Advice on where to seek help

Hi

Background:
For an introduction: I'm a 23 year old male living in the UK with what I assume would be described as 'severe depression'. I've been contemplating suicide frequently (I'd estimate 5 days per week) for between 2 or 3 years now, I'm not quite sure. I have yet to make any actual suicide attempts, but, to be honest I really think it's just a matter of time now; as the only thing holding me back is realising how much pain it would cause my father, who I love very much. I've tried discussing some of the issues with him (not the suicidal thoughts), and although he's supportive, it never really lasts. All the same feelings come right back within a day or less, and I only expect them to grow as I grow older, since that's what's happened.

I don't really want to go into detail, but I guess a fair mount of it stems from physical problems with myself. Some disappointment in my academic life has also served to undermine my confiedence. I'm pretty convinced I'm not 'normal' shall we say and continuing to hide it from others has led to a lot of social isolation and alienation from what friends I had. I honestly don't see an alternative to this in the future, if I want to avoid humiliation; but it is outright soul crushing feeling this lonely, inadequate and self-hating all the time. The worst part is, all my research indicates that I'm stuck with it.

Main question:
Can someone suggest a professional, UK based service online I could write to to discuss my problems and seek a solution (preferably free). I think a medically based with some support for anxiety and depression suffers might be best. I've considered professional therapists, but I don't really have the money for one privately, and I'm not sure that some platitudes and a sugar coated 'This is the way it is! Tough' will really do the trick. I'd rather talk to a professional anonymously before going to a GP, as I'm not sure how they'll respond.

What I've tried:
As for the standard depression fixes, I've already tried: exercise, occassional special treats, walking outdoors, comedy, spending time with a pet, music, talking to a relative, considering that others in the world are even worse off than me (that one just makes me feel cruel for trying to take solace from other's suffering and frustrated at the gross unfairness of life).

Thanks for any help offered

You should try the NHS, namely NHS Direct for an online solution.

You could also phone the NHS Direct hotline (0845 4647) to anonymously speak to a trained nurse who could help refer you in the right direction.

You may be feeling like shit, but looking on the bright side you're fortunate to be living in the UK, where the NHS basically has you covered for all the help you're seeking... and for free.

You've taken the first(?) step by seeking help here, so it shouldn't be too difficult to give NHS Direct a bell and get referred to some professionals in your area.

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/depression/Pages/Introduction.aspx (general info and links to services)

There's also the Samaritans if you don't feel like fully initiating professional proceedings, but still want someone to talk to and give you advice. http://www.samaritans.org/

Anyway, best of luck to you whatever direction you choose to take, but remember there is professional advice available and it shouldn't cost you a thing... except your time, but be patient and don't lose hope if it takes a bit of time to get a face-to-face appointment, they're busy because they're good and in high demand.

Is there anything you're willing to talk about here that caused this level of depression? You say you don't feel "normal" and that it's caused some social alienation. This apparently gets brought up a lot on these forums, but have you considered that you have Aspergers, or some other kind of mild autism-spectrum disorder?

The reason I ask is because there are communities online of people dealing with that, and they've been through things that sound close to what you're describing. It would help to talk to some of them, since they've gone through similar situations and managed to come out on top.

A lot of personality disorders that lead to an anti-social mindset manifest in obsessive tendencies. This can mean repetitive behaviors, narrow focus of interests, etc. The classic way to deal with this, and I think the most effective, is to replace whatever you were previously hung up on with a new obsession. You mentioned you tried exercise, but have you tried something that's more like a physical skill you gradually build? For instance, yoga, martial arts, chi gong, endurance running, etc. Those are things that help get you into a positive mental state and give you motivation to create and pursue goals, and give you a "task" to do every day.

I'm sorry to hear that you're in a pretty bleak state of mind right now. If it helps, I feel like I've been in a similar mindset (I'm 22) where a lot of the things going on in my life just don't seem important. When I talk to adults who are in their 40s or higher, they say that every part of their life has a different theme - what's going on in your 20s isn't even important when you're 30, then 35, and on and on. Things can be bad now, but don't relinquish your chance to experience life in new ways, with a new point of view later on.

Just a question dude... Won't you consider seeing someone who deals with psychological issues professionally again? Unless the NHS has had to make some SERIOUS cuts, they should cover the costs.

The reason I'm saying this is because well, for one, you say you're depressed, so I don't need to explain why seeing a "shrink" might help, but also because you say you're alienating yourself socially. If nothing else, having appointments will get you out of the house, give you something to do.

As Luca mentioned just having these small "tasks" to fulfill help some people keep their head above the water. It's not going to make you the happiest person alive but it probably won't do any harm either.

 

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