I'm openly Bisexual, I'm in a relationship with a girl, and I'm starting to think I'm just gay...

Okey dokie lokie... here's my dilemma...

I've been an openly Bisexual male for around 5 months now, after "knowing" I was for 2+ years, I've been much happier since I came out, and I thought I had the whole "finding my sexuality" thing sorted out.

Annnnnd then things got complicated...
I based my logic of being bi as supposed to gay on the fact that in the past I've had attractions and crushes on women, but I'll be completely honest, I'm starting to wonder how much of that was real, and how much of that was me bending to fit what I thought society expected of me, I don't find much female exclusive anatomy very "exciting" (to me, boobs just look like blobs of fat attached to one's chest, I don't fully understand what's so sexy about that, and I find vaginas really gross, I don't know if I want to stick my dick anywhere near one of those things)

In short, I think I'm gay

Regardless however, I am currently still officially identifying as Bi, and I am currently in a relationship with a girl who last week (kind of out of the blue) informed me that she's had a crush on me for over a year, and I really love everything about who she is (even though the whole "girl" thing is a bit of a turn off...)

Now she's expressed interest in sex...

I... don't think that would very pleasant for either party, like I said, female anatomy doesn't exactly tickle my fancy, and if she wants me to put my mouth... there... oh god it makes me sick just thinking about it...
I was going to just put my foot down and say no, that isn't happening, but then I realized something... having sex with a girl would be a pretty good "test" wouldn't it? I mean, I don't rally WANT to, but if I do, and it's as unpleasant as I imagine it would be... I'd know for sure.
And hey, maybe I'm wrong and I'll enjoy the experience immensely, maybe I was right the first time and I really am bi, who's to say at this point?

Yeah, it seems a tad "odd" to hand out my V-card for what amounts to research, but I'm really starting to think that this is the only conclusive way to tell exactly which sexual orientation I am beyond a reasonable doubt, so what do you guys think?

(the reason I'm posting this here is because this is about the only corner of the internet where my IRL friends DON'T know me, and I'm still anonymous)

TL;DR I'm an openly Bi man, but I think I might be gay, so I'm thinking about losing my virginity with my girlfriend to see if I enjoy it or not.

Gmans uncle:
Okey dokie lokie... here's my dilemma...
TL;DR I'm an openly Bi man, but I think I might be gay, so I'm thinking about losing my virginity with my girlfriend to see if I enjoy it or not.

No.
You're gay.

You dont want to have sex with this girl, and using her as a `test` is disgusting and dehumanising. If you `love everything about this girl` except the girl part, why would you use her like that?

Don't be an asshole.

Let her down gently and go find a guy you can be happy with.

EDIT: I know you may think its okay because she has expressed an interest in sex, but if you said: "Look, I am repulsed by your sex organs, think tits are just blobs and you wanting sex with me makes me want to puke. But I wanna test it anyway, just to make 100% sure I'm gay"

Do you really think she would be down with that?

Gmans uncle:

TL;DR I'm an openly Bi man, but I think I might be gay, so I'm thinking about losing my virginity with my girlfriend to see if I enjoy it or not.

Definitely gonna have to agree with Phasmal here. Think about your girlfriend first. Do you really think she'd be alright with that? How would you feel if someone you cared about just went and had sex with you as a test? That's just cold =/

I think what you are going through is normal.
I also think that if you are going to try to have sex with her because you want to have sex with her, its ok.
Just never say, hey I might be gay and I want I find out so can we have sex?
If its more like, I really love you, but it seems I couldn't finish the deed because I think I am gay, and you were the only person I wanted to have sex with despite that., then I don't think the girl will be offended.
I mean what other alternatives a you willing top try?
Pay money for it and ask a professional, or have a one night stand?

Phasmal:

Gmans uncle:
Okey dokie lokie... here's my dilemma...
TL;DR I'm an openly Bi man, but I think I might be gay, so I'm thinking about losing my virginity with my girlfriend to see if I enjoy it or not.

No.
You're gay.

You dont want to have sex with this girl, and using her as a `test` is disgusting and dehumanising. If you `love everything about this girl` except the girl part, why would you use her like that?

Don't be an asshole.

Let her down gently and go find a guy you can be happy with.

EDIT: I know you may think its okay because she has expressed an interest in sex, but if you said: "Look, I am repulsed by your sex organs, think tits are just blobs and you wanting sex with me makes me want to puke. But I wanna test it anyway, just to make 100% sure I'm gay"

Do you really think she would be down with that?

Yeah... you're probably right, (I'll be honest with ya, I posted this at about 2 AM, and when I read it earlier today my initial reaction was "wow... I'm a douche bag...")
I know this is a sick and wrong thing to even be considering, but I'm just the kind of person who finds it hard to commit to putting a label like this on myself (even if it is the right label)and if I break up with her because I think I'm gay, and then it turns out later that I'm not, well... it's gonna look funny isn't it?
But sometimes the scientific part of my mind takes control of the place and I get some pretty cold, left brained ideas.
This is one of those.
But on reflection, I'm glad I got good solid feedback before I did anything I might regret.

