"Not a nerd/geek? Not interested"

For some reason for at least the last 3 years when it's come to dating sites, interacting with the opposite sex of any kind or trying to date I've noticed something interesting.

If the person isn't nerdy or geeky I completely pass them by.

Me? I consider myself to be fairly geeky: I have a video game collection the size of a book shelf and a book collection the size of three bookshelves. I write, I play violin, I watch anime and sci-fi quite a bit and I'm a sucker for a game of D&D or MTG.

It doesn't matter how mainstream attractive the person is, no geeky interests (Or identical interests in music such as metal or gothic) and I have no interest in them.

Perhaps its because I can't see myself identifying with someone thats not like me, I'm not quite sure. I wonder how many fellow escapists have similar thoughts.

If a person doesn't share any common interests with you then it's totally normal that you don't find them interesting.

Physical attraction is only part of the equation.

There's absolutely nothing strange about this.

I think the term nerd has come to mean being extremely knowledgeable about a certain topic, so I guess if your thinking someone isn't a nerd then they may be kind of dull because they're not passionate about anything enough to know a lot about it, or they may be kind of stupid, or at least stupid in relation to you.

I totally understand.
Even if I meet someone that is very attractive, if they don't have intest in stuff that I like, then i am not interested in them either.
It's just too hard to imagine a relationship with someone that doesn't appreciate your passions.

Bellvedere:
If a person doesn't share any common interests with you then it's totally normal that you don't find them interesting.

Physical attraction is only part of the equation.

There's absolutely nothing strange about this.

I think the term nerd has come to mean being extremely knowledgeable about a certain topic, so I guess if your thinking someone isn't a nerd then they may be kind of dull because they're not passionate about anything enough to know a lot about it, or they may be kind of stupid, or at least stupid in relation to you.

Someone who I don't find to be clever is a real deal-breaker for me, lack of spelling and such is a good example. Good to know that its not as strange as I thought it to be.

Nope, and I'll be honest, I just started online dating but I'm doing exactly the same thing. Granted, this limits my search pool down a lot but I feel more interested in them and more willing to message them.

Of course it's not strange! I can't imagine having any kind of relationship with someone I can't hold a conversation with for at least an hour.

I know this is off topic but what websites do you date on? (PM me)

OkCupid is a good one for me, I'd give it a try.

Generally, I do that because if we have nothing in common, the relationship simply would not work. If we did get together, either one of us would end up trying to change the other.

Not that if I met such a wonderous nerdy woman she'd be interested in me, god knows, such a person can probably do far better.

But yeah, if you don't feel you have anything in common, then it's normal, healthy even, to lose interest. One thing though, you can't judge instantly. There's plenty of girls (and males, for that fact) walking around with retro gaming t-shirts they don't know the origins of, and I've often been surprised. For example, one of my friends seemed like the last kind of girl who'd be interested in games, but it turns up she's a gears of war fanatic. Nerdom isn't easy to spot anymore.

Doclector:
Generally, I do that because if we have nothing in common, the relationship simply would not work. If we did get together, either one of us would end up trying to change the other.

Not that if I met such a wonderous nerdy woman she'd be interested in me, god knows, such a person can probably do far better.

But yeah, if you don't feel you have anything in common, then it's normal, healthy even, to lose interest. One thing though, you can't judge instantly. There's plenty of girls (and males, for that fact) walking around with retro gaming t-shirts they don't know the origins of, and I've often been surprised. For example, one of my friends seemed like the last kind of girl who'd be interested in games, but it turns up she's a gears of war fanatic. Nerdom isn't easy to spot anymore.

That's kinda why I make it obvious on my page what I'm into and not. So it's clear that I'm a nerd, and also interested in other things as well. I hate profiles that are ambiguous as to what the person likes and dislikes. Just saying anime is a start, but what kinds are also very important as well.

Nope, totally normal. If you dont share an interest in at least one common thing, then your gonna lose interest eventually. Forcing two totally different people together does not work.

Harbinger_:
For some reason for at least the last 3 years when it's come to dating sites, interacting with the opposite sex of any kind or trying to date I've noticed something interesting.

If the person isn't nerdy or geeky I completely pass them by.

Me? I consider myself to be fairly geeky: I have a video game collection the size of a book shelf and a book collection the size of three bookshelves. I write, I play violin, I watch anime and sci-fi quite a bit and I'm a sucker for a game of D&D or MTG.

It doesn't matter how mainstream attractive the person is, no geeky interests (Or identical interests in music such as metal or gothic) and I have no interest in them.

Perhaps its because I can't see myself identifying with someone thats not like me, I'm not quite sure. I wonder how many fellow escapists have similar thoughts.

Why not try specific nerdy websites? (Though they may be a sausage-fest, now that I think about it).

But, I am the same. I could not date a guy who didn't game. Lucky for me I am in the minority so finding a gamer guy isn't hard, but I cant imagine one who just was into... sports or... cars or something. Eugh.

You should keep looking. There are nerdy girls out there.

well seems that ur just looking for something in common makes a hell of a lot of sense to me...
in my case yea id like it to have a common interest but i can see past that if a person is worth looking past that...

I never understood why people who look for people with identical interests. Its so boring i've dated two girls who were heavy into gaming and those relationships burned me to tears. My fiance's interests and mine rarely crossover and its just amazing seeing how her mind works.

