Lets Play a Game With My Love Life

Hi Escapist community, this is my very first post ever so I'm rather excited to see what comes of it, so lets get started. I'm a 23 year old guy, 24 next month, in my last semester of college and have never been in a relationship. That's right for 15 years there has been no girl, no kissing, no sex, no love. My 20's, the time when all this stuff is supposed to be happening left and right especially in college, are going fast. My friends, who weren't that much different from me till 6 months ago when they got girls, keep telling me whenever I ask for advice the same thing, that I have to be more out there. By this they mean joining a club on campus, most of which I have no interest in, a sports team, which past injuries prevent me from doing, and talking to girls in class, most of which are in a relationship already or won't give me the time of day. Not bad advice but not good advice, you'd think that if they have girls they'd be able to give me some more effective tips. Now I'm not a very outgoing guy but my ability to socialize is about a 7, 6 when talking to a girl, out of a 10. I've also been told by my friend's girlfriends and a few others that I'm a relatively good looking guy with a sunny disposition, I guess because I tend to smile a lot.

So now comes the game, queue music. I ask you fellow Escapist, for ANY advice that you may have that will increase my dating chances and hopefully get me a girlfriend, and for a week I'll act on any advice, within reason of course, that's given. By the way I'm a straight guy, but I welcome the advice from singles, couples, straight, and gay. We all know of love and what we want out of it, and, not so in my case, some ways to obtain it. My video camera is broken, but I'll try to update daily the results of my efforts. I appreciate any advice given and hope that I get lucky.

When I decided I was unhappy being alone, I posted a profile on Match.com, which led to a relationship that is now in its 10th year. There are other similar sites, such as eharmony (and I think chemistry.com) which provide a similar service. These can be a great option for people who have a hard time meeting the right sort of person.

That's something I've been thinking about for the past few months. I've just been holding off to try to see if there was anything I could do physically out in the open, but my decision may have just been made.

Quick question, are those sites free social networks something akin to facebook and twitter?

I wouldn't worry about getting a girlfriend. You don't want to come off as desperate. It will come in time. What you do want is to meet lots of different girls and then you can choose from them. But it doesn't mean you just need to talk to girls in your class. You see girls in other places too. Just introduce yourself or create a scenario that gets you close enough without any social violations and start chatting away. You will find 90%+ to be receptive, and the ones that aren't, generally aren't ones you want to talk to anyway.

What activities do you do?

My worst relationships happened when I tried to get a relationship. Ether someone hooked me up or I actively searched for them.

One day I was on myspace and a woman I really liked practically feel from the virtual sky. We are now married.

I would say that you need to be proactive in taking immediate action when you see a girl who your interested in through your life. Don't go looking, but when she is in your sights don't hide in a corner.

Once a guy asked me out after we got chatting when giving blood. I had a bf so I had to say no, but otherwise I would have done. Go give blood - it'll impress the ladies.

arcnologia:
That's something I've been thinking about for the past few months. I've just been holding off to try to see if there was anything I could do physically out in the open, but my decision may have just been made.

Quick question, are those sites free social networks something akin to facebook and twitter?

Some of them are free to post profiles, but most would require a fee if you choose to contact someone you find on the site. They are usually pretty clear about this up front.

I messed up a reply, disregard this.

Crenelate:
Once a guy asked me out after we got chatting when giving blood. I had a bf so I had to say no, but otherwise I would have done. Go give blood - it'll impress the ladies.

Hm, we have a blood drive going on today. If nothing happens at least I gave blood.

[span id=:
Giftfromme[/span]" post="538.355077.14113008"]I wouldn't worry about getting a girlfriend. You don't want to come off as desperate. It will come in time. What you do want is to meet lots of different girls and then you can choose from them. But it doesn't mean you just need to talk to girls in your class. You see girls in other places too. Just introduce yourself or create a scenario that gets you close enough without any social violations and start chatting away. You will find 90%+ to be receptive, and the ones that aren't, generally aren't ones you want to talk to anyway.

