Disclaimer: I'm not looking for sympathy/condolences.
A bit of back story first then. I have not seen him in over ten years, and I'm only 21, I don't remember what he looks like or sounds like or even his first name because he never seemed to want much to do with my family, not in a 'I don't want to see you' sort of way but more of a 'I have better things to do' way.
A couple of months ago he was diagnosed with Cancer, he was terminal and has been resting in hospital since. I personally chose not to take the time to go and see him because I figured it would be very awkward for not only me, but him as well. My Dad, Nan and Aunt have been going to see him recently, so he hasn't been completely... left to die is all I can really say.
Now he has died this morning it got me thinking if I should go to his funeral or not, and I'm kind of on the fence about it. On the one hand it's seen as respectful, and it may provide my Dad with a little support because I know it has hurt him regardless of the fact he doesn't like him anyway, and on the other hand, I have work to do, to be frank. I have a busy week ahead of me and I didn't really know him at all so I'm not at all upset about his death.
Woah, I went off on a bit of a tangent there dear reader.
In short, I didn't know him so should I bother going?
If you go, at least no one can ever say " he didn't even turn up at his own granfqther's funeral" and you may be of support to other people attending there.
I think there is nothing to lose by going.. Maybe just some time and having to dress in lack, but that's about it.
Yeah, I'd go. Gotta go to a family member's funeral if possible. Only happens once, you know.
I'd say you should go, it's not everyday your grandfather dies, you could be missing out on some epic funeral snacks. In seriousness though, you might as well go. Just because somebody distances themselves from their family doesn't mean they didn't want anything to do with them, some people are just like that, he would probably appreciate his family seeing him off.
id say you should go if not out of respect then at least for your fathers sake...
work can wait...
Everybody deals with loss differently, some like to come together and share the sadness other wish to be alone. There's no shame in not wanting to go a funeral even if you did care.
Funerals are a personal thing, nobody has the right to demand your presence. If you want to be there for your still living family you could always go to just the ceremony and skip the wake and all the other things surrounding it.
I think it's just the decent thing to do. You didn't go see him when he was alive, the least you can do is pay your respects now he's gone
Got the same problem when my Uncle died. Really hard guy to get to know and he had been through hell and back. Every time I saw him on Thanksgiving, he kept to himself and took alot of smoke breaks. Get out that pack of Lucky Strikes and sit outside petting my aunts dog. Of course one day he had a heart attack and died. Remember everyone praising him at his funeral. Yeah the rest of us were staring on in confusion because all we knew was a chain smoking asshole.
Funerals aren't really about the dead person. (What do they care if you turn up? They're dead.) They're about the people that they have left behind, which means your family and your dad. If you think they would be unhappy if you didn't come, you should probably go for their sake, not your granddad's.
If they wouldn't really care either way, then neither should you.
Its up to you. You didn't have a relationship with him and it sounds like you'd rather not go. If you really felt a need to, you wouldn't be here posting, you'd just go because it would have felt like a natural thing to do.
What you have issue with is the feeling of family obligation. Meaning, you feel you may have to go because he's family. As you told us, he is distant family and you don't have any connection to him, so practically a stranger.
As you get older, you will realise that there is the family we are born to (and may never really develop a bond with) and the family we gather around us as we progress through life. This family consists of people that you actually communicate to on a regular basis, that you care about, and that care about you. Some of them may be blood relatives, but the majority will be close friends. When one of those family members dies, it will be a no brainer to attend their funeral. I say this part to draw a distinction between the relationship between a stranger and someone you know and care about.
Funerals, to me, are a personal way for me to say my final goodbyes to someone. I'm not there to please anyone else by being present for appearances, I'm there because the person who died had a personal relationship with me in some way and I am honoring that by saying a final farewell. There have been people that I have distantly known who have died and I did not attend. In those cases it was simply a matter of me not really knowing them, at all, and preferring to let that person's loved ones and close friends attend the funeral to share their grief.
Recently, one of my aunts died. I did not really know her all that well, but my mom was quite close to her. If my mom had gone to the funeral, I would have gone to be with her and keep her company.
Ultimately its something you need to decide for yourself. No one has the right to tell you go or don't. Attending a funeral is a very personal choice and it is between you and whomever passed, not between you and the living.