I need to get these thoughts out of my head!

F***. F*** you mind, making make another emo post as if it'll help anything.

For some reason, I cannot f***ing stop thinking about getting a girlfriend and/or sex. Which is bad. Because that gets me thinking of how impossible that is. Okay, improbable, whatever.

Attempting it would be bad. It would fail. I have nothing to offer any girl. Nothing that anyone would likely care about. I'd be humiliated, ashamed, and my already low self esteem would take a sizable hit. Recovery; about six months. No-f***ing-thanks.

Why the f*** can't I stop thinking about it? If I have to one thing mentally in common with normal people, why the hell did it have to be that I can't stop thinking about sex? It's making me miserable, I know it's making me miserable, angry too, but still it persists. I even know it's insignificant. I have come so f***ing far this year. Uni, living indepently, having something close to a social life, I have done so well, but still, this f***ing part of my mind is not happy, never satisfied, it never shuts the f*** up, it never stops complaining, it will b**** and moan forever about something that it's pointless to b**** and moan about. It's like that part of the brain lacks or logic or just doesn't quite f***ing get it.

Yeah, you're going to tell me to try anyway, but I don't care. I just want some way to stop this infernal useless mind-noise so I can try to enjoy my goddamn holidays instead of sitting here having to keep putting myself down or reminding myself of bad things, to remind myself why I must not be allowed to try.

Well, I suppose you could get your balls cut off, that will kill your sex drive. However, the less painful and invasive option might be to try to keep yourself as busy as possible, preferably in an environment where there aren't a lot of attractive women about to remind you of the thing you believe you cannot have.

Or actually try to get some action, you actually do have a social life, so it shouldn't be that big a step to at least try and date someone. Rejection can't be as painful as obsessing about all the sex you are not having for the rest of your life.

Supernova1138:
Well, I suppose you could get your balls cut off, that will kill your sex drive. However, the less painful and invasive option might be to try to keep yourself as busy as possible, preferably in an environment where there aren't a lot of attractive women about to remind you of the thing you believe you cannot have.

Or actually try to get some action, you actually do have a social life, so it shouldn't be that big a step to at least try and date someone. Rejection can't be as painful as obsessing about all the sex you are not having for the rest of your life.

That involves failing at something, and I really, really hate failing, especially in public, and especially at something everyone else seems to find easy.

Doclector:
Snip

Well fear of failure seems to be causing this problem for you. Getting over that fear is probably the only long term solution to this problem that doesn't involve a scalpel or chemical castration. Any perceived humiliation can't be worse than what you are feeling now given your original post, so it's not like you have much to lose.

Well there is this new thing the kids are doing, apparently it's called masturbation, supposedly it releaves ones hormone riddled mind giving them a moment to relax... not that I would really know :P

Basically you are doing it backwards, suppressing your desires and urges only means they will come back with one hell of a wallop.
You need to except the fact that you are highly flawed being(i.e. human) and there are some things you will crave, now we get to how you want to go about it, play with yourself for the rest of days or is it enough of a draw to actually put in some effort and see whats happening in the dating world.
And yes the latter does mean you need to drop the emo act first.

...The total lack of sensitivity in previous posts aside.

Everyone has thoughts they'd rather they didn't have. Things that plague them. Things that wear away at their confidence and motivation. Counselling methods that tend to help with these are things like 'Positive Reframing' and a good number of thought-therapy exercises. There are plenty of online resources for this. It was particularly helpful for me during a time in my life when I had trouble even talking myself out of bed in the morning.

I will also say something doesn't get said enough in my opinion: YOUR ATTRACTIVENESS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR WORTH. You are a unique and irreplaceable human being that does not need a relationship to have that affirmed in any way. You don't need a girlfriend or sex to make you happy. It may feel like that, especially with the pressure coming from within you as well as without, but happiness isn't about acquiring the things we think will make us happy. It is in finding happiness in the things we acquire on a daily basis.

I'm not here to tell you to get off your ass and tell you to put your heart on the line. I've actually got a better suggestion. Get off your ass and find something besides a romantic relationship to feel good about. Write that book you've always wanted to. Apply for that dream job. Take that art class. Run a marathon. Volunteer at a local food bank or homeless shelter. Whatever excites you, or whatever you simply think you have the motivation to force yourself to enjoy, do it.

Because making yourself happier and more at ease in your life will make the rest of the self-confidence come with time. And then maybe one day you'll find out that you look around you and find people attracted to that self-ease and maybe they've got something you're interested in as well. Who knows?

Mr.K.:
Well there is this new thing the kids are doing, apparently it's called masturbation, supposedly it releaves ones hormone riddled mind giving them a moment to relax... not that I would really know :P

Trust me, I've tried, and it pretty much is "a moment" in which I can relax before Mr dumbf*** as I call that part of my mind starts shouting at me again.

Basically you are doing it backwards, suppressing your desires and urges only means they will come back with one hell of a wallop.
You need to except the fact that you are highly flawed being(i.e. human) and there are some things you will crave, now we get to how you want to go about it, play with yourself for the rest of days or is it enough of a draw to actually put in some effort and see whats happening in the dating world.
And yes the latter does mean you need to drop the emo act first.