What activities do you do?

Outside of gaming, I tend to jog or walk around the campus and town, eat out at the restaurants like Chili's, not McDonalds, and sitting in at cafes, and I am an avid movie goer and we have concerts made by music majors that I try to go to when I can. I go to our one club and some parties in town from time to time but that is just something I did with my friends. Aside from those activities I'm willing to try something new at least once or twice.

Zack Alklazaris:

I would say that you need to be proactive in taking immediate action when you see a girl who your interested in through your life. Don't go looking, but when she is in your sights don't hide in a corner.

pretty much this, if you notice a girl you might be interested in go talk to her! It's easy to forget but all these girls are more or less just like you, they feel insecure at times and usually don't shy away from meeting someone new. Just don't come across as creepy or weird and you'll be fine.

even if it's not a situation that usually calls to be social, as long as you're confident and seem like a generally good guy most people won't think you're crazy for trying to talk to them.

But speaking of your friends with girlfriends, how did they get them? Are you sure one of their girlfriends doesn't have a friend who is also looking for someone, I'm sure you get along with your friend's girlfriends so you might share some interests with their friends as well.

Just don't rush into anything, make sure you actually want to spend time with someone before dating them, don't date for the sake of dating.

[span]Zack Alklazaris[/span]:
My worst relationships happened when I tried to get a relationship. Ether someone hooked me up or I actively searched for them.

One day I was on myspace and a woman I really liked practically feel from the virtual sky. We are now married.

I would say that you need to be proactive in taking immediate action when you see a girl who your interested in through your life. Don't go looking, but when she is in your sights don't hide in a corner.

Wow, not being sarcastic in any way, that was deep. I just feel that the longer I wait the harder it might be to find girl, and that I feel like I'm waiting in vain because the right girl has passed me by.

[span]L[span id=:
i[/span]mecake[/span]" post="538.355077.14115941"]

Zack Alklazaris:

I would say that you need to be proactive in taking immediate action when you see a girl who your interested in through your life. Don't go looking, but when she is in your sights don't hide in a corner.

pretty much this, if you notice a girl you might be interested in go talk to her! It's easy to forget but all these girls are more or less just like you, they feel insecure at times and usually don't shy away from meeting someone new. Just don't come across as creepy or weird and you'll be fine.

even if it's not a situation that usually calls to be social, as long as you're confident and seem like a generally good guy most people won't think you're crazy for trying to talk to them.

But speaking of your friends with girlfriends, how did they get them? Are you sure one of their girlfriends doesn't have a friend who is also looking for someone, I'm sure you get along with your friend's girlfriends so you might share some interests with their friends as well.

Just don't rush into anything, make sure you actually want to spend time with someone before dating them, don't date for the sake of dating.

Yeah, after reading what Zack wrote, I thinking maybe it may be impatience popping up. By the way one of my friends, Kent, decided to take the "be active and go hunt them" approach and somehow picked up a girl and she happened to have a friend and my other friend, Connor, got hooked up. This happened sometime in September. They've graduated last spring and so I couldn't be there to get in on the action. The girls each have sisters but they are either too young or a little to old for me.

arcnologia:

[span]Zack Alklazaris[/span]:
My worst relationships happened when I tried to get a relationship. Ether someone hooked me up or I actively searched for them.

One day I was on myspace and a woman I really liked practically feel from the virtual sky. We are now married.

I would say that you need to be proactive in taking immediate action when you see a girl who your interested in through your life. Don't go looking, but when she is in your sights don't hide in a corner.

Wow, not being sarcastic in any way, that was deep. I just feel that the longer I wait the harder it might be to find girl, and that I feel like I'm waiting in vain because the right girl has passed me by.

It really is about taking those extra steps when you find one. I will say it was much easier online. We were in the forums doing that stupid "what would you do to the person above you" stuff. She said "I'll hug you... possibly naked"

I saw that as unusual for a girl so I looked at her profile and saw she liked many of the same stuff I did. (that skips the whole dating question game) We talked online and discovered are personalities clicked. Then we talked on the phone. Pretty soon I was driving up to see her. lol She scolded me and made me call my mom. I didn't tell anyone I was going. She said "You dumbass! I could kill you right now and no one would know! You call your mother right now and tell her where you are."

