I don't really see a problem here. My father is 14 years older than my mother.
When they met, he was 30 and she was 16. They are now (almost exactly) married for 26 years.
If you keep it legal there won't be any problems...
I am uncertain how to advise. My personaly philsophy would make me a agree with what Ioa said about regrets but EClaris' personal experience is equally compelling.
Would you mind sharing the outcome of your conversation with her? It's none of our business but I would like to know how it turns out for future reference.
I wouldn't call you a pedo-bear or such because love is natural.
I would say wait until she is legal/older (maybe 16/17) and see what your feelings are for her. I you still...well want to get close to her I would say go for it. Because if she is that young and your that old and people see you together it can cause problems for you but more importantly it can cause problems for her.
I know people who parents are pretty far apart. So who says you can't have feeling for this person when they are old enough to be sure for themselves.
For myself personally I have a 3 year bracket and I'm 17.
The societal standards we apply to sexuality are completely arbitrary. The US thinks that people shouldn't be able to bone until they're 16 or 17 or 18 depending on the state. Meanwhile in some countries, you can have sex at 13 or younger. Now I'll give you that "younger" than 13 is probably too young. But what should the true age of consent be? The answer is simple: Nobody frickin' knows.
Besides, in eight years, you'll be 30, and she'll be 23, and then the age difference won't seem that big. So what I'm saying is, go for it. Date her. just don't do her until she's legal, unless you know for sure she won't tell. If your worried about her being too young to know what she wants, don't. If she actually stays with you for the three years it'll take for her to be 18, you can be pretty sure that she knows what she wants.
At 15 her own life is going to change so much over the next few years. She may be a completely different person soon than what your or even she thinks she'll be. At 22 your identity is much more stable. You need to let her become whoever she's supposed to be.
As far as the legal situation goes, I think we've both heard of cases where the relationship was mutual, but then the girl got angry and they end up with a molestation case in court. That's not something you want on your record that you have to explain to people for the rest of your life.
EDIT: BTW, you're not a pedobear. A smoking hot girl is a smoking hot girl, and your body doesn't factor in age and consent laws. But I think you know intellectually what's right and wrong here.
I don't have much of a problem with it. Good luck if you decide to go through with it or whatever, but to echo someone else in this thread, doubt it'll last long.
Hello fellow Escapists,
Lately I'm finding myself in hazardous territory. I'm starting to like / fall in love with a girl that's probably not (yet) the right age for me.
Don't get me wrong though; I don't think she's immature. She's funny, confident, honest / fair, and is kinda crazy (like me) and she basically looks older than I do. So far so good, and when we're together we're both physically attracted to each other, both hinting at feelings that lie deeper than just a friendship.
Now there's the catch; I'm 22 years old, just finished studying, have a job and basically have everything going for me. I'm sure I'll manage without this one girl, but why would I hold back if I feel it's ok to do it. Then there's her: she's 15, still in school, just got herself a job for the weekend; pretty much like anyone would at that age.
If she lied to me about her age and say she's 18, I'd go ahead with it straight away. But right now... this just feels wrong. So, Escapists. Is it wrong? Will I go to hell for this? Am I the pedobear (even though her body seriously exceeds that of people my age)? Or should I do it anyway?
Note that we take all legal issues out of the equasion here, so do not let these cloud your honest judgement.
Keep the sausage out of the grill until she is ripe sun shine, or you'll be getting bummed up the arse by bubba and his buddies at the local pen. If you can wait that long before you jump her bones, then you should be ok. No poking.
I think it is certainly an awkward situation to be in and (as a former 15-year old girl) I sympathize with you both, but I would suggest branching your social circle out a bit while you decide what to do (either before or after your talk). You listed a few basic reasons you are attracted to her (funny, confident etc.) but can you really say that based on these generic terms that you "love/like" her , or is this more of a proximity crush? How did you two meet (if you don't mind sharing)?
I agree with the others above in terms of being concerned about the difference in life experiences/stages (and these are really big differences when you are at those stages), but also important, you don't want others to think that you are taking advantage of her sexually (since she may have developed physically much faster than she really has emotionally) or unknowingly projecting your own experiences/desires onto her (which could mean she resents you later for not letting her grow into her own person).
In addition, it is telling that in your original response, you mentioned that something feels wrong and I would say follow or at least don't ignore that feeling because it is worth analyzing.
If you do get to examine all the reasons why you love/like/lust for her and you are truly confident that you can deal with the consequences, then I would say follow your heart down that path. Yet if you ave any sort of doubt (and who knows, there are plenty of women out there), you'll love her enough to wait.