I don't act like this in the real world, especially around anyone I know, or have intentions on knowing. For obvious reasons. Hell, everyone hates the living sh** outta me on here, that's good enough reason alone not to let anyone in real life know anything about how I feel.

Anyways, if I was to do such an incredibly, unendingly stupid thing, how would I go about doing it? No matter how much I excercise, no matter how much I try to be as funny as I can be (which is pretty f***ing funny, if I say so myself), I just can't quite believe I'll ever be good enough. Have you seen normal people these days? It's like they all come out the same factories they generated pop bands out of in the nineties. I cannot hope to compete, there are only a miniscule amount of people out there who give a sh** about anything else than looks.

Get some therapy.
It sounds harsh, and I'm not joking.
I think you need to deal with your self-image problems properly.
I really have no idea why you are so down on yourself but I believe if you can sort that out you will have a much higher chance of getting a girlfriend, and just being happier in general.

Everybody has their image issues (I've got my own share), but yours seem to be crippling you. Even if you don't think it will help you get a girlfriend, you should do it for yourself anyway.
EDIT: Just to add, I hope you it does work out for you- you seem like a nice guy but recently you seem to be getting angrier and angrier.

Geekiest:
...The total lack of sensitivity in previous posts aside.

Everyone has thoughts they'd rather they didn't have. Things that plague them. Things that wear away at their confidence and motivation. Counselling methods that tend to help with these are things like 'Positive Reframing' and a good number of thought-therapy exercises. There are plenty of online resources for this. It was particularly helpful for me during a time in my life when I had trouble even talking myself out of bed in the morning.

I will also say something doesn't get said enough in my opinion: YOUR ATTRACTIVENESS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR WORTH. You are a unique and irreplaceable human being that does not need a relationship to have that affirmed in any way. You don't need a girlfriend or sex to make you happy. It may feel like that, especially with the pressure coming from within you as well as without, but happiness isn't about acquiring the things we think will make us happy. It is in finding happiness in the things we acquire on a daily basis.

I'm not here to tell you to get off your ass and tell you to put your heart on the line. I've actually got a better suggestion. Get off your ass and find something besides a romantic relationship to feel good about. Write that book you've always wanted to. Apply for that dream job. Take that art class. Run a marathon. Volunteer at a local food bank or homeless shelter. Whatever excites you, or whatever you simply think you have the motivation to force yourself to enjoy, do it.

Because making yourself happier and more at ease in your life will make the rest of the self-confidence come with time. And then maybe one day you'll find out that you look around you and find people attracted to that self-ease and maybe they've got something you're interested in as well. Who knows?

Good idea, but the very thing that bought this on in force is the fact that I just got out of uni for summer. Not only does that mean I have no work for the next two/three months, but I'm back in an incredibly uninteresting town. There was only ever one genuinely good bar here, and it was closed down back in easter.

Volunteering? I could, despite previous bad experiences (old people took the piss outta me for being lazy. While I was working. In the same f***ing room) but opportunities are thin on the ground. Yeah, things have gotten so bad that even free work isn't easily given. A summer job? Already did the rounds in the few days since I got here. Can't wait for the inevitable avalanche of f*** all in my email inbox. Running a marathon? Pfft. I can barely run to the end of my street without collapsing, although I am planning to do an hour's excercise a day. I suppose creatively, I could do a couple of things. I could do a few more of my experimental fanfiction-y things where I "novelise" for want of a better term, a memorable non scripted event in a videogame, and then there's doing stuff for my youtube channel where, essentially, I rant about things and do the occasional review. Still, I doubt there's enough to keep my mind off of it.

Phasmal:
Get some therapy.
It sounds harsh, and I'm not joking.
I think you need to deal with your self-image problems properly.
I really have no idea why you are so down on yourself but I believe if you can sort that out you will have a much higher chance of getting a girlfriend, and just being happier in general.

Everybody has their image issues (I've got my own share), but yours seem to be crippling you. Even if you don't think it will help you get a girlfriend, you should do it for yourself anyway.
EDIT: Just to add, I hope you it does work out for you- you seem like a nice guy but recently you seem to be getting angrier and angrier.

Well, thanks, but this is britain. They do jack all about anything mind-related until somebody gets hurt. And even when they do, it's more the "fill 'em with pills and forget about it" treatment than any real help.

Doclector:
Good idea, but the very thing that bought this on in force is the fact that I just got out of uni for summer. Not only does that mean I have no work for the next two/three months, but I'm back in an incredibly uninteresting town. There was only ever one genuinely good bar here, and it was closed down back in easter.

Volunteering? I could, despite previous bad experiences (old people took the piss outta me for being lazy. While I was working. In the same f***ing room) but opportunities are thin on the ground. Yeah, things have gotten so bad that even free work isn't easily given. A summer job? Already did the rounds in the few days since I got here. Can't wait for the inevitable avalanche of f*** all in my email inbox. Running a marathon? Pfft. I can barely run to the end of my street without collapsing, although I am planning to do an hour's excercise a day. I suppose creatively, I could do a couple of things. I could do a few more of my experimental fanfiction-y things where I "novelise" for want of a better term, a memorable non scripted event in a videogame, and then there's doing stuff for my youtube channel where, essentially, I rant about things and do the occasional review. Still, I doubt there's enough to keep my mind off of it.