So I found out she cared about me and had a good heart. Everything else just fell into place.

There are always tons of women out there for you. You have probably passed them without knowing because we don't tend to carry our profiles around are necks when we go outside. Thats why I prefer online even if the whole distance thing that kill it. (mine was 250 miles away, thats not far at all for online dating) I would recommend if you find a girl you like, don't have to love just like, facebook her. Look her up on the internets. This is a wonderful way to get to know someone without the risk of feeling stupid.

Crenelate:
Once a guy asked me out after we got chatting when giving blood. I had a bf so I had to say no, but otherwise I would have done. Go give blood - it'll impress the ladies.

but....I like my blood right where it is

OT: My suggestion is if you think you see the signs (which can really be anything at all) just go for it. I mean what's the worst a girl can do? Now if you end up falling for someone who is a friend, that can get a little more complicated, but if you meet a girl at a party or out walking, ask her out for drinks, or coffee or something.

Crenelate:
Once a guy asked me out after we got chatting when giving blood. I had a bf so I had to say no, but otherwise I would have done. Go give blood - it'll impress the ladies.

Well that is a good sale for blood donation but has zero effect on ladies, what you were impressed with was the guys mouth flapping skill and possibly a hint of lightheadedness.

Which brings us to you OP, prepare for the time honored ancient dating ritual Flapping Of The Mouth, it will be your most useful resource in the hardships to come.
Your friends were quite right with their advice but this is not "press X to win" kinda game, it is a game of chance.
You go out into social circles and you try and chat up as many desirable girls as you can, now not all of those will like you, and not all of the ones that like you will have you on their priority list, and out of those that do have you as the prime candidate not all will fit with you (last part can take years to figure out).
Now once the rubble is sifted out there could be quite a few gems left, but unless you start looking the chances of finding some are slim.

Mr.K.:

Crenelate:
Once a guy asked me out after we got chatting when giving blood. I had a bf so I had to say no, but otherwise I would have done. Go give blood - it'll impress the ladies.

Well that is a good sale for blood donation but has zero effect on ladies, what you were impressed with was the guys mouth flapping skill and possibly a hint of lightheadedness.

...

True, but I'm just saying that's a perfectly valid way of meeting new people if your social circles been completely exhausted. It's an environment where you can naturally have a chat over tea and biscuits with a complete stranger and not seem like a freak.

I think the important thing is confidence - if you like the look of someone just try and start a conversation - the worst they can do is not respond, in which case there's hardly a loss. Back in ye olden days I would see what guys were perusing the aisles I liked in bookshops. There was never anyone suitable (age wise) and I was like 16/17 a the time so very low in confidence. I think when someone approaches you that automatically makes them more attractive

EDIT: more attractive than you would do sitting like a lemon in the corner. And more attrative as a prospect in general, not just physically.

Crenelate:

Mr.K.:

Crenelate:
Once a guy asked me out after we got chatting when giving blood. I had a bf so I had to say no, but otherwise I would have done. Go give blood - it'll impress the ladies.

Well that is a good sale for blood donation but has zero effect on ladies, what you were impressed with was the guys mouth flapping skill and possibly a hint of lightheadedness.

...

True, but I'm just saying that's a perfectly valid way of meeting new people if your social circles been completely exhausted. It's an environment where you can naturally have a chat over tea and biscuits with a complete stranger and not seem like a freak.

I think the important thing is confidence - if you like the look of someone just try and start a conversation - the worst they can do is not respond, in which case there's hardly a loss. Back in ye olden days I would see what guys were perusing the aisles I liked in bookshops. There was never anyone suitable (age wise) and I was like 16/17 a the time so very low in confidence. I think when someone approaches you that automatically makes them more attractive

EDIT: more attractive than you would do sitting like a lemon in the corner. And more attrative as a prospect in general, not just physically.

