh be upset for a different reason, ask yourself honestly how much time do you spend with her? Perhaps she is lonely and just wants to see you rather than you being locked up in your room alone. With that last comment I will leave you to your thoughts.

Story of my life. I don't think there is much to do. I get top grades at almost everything I do in school and they (my parents) see it as an issue too. It's not even about games even. I produce music and play about with photoshop a lot and that's an issue for them too.
My best guess is that it's just a generation thing.

Do you spend any real time talking to your mother? It might not be down to you wasting your life, but her missing you, if you do your school work and then go and play online. If this might be an issue then spend a while talking with her about school, your prospects and your motivations. Reassure her that you are motivated, bounce ideas around about your future, talk to her about what she did, that kind of thing. It doesn't take much doing and she might be a lot happier about things.

If this definitely isn't the case then perhaps you can reach a compromise. Take a night off gaming to do something else. I don't think arguing your case is likely to help in this situation.

 

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