Oh... fuck, I'm going to have to come out AGAIN are't I?...
Oh joy.

Yes, based on the situation described your clearly homosexual.

Though the reasoning of reciprocating orally does confound me. Are a womans parts and fluid really any more/less revolting than a mans parts and fluid? Honestly they are both vile. So I guess its up to the interpreted lesser of two evils. And in this case it seems like for you the lesser of two evils is a man.

Anyway... It seems pretty clear, so jerking someone else around is not a good idea. Ask if she will let you "verify" She likely wont, but Im a firm believer in "you will never know unless you ask"

It would appear that your dabblings with women were just an exploration of what society expects, but I don't know your situation well enough to say for certain.

However, I do not think it is a good idea to lose your virginity to this girl just to see. You need to talk to her. Tell her exactly how you feel. You obviously care about this girl, but are still having doubts about your sexuality. So you should be honest, she'll probably be in denial and try to convince you otherwise, but you have to stick to your guns and be honest with yourself.

Then yeah, you'll probably have to come out again, but there's no great rush. Good luck ;)

I think you should tell her honestly how you feel about her, but let her down gently. I wouldn't use her as an experiment either, because it won't end well for the both of you.

I'm fairly certain I'm heterosexual but I just have to put this out there. I'm in general not comfortable looking at vaginas, they look pretty disgusting to me, and penises as well.
But if you feel like you're gay you probably are, it's just not 'obvious' as some people say. Or maybe it is and I'm an asexual in denial who still has boners from time to time.

I haven't been in your position but you could always explain the situation and ask what she thinks / wants do to, maybe that's a dick move as well putting heavy decisions on her I don't know.

If you're a virgin, then all bets are off on what you are until you do the deed.

Mayhaps:
I'm fairly certain I'm heterosexual but I just have to put this out there. I'm in general not comfortable looking at vaginas, they look pretty disgusting to me, and penises as well.

Me too, although that may be because it's fairly "alien" and you don't tend to see it a lot other than in porn. But the main things that attracts me about women are breasts and legs, really. I don't know why, they just do.

It can be very confusing. As someone who is bi himself I can sympathize with this confusion. I took find boobs not nearly as wonderful as other men. (they make great pillows) and vagina isn't something I exactly look for in porn (though it does feel wonderful).

You should use this as a test, but remember to go into it into a neutral mindset into it. If your focus is on "I'm gay I'm gay I'm gay" then your going into it physically as being gay. If that makes any sense at all.

I will say whatever it is you do you should do it soon. I made the mistake of finding out I was bi when I was MARRIED! It caused a lot of conflict even though I have a very understanding wife. I am still with her and have discovered I love both guys and girls. Being bi can be a very confusing time until you "test" the water so to speak.

Good luck, don't be afraid to ask questions if you need to.

I think the most reasonable solution is to ask your girlfriend to have a sex change.

Gmans uncle:

Yeah, it seems a tad "odd" to hand out my V-card for what amounts to research, but I'm really starting to think that this is the only conclusive way to tell exactly which sexual orientation I am beyond a reasonable doubt, so what do you guys think?

Huh? No. I wouldn't have sex with a man just to make sure I'm not bi or gay. It doesn't need to go that far. If you are sexually attracted to her or not is all you need. Mind you, that doesn't automatically mean you're full blown gay. You might just not be sexually attracted to her. There are legions of women I'm not sexually attracted to and I'm straight.

Regnes:
I think the most reasonable solution is to ask your girlfriend to have a sex change.

I concur. That's the only way you can know.

Edit: I suppose I should actually add something, since I don't want to encounter a moderator... If you aren't physically attracted to someone, you aren't going to be. I'm not attracted to certain things, being male, I'm not particularly attracted to men, so I don't want to fuck a dude. However, I do enjoy a bromance with several of my bros, which is to say I enjoy their company and have an emotional attachment. I don't wish to sleep with them however, and don't have any particular wish to have a dick near me that isn't mine. So, unless you're planning to start spouting off about your choice to become gay, you aren't capable of choosing to be attracted to something, as far as I can tell.

Hmm, tough one really..

If nothing else: Tell her about this, communication is going to be the best way out of this

If you don't want sex with her, tell her and either stay friends or in a non-sex relationship..

On the other hand if you want to use her as a testing device to see if you like it or not then go ahead, but it would be best to share these concerns with her.

As a guy who thinks he is bi but has no real way to know (virgin) which way I fly or which one, if either, I prefer..

TL:DR, first off, tell her about you problems
second, liking people and having an attraction to them is made up of many parts, physical attraction, attraction to character, etc. etc. I think its a case of there is no black or white and you may just have to do some trial and/or error

 

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