Any advice on how to deal with someone being surrounded by a group of friend? From time to time, when I've built up enough confidence, I'd talk to a girl who was alone, but I can never get any confidence whenever a girl is with a group of friends. I always get the feeling I'll be running through a mine field trying to get to the safe spot only to blow up.

What I'm about to say might seem a bit harsh but please don't take it to heart, it comes from me having met plenty of people with stories just like you.
Try to look "fresh", get some new clothes, get a haircut, make sure you shower (ect.), I've met too many guys that didn't know why girls don't like them when I can barely stand next to them.

Nothing is going to happen if she says no. That is the very worst that can happen if you ask a girl out, if you don't say anything how will she know you like her? Trust me she will not come to you.

If she is with friends get one of yours to talk to her friend. If he approaches first then he will have already broken the ice for you and give you something to ease in with. If you have to go with a cheesy chat up line and try to make her laugh, it might not seem "cool" but it can work.

Conqueror Kenny:
What I'm about to say might seem a bit harsh but please don't take it to heart, it comes from me having met plenty of people with stories just like you.
Try to look "fresh", get some new clothes, get a haircut, make sure you shower (ect.), I've met too many guys that didn't know why girls don't like them when I can barely stand next to them.

Nothing is going to happen if she says no. That is the very worst that can happen if you ask a girl out, if you don't say anything how will she know you like her? Trust me she will not come to you.

If she is with friends get one of yours to talk to her friend. If he approaches first then he will have already broken the ice for you and give you something to ease in with. If you have to go with a cheesy chat up line and try to make her laugh, it might not seem "cool" but it can work.

Hey thanks for the advice, as long as I can better myself in some way nothing is too harsh. I will seriously take your advice to heart. I do tend to keep up my grooming and hygiene, but its been said that most of my clothes up until last Christmas should be burned. A "makeover" should give me some sort of a confidence boost that I definitely need.

Well the week's almost over and I have seriously been putting your advice into action. I managed to find a girl of interest who was a bit excited when I greeted her, we exchanged names talked a bit, but nothing else she seemed like she wasn't willing to do anymore than that and I didn't want to feel I was pressing it out of her. However making this little event was a bit easier than my previous attempts. Its a rather small improvement but its a big step.

Thanks everybody!

Even if the girls are already dating still go talk to them make friends. Then make friends with there friends and eventually you will find someone who is a option and it will be natural.

How about getting a part time job or job ...
Even if you are bad at socializing, if you are a waiter, barista, book strode staf,, you are forced to smile and be friendly.
You will meet new people working there with you, and new people coming in everyday to shop/ eat/ drink coffee.
You will also make money too, which comes in handy.

I know t hat I found dates at work mo often than I did at school.

Angie7F:
How about getting a part time job or job ...
Even if you are bad at socializing, if you are a waiter, barista, book strode staf,, you are forced to smile and be friendly.
You will meet new people working there with you, and new people coming in everyday to shop/ eat/ drink coffee.
You will also make money too, which comes in handy.

I know t hat I found dates at work mo often than I did at school.

I always thought the opposite because I figured you'd be too busy at times to really accomplish anything.

my lat post is a mess! iPad makes me have so many crazy typos...

whether you will accomplish something or not is really up to you.
Plus, all you need to accomplish is to put yourself ins an environment where you come across lots of girls, so how hard can that be :)

Am I the only one a little weirded out by the "15 years" comment. I mean were you expected to date at 8?

I don't know I'm no expert but you have friends, surely they must have friends you don't know or their girlfriends must have, I'm not saying ask them to set you up, but any sort of gathering or social function where they're all at gives you a chance to start some sort of conversation and who knows where that might lead?...probably no where, but meeting new people always helps.

Also if and when you do get anywhere serious with someone, don't lie or makeup anything, be honest about your virginity and inexperience. I mean if they respond terribly to it, why would you want to be with them anyway?

 

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