GAAAAAAAAAMES!!!

Alright, so...pfft. I'll cut the usual depression shit about feeling empty and just get to something that probably shouldn't be that important compared to all of the other stuff I'm dealing with, but would be a good time-killer and meaning-imposer until I can actually get my CBT started.

Video games.

When I was younger, I used to play on video games all the damn time. Mega Drive, Game Boy, PlayStation, you name it. But now...I'm 16. I've got responsibilities. I've got exams and revision. I don't have my parents to pay for all my stuff; in fact, I only have ONE parent now, and both of us don't have that much money. I've got an Xbox 360, but I haven't bothered to play in a dog's age because there's some kind of thing with the remote that doesn't make it work, not to mention that my lazy 27-year-old brother stays at home all the time and makes it awkward when I'm playing the thing in the living room (and I can't move it out of there into my small-as-fuck bedroom with my small-as-fuck TV; it was a hassle getting it all set up in the first place).

And my mother comes back home at, like, 6pm anyway and tends to want to watch the TV. Also, I've got OCD and I have to read instruction manuals over and over again 'til my eyes fucking bleed (metaphorically, of course). And big games like Zelda and Final Fantasy only intimidate me even more because of this. And the world of video games has shifted so much it feels as if I've missed out on a big chunk of it (PSP broke a while ago, most recent handheld I have is a GBA SP that I barely play), and online just...I don't understand it, I don't understand the hub, all these achievements, and now - you guessed it - I'm going to start talking like Cranky Kong and say that things were better "back in the day" as a prepubescent young boy blissfully ignorant of the horrors to come, and I could just sit down, pop in a catridge and play.

Furthermore, there are so many supposedly awesome games that I haven't played, and yet I still frequent threads and videos telling me how orgasmic Final Fantasy VII is. I envy those collectors, who somehow have the time and money around their job to hunt down and buy all this paraphernalia, have the patience to just sit down and throw out a couple of hours playing them, and still be able to get up the next morning and go to work. You see, this is why people get addicted to the absorbing world of video games, because the real world is a stewing hellhole waiting to destroy itself.

Rant over.

You haven't actually asked for any specific advice, but since you posted this in the advice forum then I guess you'd like some sort of reply. However my best advice would be to actually avoid video games. If you're looking for meaning then they're not the best place to find it. If you're feeling stressed then you should try getting more exercise, eating well and getting a decent amount of sleep. From the sounds of it if you're incapable of just hopping in and out of a video game so at this point I wouldn't even try, otherwise you might find yourself bargaining with yourself for just a few more minutes...

You also haven't specified what you've been dealing with so it's hard to know your emotional state right now. You say you have one parent but I don't know if that's because your father walked out or if it's worse. I don't know how long ago that was or if you've tried talking to a counselor or someone like that about it but if you haven't then I'd recommend that too.

Everyone knows the world is a stewing hellhole and the best way to deal with that is to fill your life with junk and distractions so at the end of the day you just go to bed tired and don't end up lying there wondering how much worse it's going to get. I don't think video games are going to do that for you.

edit: aw shit i didn't actually look up CBT before i posted this. ok so forget about the counseling thing i said but i doubt anyone else if going to recommend that you sit on your bum and play video games as a way to unwind. i'd still recommend getting out more.

Jaga Jazzist:
You haven't actually asked for any specific advice, but since you posted this in the advice forum then I guess you'd like some sort of reply. However my best advice would be to actually avoid video games. If you're looking for meaning then they're not the best place to find it. If you're feeling stressed then you should try getting more exercise, eating well and getting a decent amount of sleep. From the sounds of it if you're incapable of just hopping in and out of a video game so at this point I wouldn't even try, otherwise you might find yourself bargaining with yourself for just a few more minutes...

You also haven't specified what you've been dealing with so it's hard to know your emotional state right now. You say you have one parent but I don't know if that's because your father walked out or if it's worse. I don't know how long ago that was or if you've tried talking to a counselor or someone like that about it but if you haven't then I'd recommend that too.

Everyone knows the world is a stewing hellhole and the best way to deal with that is to fill your life with junk and distractions so at the end of the day you just go to bed tired and don't end up lying there wondering how much worse it's going to get. I don't think video games are going to do that for you.

edit: aw shit i didn't actually look up CBT before i posted this. ok so forget about the counseling thing i said but i doubt anyone else if going to recommend that you sit on your bum and play video games as a way to unwind. i'd still recommend getting out more.

Oh yeah, sorry. I forgot when I just trailed off into my rant.

When I say I only have one parent now, it's not as if he's dead or anything. He did just walk out and is actually part of the reason why my mother (and subsequently me, although I know that sounds somewhat selfish) doesn't have as much money as she could do. Or should do. But it was years ago, I rarely talk to him, and I don't care about him anymore, so it's not one of my problems.

In a nutshell, my problems are: OCD, nervous bladder (it varies, but I get nervous a lot), insecurity about being black, low amount of close friends, social awkwardness, feeling left-out, jealousy of others' relationships, low amount of money, feeling of bad luck, tendency to say or do the wrong things too often, not being a practical person, a frustrating stutter, lack of identity, self-loathing, low self-esteem. People say that if it could be worse, but I say that it could be better. I know that a bunch of my problems are probably just silly teenage angst that shouldn't matter much or that I'll get over, but it's easier said than done.

"Getting out more" can be a problem when I don't have many friends, nor do I get invited to many things. There's not much stuff to do in town or on my own either. I do think I have a reasonably good diet, although I guess that could be better too. I go to kickboxing every Thursday, so I suppose that counts as exercise, but maybe I should train on my own or go for runs through the park on other days too. I sleep late, though, often because I'd say I'm kind of addicted to my laptop, since it's a moderately good time (and battery) killer when I'm bored (which is a lot).

 

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