Girls, Religion, and Being Me

Hey escapists, having a bit of trouble in my life that's managed to infect my thoughts for a full 7 hours and I could use some advice. These issues are linked to each other but I'll list them separately.

1. So there's this girl (yet another girl help thread but it's not entirely this) and I've known her for a few years and have really gotten to know her and develop quite the crush. Normally I wouldn't act on this but I've been getting "signs" from her that she might be interested in me in a similar way. Though she has plenty of other guy friends and I have no idea how she interacts with them on a regular basis. This wouldn't be such a big problem except...

2. I'm a follower of Christ and she's an atheist. A good religious friend of mine told me not to bother with such a relationship as it may lead to heartbreak, temptation, etc... Not only this but I've read that those that follow Christ should only date (and marry) those that are also a follower. Now I've said that I'm a follower of Christ and not a Christian. Why is this? well...

3. I don't believe in everything the bible says. Well, not personally at least. Gay marriage is perfectly fine in my book and converting people (if not handled well) I see as morally wrong. I believe people should choose for themselves who to follow or not to follow. I have no doubt that the bible says these things for a reason but I just can't get myself to change how I think on these issues. This also is blurring the lines between me seeing how pre-marital sex might not be such a bad thing considering it can insure a solid intimate relationship before marriage which could help solve quite a few issues. Then there's the reminder that following Christ isn't supposed to be easy and how we may have to sacrifice some things. But I very well can't sacrifice my beliefs because I know that these things are engraved into me for some reason.

So, what am I asking for? Some advice! What should I do with this girl, my religion, and my beliefs that would make sense of this annoying paradox?

In my experience, don't do it. My last Girlfriend was catholic, I am atheist, she tried keeping her beliefs out of the relationship but she couldn't, and her mother who is a Hardcore catholic kept fucking up our relationship and saying shit about me simply because I am atheist, we broke up a while back, and I wasn't upset but I wish we could have gone further, but she chose her religion over me so I wasn't upset. My advice, Try it and if it doesn't work out, move on, but be careful, someday you may have to choose your religion or the person you love (not always the case but just my 2 cents)

I would say go for it....so what if it doesn't work out? If you really are good friends, your friendship will survive any breakup that may occur (though I'll be honest with you it might not ever reach the same stage it once did).

But your idea of Christianity sounds very similair to mine. Though I think that if you love her it doesn't matter what Religion she is. It doesn't sound like your religious beliefs would really interfere with the relationship, and I'm not sure if her atheist beliefs would really make a big impact either.

I don't think you're going to be "tempted" by her ways or anything like thaat. You both sound like intelligent, mature people who would be compatable. You wouldn't have to "sacrifice" your beliefs or anything.

In my experience, regretting not doing something is far worse than regretting something you have done. At least you'll always know.

I think just because the person does not believe in religion, it doesn't make them not understand the same values that religious people hold, and vice versa.

So go give it a try.

My friend is a low-key Christian, in that she believes in Christ but she doesn't make a big deal out of it or particularly base her life around Christianity. She's been with her athiest boyfriend for about six years now and they're getting married (in a church) next year. He finds her being religious a bit weird ('cause obviously he doesn't really get why people are religious) but no more than someone might find their partner a bit weird for liking sport when they just couldn't get into it themselves.

So that's my little example for you to consider.

If you really like her, then go for it. If she likes you too, then she won't try to convert you to her way of thinking and you wouldn't try to convert her. If you are a believer but not especially religious in the traditional sense, then I see no reason not to give it a try. I think it's better to try and then get hurt then to not try. You can move on if it doesn't work, but if you don't go for it, then you might find yourself wondering why not for a lot longer.

Your religious views seem perfectly sensible, and while I admit that being with a fellow believer would be more straightforward, how are you going to know? You might know if they believe or not but there are so many more intricate elements of religion that people may or may not hold dear. You don't follow the bible as such, so being with a christian who does would be more taxing than being with someone who doesn't believe at all. I think it should be easier for you, since you are the religious party in this instance, and you aren't going to insist on baptising her or any such nonsense.

Go for it, and good luck ;)

well if you like her i dont think that relligion should prevent you from going for it!
now from what u said i doubt you are this kind of person but ill say it anyhow being an atheist does not make you a bad/less good person!
besides if there is some kind of religios reason for you to handle a relationship difrently than an atheist im sure she would understand!
good luck!

As long as you don't hold any 'hardcore Christian' views (which judging from the gay marriage thing, you don't), and both of you are able to resist shoehorning your beliefs into a discussion there's no reason it couldn't work.

Go for it. If it works, you've got yourself a good woman. If not, you've got yourself a good lesson learned.

Legendairy314:
A good religious friend of mine told me not to bother with such a relationship as it may lead to heartbreak, temptation, etc... Not only this but I've read that those that follow Christ should only date (and marry) those that are also a follower.

When it comes to religion, don't do something just because your friends say to do it. Do it because you believe it to be right.

So, what am I asking for? Some advice! What should I do with this girl, my religion, and my beliefs that would make sense of this annoying paradox?

You shouldn't trust anyone who thinks they can tell you what to do when it comes to your beliefs. You've pretty much got to work this out for yourself. That said, I don't think even the strictest interpretations of the Bible could come up with a reason you can't be friends with a non-Christian woman. Not even friends who do spend time together, alone, in each other's company. Not even friends who are attracted to each other.

Likewise, just because someone is an atheist doesn't mean they're willing to hop into bed with a date willy-nilly. (pun intended)

If you're part of the Escapist's target demo, then you're young enough that there are any number of reasons a relationship might fall apart. Whether or not you two are of the same religion really only matters if you start looking at it lasting over the long haul. Why not get to know each other and work out if you're compatible before worrying about the metaphysics that might divide you?

It might work and it might not, but there's no harm in trying if you're both interested. If you can both keep from beating one another over the head with your beliefs, you're on up on a lot of people!

Good luck. :-)

 

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