I find it difficult to identify with people that don't have at least some similar interests. This is definitely proven by the fact that with my job in tech support that the people I talk to really make me feel alone, haha.

I have to admit though, your dating pool will shrink considerably. So much, that I might consider expanding my search. Also, most nerd girls only seem interested in Doctor Who for some weird reason.

For me, if the girl isn't to some degree a nerd I'm not really interested. I need someone I can talk to about nerdy things and play video games with. If I can't do that, I don't date them.

For instance, there was this girl at a wedding I was at once who was pretty cute and I just liked something about her so I went about and started talking to her. When I found out that she hasn't seen Star Wars and has maybe played a video game once in her life because those were "boy things" I lost all interest. It doesn't matter how physically attractive someone is if you can't relate to them.

I dated a girl once (ONCE!) who wasn't a nerd. It was a horrible relationship. Never did that again.

So, I think it's perfectly normal.

I guess the way I see it, if the only important factor in judging someone's compatibility with you is your hobbies, that sounds to me like there's nothing to you apart from your hobbies.

I have my fair share of nerdy hobbies. But just because I like painting Infinity miniatures doesn't mean that any other woman who paints Infinity miniatures is going to be a good match for me. Personally, I'd rather meet someone who has a personality compatible with mine than that she like the same things as me.

Now that's not to say any of you need to alter your approach. The cardinal rule of sexual attraction is that what works for one person doesn't always work for anyone else. I'm just saying most nerds I know are fairly smart. I'm thinking they can probably learn to adapt to just about any conversation or interest when they meet a potential partner with the right blend of sexual characteristics. But no amount of smarts can make up for personalities that are fundamentally incompatible. Give people a try. You might find you like some things different from what you thought you would.

Katatori-kun:
I guess the way I see it, if the only important factor in judging someone's compatibility with you is your hobbies, that sounds to me like there's nothing to you apart from your hobbies.

I have my fair share of nerdy hobbies. But just because I like painting Infinity miniatures doesn't mean that any other woman who paints Infinity miniatures is going to be a good match for me. Personally, I'd rather meet someone who has a personality compatible with mine than that she like the same things as me.

Now that's not to say any of you need to alter your approach. The cardinal rule of sexual attraction is that what works for one person doesn't always work for anyone else. I'm just saying most nerds I know are fairly smart. I'm thinking they can probably learn to adapt to just about any conversation or interest when they meet a potential partner with the right blend of sexual characteristics. But no amount of smarts can make up for personalities that are fundamentally incompatible. Give people a try. You might find you like some things different from what you thought you would.

This.
Just because its a bit of a turnoff at first doesn't mean you necessarily are incompatible with them. If you and your partner were open minded and enjoyed each others' company, it could work out fine.

And you really aren't just what your hobbies make you, are you?

Having a conversation with someone usually comes up as similar interests, opinions, likes and dislikes. To me communication is very important in a relationship and I've found that people I don't have any shared interests with are difficult to communicate with as we don't understand each other well.

Katatori-kun:
I guess the way I see it, if the only important factor in judging someone's compatibility with you is your hobbies, that sounds to me like there's nothing to you apart from your hobbies.

I have my fair share of nerdy hobbies. But just because I like painting Infinity miniatures doesn't mean that any other woman who paints Infinity miniatures is going to be a good match for me. Personally, I'd rather meet someone who has a personality compatible with mine than that she like the same things as me.

Now that's not to say any of you need to alter your approach. The cardinal rule of sexual attraction is that what works for one person doesn't always work for anyone else. I'm just saying most nerds I know are fairly smart. I'm thinking they can probably learn to adapt to just about any conversation or interest when they meet a potential partner with the right blend of sexual characteristics. But no amount of smarts can make up for personalities that are fundamentally incompatible. Give people a try. You might find you like some things different from what you thought you would.

I agree with you that hobbies shouldn't define a match but hobbies can sometimes tell a lot about a person's personality and life. Also they can and do help form a pool of shared experiences, witch is nice in a relationship.

Lock-Os:
I agree with you that hobbies shouldn't define a match but hobbies can sometimes tell a lot about a person's personality and life.

I disagree with that pretty strongly. It can tell you stereotypes about a person, but it doesn't tell you about the person in particular.

Also they can and do help form a pool of shared experiences, witch is nice in a relationship.

I'll agree with the first part of that statement, which is why like I said before I'm not asking anyone to change how they date just because I do it differently. But shared experiences can also be pretty shallow. I once ended up dating a woman essentially because we liked the same TV shows, including some nerdy ones (like as adults enjoying re-watching the Mysterious Cities of Gold show we had watched as kids). But we were pretty grossly incompatible emotionally speaking and things didn't go well. But she also liked to go clubbing, and I had never done that in my life and had up to that point seemed to everyone around me like someone who would never go clubbing. She got me started, and now I love it. If I hadn't known about her interest in TV shows, if I had just known about her clubbing hobby and refused to date her because she was interested in different things, I would have never had that experience and would have never grown as a person.

Judging potential partners on their hobbies just feels to me a bit like choosing to hire someone based on their resume, not off of how the interview went. But to each their own.

You are not alone! I've had a profile with a dating site for a couple of years and met people at work and if they weren't nerdy I lost immediate interest. It really is about common interests since you'll find some attractive people on the website but if they don't like the same stuff it's just an immediate turn of to me.

It really does suck my friend.

Considering how potent my geeky/nerdy side is my friends generally need to be geeks just to be able to understand me.

 

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