All those are great things, and perfect for getting those creative juices and thoughts flowing in a beneficial direction. And doubting that they'll be enough? That's fine. We all generally doubt that our fixes will work when we first try them. Genuine progress takes time. The biggest thing that I can request is that you don't let yourself get discouraged the first month you try something, especially something new. When I started a self-defense class, I was really depressed after my first session. But I made myself go to the next one. And the one after that. It didn't solve all the problems I was working through, but it helped. There is no catch-all solution. There is only trying things to their limit and seeing what works best. For now I'm actually looking into Aikido and Krav Maga studios in my area! Something that would've seemed silly to me only a year ago.

The other biggest piece of advice I can give is to not let other people discourage you. You choose, to a certain extent, when you let other peoples' words affect you. If it is not worth it to you to continue an activity because of a person's actions? That's fine. But make the decision based on how little you like or need what you're doing, not what some random asshole has to say about it or about you.

Doclector:
Well, thanks, but this is britain. They do jack all about anything mind-related until somebody gets hurt. And even when they do, it's more the "fill 'em with pills and forget about it" treatment than any real help.

I'm in Britain too, I'm pretty sure you can get some sort of free counselling (I had an appointment with a counsellor once but I didn't go) if you go to your GP.
I admit they do get a bit pill-happy at times, but that doesn't mean you wouldn't get any benefit to talking to someone about why you have such problems with your self image.

Go out. Get pissed. Hit on girls. Get rejected... Or fuck... Get laid.
Honestly the only way you can find out is to approach a girl and tell her she looks pretty.

Doclector:
I don't act like this in the real world, especially around anyone I know, or have intentions on knowing. For obvious reasons. Hell, everyone hates the living sh** outta me on here, that's good enough reason alone not to let anyone in real life know anything about how I feel.

People might not register it on a conscious level but the smell of self loathing does not elude them, and further more until you yourself believe others might want your company you will continuously self-sabotage.
I've been in that boat for many teenage years, I'd sit at a party next to girls eagerly awaiting some sprightly conversation and I'd be there all quietly contemplating all the ways they might not like me... just cut that shit out, you just haveto take a deep breath jump in and start treading water, who knows where it might take you, if nothing else you get more practice swimming for next time.

Anyways, if I was to do such an incredibly, unendingly stupid thing, how would I go about doing it? No matter how much I excercise, no matter how much I try to be as funny as I can be (which is pretty f***ing funny, if I say so myself), I just can't quite believe I'll ever be good enough. Have you seen normal people these days? It's like they all come out the same factories they generated pop bands out of in the nineties. I cannot hope to compete, there are only a miniscule amount of people out there who give a sh** about anything else than looks.

Well first off those superficial people are not normal, relationships are all about spending quality time with others and those fuckers have nothing to offer in the way of that, they are not worth anyones time.
You need to find people that you can get along with, parties with friends, places for hobbies, gym, cozy local bars, general relaxed shindigs,... there you can socialize in a normal fashion and if you are as funny as you say then it won't be long till you find your balance.
Just remember that you can't learn to ride a bike till you really go at it, yes there will be bumps and scrapes along the way but that is part of every learning process, only reason others make it look easy is because they have been doing it for years.

I'm not going to tell you to try. You can do whatever the fuck you like. (Are we no longer allowed to swear, or are you just asterisking for the fun of it?)
What I will tell you is that talking to new people gets easier the more you do it. What are you afraid of? What have you got to lose by talking to people? Bruising your ego is not the end of the world, you need to stop being afraid of failure, because not trying is as bad as failing, or perhaps worse.

You could see your GP. Remember this is Britain, it is free, so keep bothering them if they dismiss you, make sure you mention that you don't want pills. Don't forget they can't help you if you don't give them the details and act like a child.
Also, this country isn't that big. If your town sucks, go out for a day to the next one. Spend a tenner to get somewhere interesting.

Being stuck in a dull place all summer can be a bit soul destroying so find something to focus on when you can't go and do stuff. If you like writing, great, devote a bit of time each week to that. Exercise is good, just don't overdo it or you'll be miserable and aching. You could try scheduling time for stuff you like and just going out, try to fill your weeks because if you don't you will find yourself stuck in a depressed bored rut for months.

Pursue some cognitive behavioural therapy and masturbate whenever you feel sexually frustrated. That's what I'm doing. And I live in Britain too, in a relatively dull town where fuck all happens and I have a miniscule amount of friends.

And, you know, you can swear on here.

Relish in Chaos:
Pursue some cognitive behavioural therapy and masturbate whenever you feel sexually frustrated. That's what I'm doing. And I live in Britain too, in a relatively dull town where fuck all happens and I have a miniscule amount of friends.

And, you know, you can swear on here.

I prefer to censor it. In case someone gets all uppity and reports it. Which would be childish as hell, but there's forty year olds in government positions that are more childish, so better safe than sorry.

 

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