If you love him/her, let him/her go...

Ugh, I hate this phrase. Well, I had a crush on this girl, and she (to my surprise) agreed. And was happy, and said she'd wanted to ask me out but was nervous, and thought I didn't like her, so yeah, we were really happy and laughing and just all that Jazz. We've been dating for a month or so, and its been great, I have loved every minute of her just...Being there. And I really, really care about her. But, She doesn't seem happy. When I see her, she's not unhappy, but she's never as happy as me. We cuddle alot, we go out and do stuff, We have fun and thats all great but I get the feeling her being with me isn't making her happy. I've spoken to her, and she always says its fine, and flashes me this gorgeous smile, and I want to believe her but I can't. I just feel like her being with me hurts her and I can't do that. And then there's another problem. I've known another girl for most of my life, and she has just (Today, as of writing) sprung on me that she wants me to be with her, and feels guilty about even asking and that she really cares about me and... I've never felt that way about her, and I'm not sure I will. My girlfriend (Gwen) is unaware of what the other girl (Sarah) has told me, but they're like best friends and I don't know what to tell her, or if I should. I met Gwen through Sarah for gods sake! But I just have no idea what to do. I don't know if its my fault for not doing something or doing the wrong thing with Gwen, or Sarah for adding additional complications, Or Gwens fault for being so damn irresistable...(yeah, that last one was a joke, I blame her parents for her being irresistable. Them and Zumba.) But... I just don't know what to do. The best situation I can think of ends up Breaking my heart without hurting either of them and (Hopefully) Us all staying friends (And relies heavily on luck), and the worst means None of us will be friends anymore. So escapists, how can I solve this?

Are you sure she is unhappy?, do you love the other girl or do you love the one you're with now? It's you're call, don't let her give you a guilt trip. Tell her how you feel about thinking she is unhappy and truly learn how she feels.

Who do you really want to be with?

Ummm Block of Text. Would make it much easier to read if you broke it up with a couple of blank lines.

Anyway:

1.Gwen: You like as more than a friend.

2. You think Gwen doesn't like being with you.

3. Sarah: You don't like as anything more than a friend,

4. Sarah: Likes you more than a friend.

Problem for you:

Thinking Gwen doesn't like you makes you unhappy.

Problems for Sarah:

1. You don't like her,

2. She has a friendship with Gwen which will be ruined if you do.

Solution for you:

Either decide whether thinking Gwen doesn't like you is a deal breaker or not. As it seems Gwen will only tell you that she does (Do you believe her?).

Solution for Sarah: Come to terms with the fact that Redbird doesn't like her and second problem is solved.

(Personally I'm not seeing how this is keeping you up at night)

How about, you know, talking to your existing girlfriend?

You know, sit her down and have "the talk" about your relationship, is she truly happy, would you both be happier seeing other people, all that jazz.

It doesn't have to be "the talk that ends up being a breakup speech", just let her know that you really like her but you value her happiness above your relationship, and that if she'd be happier single or with somebody else then you'd support that.

Honesty can only be a good thing at times like this.

You would want to be 100% certain Gwen is unhappy before leaving her. It is possible that she is happy, and it is just your insecurities making you think she isn't. In my opinion, if you are happy, that should be enough, if she really isn't happy, she will leave you.
As for Sarah, you have said you don't like her like that, so that one is very simple. You don't like her, don't date her. You will just ruin the friendship. It seems like you are just looking for a back up plan in case you and Gwen break up.

Sounds like she knew that her friend likes you but dated you anyway. That would explain her seeming unhappy all along.

I dunno though. Can only theorize. Just like you.
Try talking to them about it?

Well, the Sarah problem fixed itself. She went to Gwen today and told her exactly what she said to me, and was apparently incredibly apologetic and ashamed and sad. They talked it out between themselves and apparently its totally fine between them and they're both happy to stay friens as long as nothing happens. It was a bit awkward when they told me what had been said, but after that it was pretty much fine and we're all friends now.

Still really need to talk to Gwen though. I just really don't want to inadvertently make it sound like I want to break up with her if she doesn't want to break up with me. Suggestions on how not to ruin a potentially happy relationship? Anyone?

RedBird:
Well, the Sarah problem fixed itself. She went to Gwen today and told her exactly what she said to me, and was apparently incredibly apologetic and ashamed and sad. They talked it out between themselves and apparently its totally fine between them and they're both happy to stay friens as long as nothing happens. It was a bit awkward when they told me what had been said, but after that it was pretty much fine and we're all friends now.

Still really need to talk to Gwen though. I just really don't want to inadvertently make it sound like I want to break up with her if she doesn't want to break up with me. Suggestions on how not to ruin a potentially happy relationship? Anyone?

You are just going to have to take her word for it. If you keep questioning it, it will start to ruin your relationship. If you really want, just let her know what you are feeling, once after that just push the doubt out of your mind and continue on with your relationship. That is, unless you are not happy, because when it comes down to it, the only happiness that you can ensure is your own. You can try your damnedest (and you should) to keep your girl happy, but you can only keep her as happy as she lets you see. And by that I mean that if she is unhappy and acts completely happy than you are doing nothing wrong.

Well sadly you are not over the hump where you partner will tell you everything, however you should try and get to that point because things fester in out heads and the smallest things can suddenly be the end of it all.

But you do need to put yourself aside here, if you want to talk about her issue then it hasto be about her, she probably doesn't want to say anything because she feels it will offend or worry you.
You need to make it clear that you can look past that, that talking it over with you is a safe way to resolve issues, don't just demand she be happy for your sake.

Women love a man who have mastered the ability of line spacing. Sometimes I will go on random forums and write articles, but it's easily readable because of my structure. Bitches go crazy for that.

All you have to do with Gwen is ask her if she's happy. If she says yes, problem solved as far as you're concerned. Just because she's not as happy as you are, doesn't mean she's not happy.

The Night Angel:
You would want to be 100% certain Gwen is unhappy before leaving her. It is possible that she is happy, and it is just your insecurities making you think she isn't. In my opinion, if you are happy, that should be enough, if she really isn't happy, she will leave you.
As for Sarah, you have said you don't like her like that, so that one is very simple. You don't like her, don't date her. You will just ruin the friendship. It seems like you are just looking for a back up plan in case you and Gwen break up.

Bolded for emphasis.

So I sat down with Gwen and I told her what I thought.
She Gave me one of those "Looks that kill" and then laughed. She spent 45 minutes telling me exactly how paranoid I was being, And another hour making sure I knew she wasn't just saying it to spare my feelings. So, yeah, we're going stronger than ever, Sarah, me and Gwen are friends and my problems have pretty much solved themselves, with help from the general public of the escapist.

This happened A while ago, I just kinda forgot about this thread.

Random
Decided to post because thread title reminded me of the ending lyrics of Coldplay's Violet Hill...

 

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